I like orgasms and stories. I bang them out almost every night. Sometimes, I let your mom watch.
My longest-running relationship is with my calculator, Leonhard. He's an HP-48GX. I take my function notation like I take my sex: reverse-polish style.
I drink a lot of coffee.
I'm glad that someone as accomplished as Leonardo had many unfinished projects. It lets me feel righteous when someone gives me a hard time about my many unfinished projects and I punch them in the face. That's for Leonardo!
I appreciate peer review and poop jokes, because we all inevitably produce $#!+.
I may seem crude on the surface, but I have a heart of iron. (This would set up a good hemoglobin joke if such a thing were possible.) Around the middle, I stick to your teeth like caramel. Towards the bottom, there is a solid ethical base. I am but mad north-northwest. When the wind is southerly, I know a hawk from a handsaw.
I drop a lot of Shakespeare.
When I was a wee lass, the truth appeared to me, and I found it helpful. As we grew closer, the truth at times refused to speak or slow down or play how I wanted. To keep up, I have become habitually curious, honest, and tough because, though the truth remains indifferent to me, I don't know how to live without it.
When I grow up, I hope it doesn't last long.
I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker,
And I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker,
And in short, I was afraid.
Really, I'm just looking for someone to wear this t-shirt I have that says, "I don't need google, my girlfriend knows everything."
I don't think you're ready for this jelly.