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jarheadchad

21 M New Brunswick, NJ

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 9:58pm
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
6′ 2″ (1.88m)
Body Type
Athletic
Diet
Mostly anything
Smokes
When drinking
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Sometimes
Religion
Buddhism, and laughing about it
Sign
Education
Job
Art / Music / Writing
Income
$20,000–$30,000
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids
Pets
Likes dogs and likes cats
Speaks
English (Fluently), Spanish (Poorly)

Similar Users

My self-summary
1. Tall
2. Musician
3. Classically educated
4. Bilingual
5.
6. AIDS-free
7. Pacifist
8. Pseudo-intellectual
9. No limp
10. Batteries INCLUDED (and not those weird store brand ones either, I'm talking Duracell)
11. Dislikes sour cream
12. Attached earlobes
13. Doesn't have an online dating profile
14. ???
15. Just date me

WHAT'S THERE NOT TO LOVE, LADIES??? (<--- Originally forgot the comma here... sort of changes the meaning...)
I’m really good at
Not living in the wilderness.

Bragging about myself on the Internet

Celling. And by that I mean that I am a cellist.

Not practicing my cello at all anymore and using that confession as an excuse to never showcase my quickly-fading abilities.

Fragments.

Not giving a fcuk.

Not giving a chainsaw.

Using moderately obscure references and assuming no one will be confused by them.

using big words and stuff so i seem more smart

Coming across as a total douchecruiser.

Being a total douchecruiser.

Creating derogatory terms such as 'douchecruiser'.

Suing people for copyright infringement when they use the word 'douchecruiser' without my permission, because I'm poor.

Being the douchecruiser incarnate.

Sad attempts at self-deprecating humor.

Mediocre attempts at self-referential humor.

Referencing the fact that I have utilized self-referential humor.

Deluding myself into thinking I am clever.

Deriving comfort from the fact that at least I'm probably more clever than you.
The first things people usually notice about me
is that I was named after a famous British author, and am therefore, statistically speaking, better than you.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books:

Skymall, Goodnight Moon, my own autobiography

Movies:

Really introspective art house films, like Super Troopers and Backdoor Sluts 9

Shows:

Da Ali G Show
Sherlock
Louie
Tosh.0
House Of Cards
South Park
Nathan For You
The Chaser's War on Everything
Robot Chicken
Tim & Eric Awesome Show Great Job

Music:

Lots of metal, jazz fusion, classical, electronic, and the sound of small children screaming in pain

Food:

The only things I would never willingly eat again are sour cream and human flesh. (Do you like how I implied that I've engaged in cannibalism?)
The six things I could never do without
nitrogen
oxygen
dihydrogen monoxide
carbon
nutrients
most of my non-vestigial bodily organs

I took that question literally. And that was not the function of the query. I'm honestly unsure why I don't have my own show on Comedy Central by now.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
a world without bummers, man, ya know?
On a typical Friday night I am
wondering if "typical" Friday nights dislike being stereotyped and would go to great lengths to do things that weren't so "predictable". YOU DON'T KNOW THEM AS WELL AS YOU THINK YOU DO. God.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 18–30
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex
You should message me if
any portion of this unconscionably lengthy and deplorably asinine profile caused one or more corners of your mouth to rise upwards or caused you to exhale sharply out your nose.

Or if you're willing to elope with me ASAP, my passport is about to expire.