Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
The truth is that I'm just a really lonely guy. Nobody loves me. I
masturbate constantly. Sometimes when I'm masturbating I imagine
squirrels making love in the rain. Is that weird? I don't think I'm
attracted to squirrels but.... Never mind.
Sometimes I play Adam and Eve with mice. I'll give them all the
cheese a mouse's heart could ever desire. Cheddar, american,
swiss............ I tell them they can eat any one of them they'd
like......... except for one. If they eat the one I don't want them
to eat I feed them to my cat.
I guess I'm just looking for a girl that likes to cook and clean. A
girl that loves squirrels.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I'm always on the hunt for a good ant hill. Those communist don't
know a thing about democracy. I usually walk around in my underwear
with a can of gasoline in my hand pretending like I'm Ronald
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Cat in the Hat, Fast and the Furious, Jerry Springer Show, Justin
Beiber, and mashed potatoes.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Nails, rocks, concrete, sewing machines, chalk boards, and last but
not least............ fire hydrants.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
What Rosie O'donnell, and Whoopi Goldberg's baby would look like.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I have a Kiss shirt that I only wear when I eat macaroni and
cheese. Let me elaborate.
I make macaroni and cheese. I put on my Kiss shirt. I eat the
macaroni and cheese. When I'm finished I take my Kiss shirt back
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You want to catch Cheetos on fire.
Who are you looking for?
This helps us know who to show you on OkCupid.