Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I am an intricate being with a dislike for humanity. I pretty much
despise every person I know, including attention seekers on these
sites who have written summaries similar to this one. In
particular, I'll hate you if you have something along the lines of
"I'm not your average girl." on your profile. You are an average
person, the people who aren't average are the ones who go out and
stab 12 people with a butter knife whilst dressed as Donald Duck. I
don't think they use dating sites though, but if they do I'd like
to be directed to those sites for comedy purposes. On another note;
if I actually like you, I will do literally anything to make you
happy or make your life easier. I'd fist fight a lion to get a
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Listening to any and all forms of heavy metal, if it's got
disgusting riffs and a hairy man screaming then I'm in! Though the
last one isn't enough on it's own, else I'd be making some
questionable sexual decisions. On that topic, I'm having no sex
whatsoever; and who could guess why? Because I'm a horrible human
being with no positive traits you say? Apparently you could guess
why, 10 points and an apple for you! I also write songs; they're
not very pleasant and you probably don't want to hear them. I wrote
a lot of them about murder fantasies, because I can think of a lot
of ways to kill but I don't have the guts to actually do it. The
others are written about all the ways the world is full of shit.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Hate, but that's obvious already. I'm good with logic provided I'm
not making decisions that actually effect me, in those situations I
make the exact opposite of a logical decision and ruin everything.
Give me an argument on religion or politics though and I'll
dismantle every opposing point with pure logic. Then I'll be
punched in the face by someone who knows they're wrong but hates it
and hates me for proving it. I can also think up some very creative
insults, message me for details.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
They don't. I can stay hidden in plain sight purely so I don't have
to talk to anyone. I'm like an assassin except I'm not fast, strong
or intelligent. If someone actually notices me, it's usually
because of my ridiculous haircut or because the music I'm listening
to can be heard in New Guinea.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I like almost anything written by sceptics. Anything Douglas Adams
ever wrote is a particular favourite. John Dies at the End is
another good one and should be read by everyone who ever existed.
But very few people have read it, because most of them are dead and
the living ones can barely spell the word 'book'.
Music wise, I like anything loud, fast and screamed. You probably
don't, you probably listen to Mumford and Sons because yay banjos
they're so original and kooky. In return, I hate you.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
The existence of John Petrucci, Harrison Ford and Bruce Dickinson.
I would gladly go gay for any of those 3 men.
Metal, because it goes against all popular ideas about music. And I
like things that mess with most people's minds.
The Internet. Because it's great for finding new people to hate and
new reasons to hate them for molesting our oxygen.
That's only 3, but I find counting to be a pointless exercise.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Death and how funny it is when it happens to bad people. If people
don't giggle at my funeral then my life has been a complete waste
of time. I also like to ponder new ways to freak people out.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Working at my terrible job that would be soul-destroying if I had a
soul, or if I believed in the idea of souls to begin with.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I've attempted suicide twice, both of them failed because I'm not
very good at anything. On the plus side, I discovered that taking
20 Valium will let you have some pretty awesome hallucinations.
I’m looking for
- Girls who like guys
- Ages 18–22
- Near me
- Who are single
- For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You read this entire page and don't find me to be an utterly
repulsive human being. If you can do that and still want to meet
me, then you are clearly a figment of my imagination.
Who are you looking for?
This helps us know who to show you on OkCupid.