1. I'm in pretty good shape, so I can keep up when we're running from the cops.

2. I don't have the AIDS.

3. I'm not your ex-girlfriend. What a crazy bitch she turned out to be.

4. I "get" you.

5. If I don't "get" you, I will pretend to really convincingly.

6. Want the secret of life? Good, because I have it.

7. Four words: master of computer freecell.

8. I got 4th place in my 8th grade science fair!

9. I'm great with kids.

10. Okay that's a lie, keep them away from me.

11. I totally put out on the first date.

12. I can make us friendship bracelets... for FREE!

13. I have spectacular taste in music, so you don't have to bother making me mixed tapes or introducing me to whatever "great" bands you like.

14. I'm pretty flaky, so you won't have to sacrifice any of your alone time for me.

15. My friends and I have all four Planned Parenthood locations' phone numbers on speed-dial, you know, just in case.

turn-ons: liberals, musicians, artists, indie nerds, atheists and agnostics, fancy beer lovers, documentaries, foreign films, alter-egos, bicycles, cyclists, travelers, dives, witty writers, intelligence, insomniacs, Montrose, the Heights

turn-offs: the suburbs, the military, abbreviations such as 'u' instead of 'you,' typing lol unless used ironically, cargo pants, poor grammar such as confusing your and you're, excessive exclamation points, goatees, pictures taken in the mirror, pictures of guys shirtless or with cars, religious people (unless members of a cult), tribal tattoos, etc.

I probably won't respond to your message if:
- You're 21 or younger.
- It's clear you haven't read my profile.
- You're out of state and just want to chat.
- You have children.
- You're married.
- You're asking me for casual sex.
- You wink instead of messaging.
- You just write "hi" or "what's up."

I'm a procrastinating college student which means I like taking naps in the library and having picnics with squirrels in the campus courtyard.

being disagreeable, making fun of people, making poor choices

I'm not dead.

music: Modest Mouse, Ugly Casanova, Built to Spill, Radiohead, Elliott Smith, The French Kicks, Au Revoir Simone, Broken Social Scene, Beck, Wolf Parade, The Velvet Underground, Pavement, Spoon, Pinback, My Bloody Valentine, The Wrens, Fleet Foxes, Ratatat, Voxtrot, Interpol, Beulah, The Whitest Boy Alive, Junior Boys, Radio Dept., Beach House, Crystal Castles, Deerhunter, Cocorosie, Animal Collective, Gomez, The Dodos, M83, No Age, The Pains of Being Pure at Heart, TV On The Radio, Wavves, Coconut Records, Passion Pit, Hot Chip, Cut Copy & most other indie folk, electropop, trip-hop, shoegaze, shitgaze, etc.

movies: The Royal Tenenbaums, The Life Aquatic, Harold and Maude, The Graduate, The Virgin Suicides, Coffee and Cigarettes, The Big Lebowski, Amores Perros, Out of Africa, Pulp Fiction, Volver, Easy Rider, The Shawshank Redemption, and documentaries like Man on Wire, Jesus Camp, Born Into Brothels, The Education of Shelby Knox, Who Killed the Electric Car?, The Parrots of Telegraph Hill, Planet Earth and other nature documentaries, the TV and radio series This American Life

books: I try to keep my reading strictly to other people's bumper stickers and the warning labels on prescription bottles and home appliances. Just kidding I never read warning labels.

food: I especially like the foods that end with 'ese: Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, cheese etc. I cook at home often and wish I were better at it cooking the "-ese" food. I buy cage-free eggs and recycle milk cartons, just in case we meet and you decide to bring me eggs or throw away milk cartons in front of me.

Editors

• strangeluv

I spend a lot of time thinking about llamas. If I had a llama, I would name him Drama and dress him up all flashy like Liberace. He would look totally ridiculous. Then whenever people started fighting about something, I'd yell, "Drama Lllama!" Of course he would come when he heard his name called, and when he did everyone would be so distracted by how flamboyant and silly he was that they'd forget what they were arguing about. Drama Llama could create world peace.

Drinking with friends in Montrose

You should message me if you agree that llamas could create world peace. And/or if my list of turn-offs does not apply to you.