36 Knoxville, TN
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My self-summary
Who the heck am I?

Well, I'm a teacher and a graduate student who recently emerged from an academic haze to conclude that life is more than dead languages and research. I'm looking for a nice gal to do some fun stuff with, preferably where we eat something, drink something with booze in it, and then move around in some way or look at something.

I'm interested in, and like to talk about lots of things, including, but not limited to cooking shows, booze, the mars rover, bicycles, quantum physics, contrafactual conditions, my attempts at German poetry, Beyonce, whatever's in national geographic, cooking appliances, Swedish people, why [x] is funnier than [y], asteroids, food, whether or not that phantom pain I have is cancer, dark roasts, the Black Death, my zombie novel, string theory, the likelihood that I will be eaten by sharks, participles, the dreamy Timothy Oliphant, catapults, polar bears, why [y] is superior to [x], the space program, and whether that guy who thinks he is so cool is really all that cool. I don't care that you have exactly the same interests, just that you are fun to talk with and have opinions about stuff. Also, please like my dog.

What the heck am I like?

Well, my mom says I'm hilarious. She also says I'm the smartest, strongest, nicest, best looking boy in the whole world. So if you are anything like my mom you will think I'm great.

Some of our nation's top critics have said:

“[he] is like if ‘Superbad’ met ‘Midnight Run’ and they had a baby, and then ‘Pulp Fiction’ and ‘True Romance’ met ‘Freaks and Geeks’ and ‘Undeclared’ and they had a baby, and by some miracle those babies met — this would be the funny [guy] they birthed.”
–Rolling Stone

“You’ll never see your windshield wipers the same way again.”
-Screen Intl.

What the heck else do you need to know?

Lots, but if I'm going to lay myself bare I should probably have some booze in my system.
What I’m doing with my life
I write about medieval things, and read very old languages.
I’m really good at
Deflecting this question. I'm also really good at telling you whether you could pass western civ 101. Unfortunately, I've aged out of dating the demographic who might benefit the most from this.
The first things people usually notice about me
That I have forgotten their names and that my back pockets are over flowing with plastic bags for some reason. Frankly, the reason is poop. Ajax Mcdog's poop to be exact.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
My musical tastes are all over the place. There is a special place in my heart, however, for Dolly Parton, 90s hip hop, and Pinback. And since I'm old I sometimes get nostalgic for grunge music.
Bookwise I read history, scifi, and books about zombies. Right this second I'm reading a book about medieval papal monarchy. It could use a few zombies. I watch Game of Thrones, Justified, the Daily Show, the Walking Dead, Breaking Bad, and shows about black holes or animals eating each other. I think Bill and Teds Excellent Adventure is the Greatest Movie Ever.
The six things I could never do without
my dog Ajax
dried mango
my bicycle
stuff that is funny
the space program
second guessing things
the woods
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Solar flares and our rapidly expanding universe. I also think about the apocalypse and how or if I will survive it. Currently I'm woefully unprepared, and can only hope some kindly farmer will teach me to grow radiation turnips or something.
On a typical Friday night I am
I am living the dream.

And by dream I mean an unrelenting, dystopian, Lovecraftian nightmare where up is down, down is up, and my dog uses the toilet and picks up my poop..... wait, what were we talking about again?
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I have kind of a ghetto booty... I mean, it's not a huge secret, but it's something I feel obligated to warn people about in advance.
You should message me if
you like the cut of my jib, and you don't actually think I make more than 1,000,000 dollars.