i just changed my profile to 'No' for smoking.
I quit a month ago.
It might be a little presumptuous...
my doctor told me i could say i have 'quit', with conviction, after 3 months. But i really wanted to change it and feel one step closer. The longer i have gone without a cigarette, the more people i tell. To start with, i didnt tell anyone my plans of quitting because i feared failure. After a month, i feel more confident of my abilities to negotiate the cravings and still come out the other side smoke free.

TYPE ONLY 1 WORD RESPONSE. IT'S HARDER THAN YOU THINK!


1. Where is your cell phone? floor
2. Your significant other? intangible
3. Your hair? messed
4. Your mother? irrational
5. Your father? rational
6. Your favorite thing? intensity
7. Your dream last night? insomnia
8. Your favorite drink? mojito
9. Your dream/goal? change
10. The room you're in? mine
11. Your fear? birds
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? top
13. Where were you last night? indecision
14. What you are not? incapable
15. Muffins? sweet
16. One of your wish list items? leather
17. Where you grew up? South
18. The last thing you did? coffee
19. Your TV? neglected
21. Your pets? nonexistent
22. Your computer? new
23. Your life? experience
24. Your mood? debaucherous
25. Missing someone? found
26. Your car? faithful
27. Something you're not wearing? bra
28. Favorite Store? Myer
29. Your summer? lazy
30. Your favorite color? pink
31. When is the last time you laughed? post-coital
32. Last time you cried? yesterday
33. Who will/would re-post this?♠ stalkers

I love the heady feeling I get that comes with a new beau, lusting after a crush or revealing intimate secrets with another soul. Its the most intense high of all. Those neurotransmitters that we all take for granted can do some fucking wonderful stuff with the right catalyst.
I want to want it all, and succumb to the high. I revel in both innocently, sweet thoughts and much more sordid desires. I cant even wash the dishes or have a conversation without my mind wandering.
Given time and energy, I would take it all.
Sadly though, life goes on, the dishes still need to be washed, the rubbish taken out and conversations, from time to time, tend to require undivided attention.
So in this highly evolving world we live in... In these harsh economic times... I will make the sacrifice... I'm putting in for a part-time love affair.

i spoke to a good friend last night. we had a good ol' d&m. We confessed our weaknesses and discussed where we go wrong in relationships. i was telling her about a recent event involving an ex popping up and want to "catch up". So after i got the first call (which i was happy to recieve), i promised myself i would be patient and wait till i finished my exams before calling him...you know...make him sweat on it and play hard to get (or at least play at not too keen).
but my friend made a good call...she interrupted me mid-sentence to point out, "Jo, that's not patience...that's you being stubborn!"
i had to laugh...at her candour and my inability to accurately analyse the situation. i laughed out loud. Its good to have someone who knows you better than you know yourself (especially if said person is on your side).
BTW, this time, it worked in my favour, he called again;)

so, in an effort to be less cynical and (now that i am aware of it) less stubborn, i will give a little more, instead of being so hardy. i might even dabble in saying what i want... maybe, just maybe, i might get what i want.

I will never love you more than the drummer of flaming lips
I will never love you more than Woody Allan movies
I will never love you more than the White album of the Beatles
I will never love you more than God only knows

I will never love you more than DVD's night with my girlfriend
And we talk about stupid things like feelings and men
I will never love you more than my boyfriend when I was 14
Even if he's now an asshole, I will never love you more

And you say, you love me more than everything
And compared to me everything is nothing...

I will never love you more than meeting Paul McCartney
And we asked him to play a song on my Ukulele
I will never love you more than Scandinavian Tour
Which was more than paradise, I wish you remember it too

I will never love you more than dancing to Phil Spektor
I will never love you more than my Casiotone keyboard.
I will never love you more than Daniel Johnston himself
For me he's more than God, I will never love you more

And you say, you love me more than everything
And compared to me everything is nothing

Ohh this is sweet, I just wonder what it means

You say you love me more, than all the girls you have had before
Even more than music, even more than yourself
Even more than everything, but it's just a lie
So I will never love you more, than anything

I will never love you more than singing in the shower
I will never love you more than my Mac computer
I will never love you more than having a daughter
I will never love you more than peanut butter

I will never love you more than kisses all day
I will never love you more than cuddles all night
I will never love you more than kissing girls lips when they're really pretty

I will never love you more
I will never love you more

(before you read and then proceed to argue...i know i am on a dating site)
but wtf is with people searching for love??
are they dillusional?
are they immune to reality?
dont they see the odds?
who would bet on that?
i wouldnt...
i'll keep folding hands til i get something worth betting on.
fuck...i just realised that means i am still in the game, even if only passively.
does that mean i cant bitch about people who play a more aggressive hand??...even if they are being chumps about it??

what dangles lifelessly in your unconscious??
(is it too deep, dark and dirty to mention?)
and is it so lifeless after all?
what if it jangles about causing distractions??
day after day with increasing frequency, incessantly demanding attention.
(popping up in more conversations than i care to admit)
i guess that is when we start to listen...
but what would you give up to indulge your unconscious, or not so unconscious, desires?
(5 year commitments? 7 year working progesses? a dull life in the suburbs? the possibility of a clean record? your hard earned security?)