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jarheadchad

22 M New Brunswick, NJ

I’m looking for

  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 18–30
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex

My Details

Last Online
Online now!
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
6′ 2″ (1.88m)
Body Type
Athletic
Diet
Mostly anything
Smokes
When drinking
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Sometimes
Religion
Buddhism, and laughing about it
Sign
Education
Job
Art / Music / Writing
Income
$20,000–$30,000
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids
Pets
Likes dogs and likes cats
Speaks
English (Fluently), Spanish (Poorly)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
1. Tall
2. Musician
3. Classically educated
4. Trisexual
5.
5.5. Hates orgasms
6. Ebola-free
7. Pacifist
8. Pseudo-intellectual
9. No limp
10. Batteries included
11. Dislikes sour cream
12. Attached earlobes
13. Doesn't have an online dating profile
14. ???
15. Just date me

I'm a sasshole. Sarcastic, sassy, and I have an asshole.
I avoid idioms like no tomorrow.
I give twerking lessons.
Chrome's spellcheck doesn't recognize "twerking" as a word. Or "spellcheck". Maybe I should switch it back to English.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
lol k
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Not living in the wilderness.

Bragging about myself on the Internet

Celling. And by that I mean that I am a cellist.

Not practicing my cello at all anymore and using that confession as an excuse to avoid showcasing my quickly-fading abilities.

Fragments.

Not giving a fcuk.

Spelling.

Not giving a chainsaw.

Using moderately obscure references and assuming no one will be confused by them.

using big words and stuff so i seem more smarter

Coming across as a total douchecruiser.

Being a total douchecruiser.

Creating derogatory terms such as 'douchecruiser'.

Suing people for copyright infringement when they use the word 'douchecruiser' without my permission, because I'm poor.

Being the douchecruiser incarnate.

Sad attempts at self-deprecating humor.

Mediocre attempts at self-referential humor.

Referencing the fact that I have utilized self-referential humor.

Deluding myself into thinking I am clever.

Deriving comfort from the fact that at least I'm probably more clever than you.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
is that I was named after a famous British author, and am therefore, statistically speaking, better than you.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books:

Skymall, Goodnight Moon, my own autobiography

Movies:

Really introspective art house films, like Super Troopers and Backdoor Sluts 8 (not 9, you undiscerning ape)

Shows:

Da Ali G Show
Sherlock
Louie
Tosh.0
House Of Cards
South Park
Nathan For You
The Chaser's War on Everything
Robot Chicken
Tim & Eric Awesome Show Great Job

Music:

Lots of metal, jazz fusion, classical, electronic, and the sound of small children screaming in pain

Food:

The only things I would never willingly eat again are sour cream, human flesh, and cannibals.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
nitrogen
oxygen
dihydrogen monoxide
carbon
nutrients
most of my non-vestigial bodily organs

I took that question literally. And that was not the function of the query. I'm honestly unsure why I don't have my own show on Comedy Central by now.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
a world without bummers, man, ya know?
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
wondering if "typical" Friday nights dislike being stereotyped and would go to great lengths to do things that weren't so "predictable".
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I have a vagina fetish.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
you despise fun, laughter, and orgasms.
Also, and more importantly, if you're capable of independent thought.