I AM ...
an artist
a musician
a computer dork
a sensitive / intuitive
a Taurean through and through
a snowboarder
a graphic / web designer

MY FAMILY ROOTS ...
My mom's grandmother was Smokey Mountain Cherokee.
My mom's mother was bipolar and addicted to pills.
My mom's father was a genius, and severely depressed.
My mom has the strongest will I've ever known.

My dad's mother got pregnant with my father at 14.
My dad's grandmother raised him as her own.
My dad didn't discover this fact until he was 21.
My dad doesn't know who his father is.
My dad was/is an alcoholic.

A LITTLE PERSONAL HISTORY ...
My mom left my father when I was a year old.
I spent my days in the care of babysitters until the age of four.
My step father has been 'dad' since before I can remember.
I grew up in a small New England town on the ocean.
I left home two weeks before Christmas (sorry mom).
My shortest relationship lasted three years.
My first serious girlfriend left me for a Mexican drug runner.
My second girlfriend turned out to be a meth addict and almost cost me my life.
My third girlfriend and I broke up because she couldn't/wouldn't commit.

"USELESS INFORMATION" ...
I like to 'fix' things.
I cried the first time I saw TOOL live.
I've met Death.
I've met God.
I hear things / 'voices' etc. in my head.
I am pierced and tattooed.
I have all my wisdom teeth.
I don't watch TV.
I've never been in a fight.
I've never been to a strip club.
I recently became intimately aware of ego.
I'm recently finding things I didn't know I'd lost.
I recently starting buying/eating organic.
I am in the best shape of my life.

BLATANT SELF PROMOTION ...
http://www.jahnbenjamin.com/
My artist portfolio site

http://www.rabidmindstudios.com/
My commercial graphic / web design site

http://www.myspace.com/jahnbenjamin
My music page (extremely outdated)

Big Change! it's time for a move ... back to the ocean ... somewhere with a thriving art scene ... somewhere to pursue my own art and music ... somewhere beautiful and powerful ....

Latley ... big spiritual shits, realizations and revelations. Doing my best to decipher the clues stay positive and integrate lessons learned into my stubborn ass. Basically just doin' the bull dance, feelin' the flow, and workin' it ... workin' it.

I may have missed my calling as a race/rally car driver.
As cocky as this sounds, I'm pretty 'good' at everything I choose to be.

Piercings I suppose ... or that shit in my face as some so eloquently put it.

I'm told I can be incredibly intimidating at first ... some old defense mechanism throwback I guess.

Books : "The Power of Now", "Way of the Peaceful Warrior"

Movies : Those with the artistic touch ... interesting camera angles, lighting techniques, well written dialogue / storyline, etc.

Music : TOOL, TCQ, the ROOTS, Talib Kweli & Mos Def, Rise Against, Brother Ali, Citizen Cope, Incubus, AOTP, Macklemore, Lupe Fiasco

Food : Sushi!

Home
Imagination
Art / Music
Communion
Nature
Silence

Questions that can't be answered.
Why and how.

One night about five years ago ... I experienced ... an event?

So I'm watching TV ... partying a little (a few drinks, a little smoke) and suddenly I start blacking out ... tunneling. I get spooked because I can't shake it ... breath control, meditation ... nothing worked. Then I met death ... it felt like my soul and consciousness was being ripped out of my body by the top of my spine. Like a tug-of-war ... my girlfriend at the time was of course freaking out trying to help ... but every touch, every sound, every 'distraction' and my grip would slip ... I fought for hours until finally I made my way to sleep.

In the days and months that followed ... I was changed ... reality had slipped ... nothing seemed real ... everything seemed to have this ... fragile skin of turbulent energy at its surface ... it seemed that the fabric of the world might rip at any time ... like anything might happen at any time ... it's difficult to explain.

I was experiencing auditory hallucinations nearly all the day through ... now I had become accustomed to these 'hallucinations' previously, generally before sleep ... essentially through deep meditation. Now they had become frantic and they had moved from somewhere deep in the back of my mind right to the front ... sometimes I had difficulty determining what was real and what was in my head. I even had a few visual hallucinations ... mostly out of the corner of my eye or just out of sight ... but once in a while right in plain view ... ghosts, shadows ... once a coyote.

At any rate this went on all day ever day for three months ... at six months I had begun to learn to control it ... not until two years later did I finally learn to prevent it entirely.

Now it is merely a low hum somewhere deep down ... once in a great while it bubbles back up but mostly in the form of a 'panic attack'

Soooooo .... there you go ... crazy huh ... not the best selling point for a dating site I know ... but depending on what you read into it ... your belief system ... it was a turning point in my life ... something important is there ... I only need to decipher it.

I want to meet the artists, the musicians, the creative souls, and the free thinkers ... the indigo's, fellow warriors of 'truth' and light, you know who you are.

I suppose you should message me if you feel compelled to do so.