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58 Chicago, IL Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 21–55
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex

My details

Last online
Aug 29
5′ 9″ (1.75m)
Body Type
Mostly vegetarian
Buddhism, and somewhat serious about it
Graduated from Ph.D program
Rather not say
Open relationship
Mostly non-monogamous
Has kids, but doesn’t want more
Likes cats
English (Fluently), German (Okay)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
"When you come to a fork in the road, take it." -- Yogi Berra

I navigate as best I can by Yogi Berra's thought, "You can see a lot by just looking." Paying attention to you, to what moves you, and me, is my aim in every interaction. There's nothing more challenging that I know. If I knew who I was, it would be obvious. "First, know yourself" is easy to say. What I am is civilized, literate, widely traveled professional, culturally Jewish, spiritually eclectic, idiosyncratically left wing, an intellectual, but not a snob. I like to think I'm a gentleman. I'm sexually _extremely_ adventurous, kinky, and quite dominant in a low-key sort of way. See answers to questions for more details.

I'm not monogamous*, not jealous or possessive. I'm in an open relationship with a wonderful women, but I think that love, like knowledge, is enhanced, not diminished, by sharing. Time is limited, but if we are right for each other, we will make time. I pay attention to whoever I'm with. I'm looking for friends as well as partners: if you're smart, fast, funny, slightly twisted, and we share interests, we can just enjoy each other's company or see if more develops.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Trying to figure out what I'm doing with my life.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Constructing and taking apart complicated arguments. Telling jokes with a dry sense of humor. Procrastinating. Learning new things. Shopping (unfortunately I do like to shop). My work.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I decided to ask _them_. A woman I'd never met in person until a while ago said her first impression of me was that I was worldly, stylish, reserved, intriguing, accommodating, absent-minded, measured, and a flaneur (a stroller of urban boulevards in search of erotic or other adventure). A male friend I've known for a while said I present as stylish, intelligent, and pleasant. A former acquaintance said that I have have style in an old-fashioned, new-fangled sort of way. There's a common thread running through this.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
A gay friend once remarked,"You love musical theater and opera and care about dressing well. Are you sure you're straight?" (Does it matter? He also dubbed me an honorary queer, which I took as a high compliment.) I also love classic jazz, blues, and movies. I would rather read mysteries or history or argue politics than watch the game. You can probably guess my favorite musical artist. I like the outdoors, especially if it's the Upper West Side. (Though I've often enjoyed tent camping vacations in places with trees.) My idea of a perfect evening is dinner and a show in New York City in the autumn, ending with a late night that is exquisitely sensual, and perhaps delightfully painful for somebody, and maybe dim sum in Chinatown in the morning. I'd teleport to Florence in, er, a New York minute. I presently live in Chicago.

I still have way too much stuff but I prefer people and travel, ideally travel with people, to possessions. I don't smoke or use drugs, drink moderately, and mostly eat vegetarian. It's not important to me that a partner or friend share (very many) of my nonstandard preferences, but if you think that the Tea Party is really cool, think that arming teachers is a good response to school shootings, and think it's just fine that six Wal*Mart heirs have more wealth than the bottom 41.5% of the population, or suspect that my tastes really might mean I'm gay and think that'd be a problem, we'd have some uphill sledding.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
My family (kids, grandkid, sisters, in-laws,), sex, hope (the last thing left in the box), high-end leather, Katz's Deli on the Lower East Side.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
See item two above. (That's only partially a joke.) What can be done about the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. How I can accept myself as I am _and_ be a better person. My work. What I'm going to do over the medium run
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
These days I don't have too many typical Fridays.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
If you look at my answers to some of the questions you can draw appropriate inferences. The short versions of any of the answers are actually in this profile out for all to see.

Some of my answers, not those I refer to here, are out-of-date and reflect former life circumstances. I change these as I find them, but I've answered a lot of questions. And no doubt when I've changed them my life will be different again.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You are an intelligent erotically adventurous, open-minded woman with at least some potential interest in kink from a submissive side, and are not possessive or jealous. Or you just think that someone as peculiar as I am might make an interesting friend. You should have brains, wit, style, maturity --whatever your age-- stability, self-sufficiency, honesty, curiosity -- and are someone with enough interest and patience to read all this.

You must be nonmonogamous, poly, or happy to be with someone who is. (That'd be me.) You should be comfortable with absolute honesty and transparency, because that's what you'll get from me, and willing to discuss needs, desires, issues, personal and other, with complete explicitness. I'm afraid reading minds is not my superpower.

We all have baggage: ours ought to be at least reasonably interesting to the other. Yours should not contain current or recent serious substance abuse, debilitating psychological problems, or, if we're to be partners, STDs. Mine doesn't involve any of these, despite the usual complement of interesting issues one picks up in living.

For me, friendship is first. I'm interested in relationships that involve _relationships_, not just physical contact. And in fact in relationships that are fun and interesting whether or not they involve physical contact. We can see what develops -- or just enjoy the play. I'm creative if you're patient; there are lots of ways to do things, and who's in a hurry?

* See (about gays but generally applicable)