1) I'm not going to produce or raise children with you (childfree, lost 95% of readers already).
2) You won't be my only partner, any more than I'd want only one parent or only one sibling: the instinctive need to own a partner is for joint child raising, and we've already dropped that one (polyamory, 99% of readers gone).
3) Our ages might be badly mismatched, which doesn't particularly matter for people not arranging their life cycles around the next generation (99.9% gone).
4) Well done, survivors, now look at match scores and read words below (99.99999% gone).
Chapter One - I am born.
I was raised by wolves (well, Welsh people) so never developed the instincts for dealing with normal people without thinking about it. Fortunately I've thought about it a lot since then and now have a thorough understanding of how people behave and why. In theory. It's unclear whether this does more harm than good.
Chapter Two - what I want and don't want.
I want the same as everyone else: long term relationships with wonderful intelligent, witty, good women - but several at a time. I don't want short-term flings because I don't like the breaking up phase, and I don't want intense LDRs because I don't like the being separated most of the time. (I have in fact crossed the ocean for a heart of gold, but found the glister to be a property of email. Tut.)
The other big thing that explains a lot of my weirdness is my deep-time perspective, for example:
Where others see a narrow strip of land between hills and the Scottish coast, I see an ancient beach gouged flat as the glaciers melted and Britain became an island, then raised up as the slowly flowing rock recovered from having a mile of ice squashing it.
Where others see hand gestures as just emphasis, I see the involuntary muttering of our original language, still latent in the same brain structures we now use for spoken meaning, and only allowed to flower when deaf children invent or learn signing as a native language.
Where others see a wooden table as an inanimate object, I see a distant relative, made from an unbroken line of cell division back to the common ancestral soup of plants, fungus and animals.
Most things in small doses, and a few things in very large doses. Examples of the latter include:
Human language, particularly its relationship with our evolution, leading into evolutionary psychology and paleo-genetics. Those who forget their biological determinism are doomed to be determined by it.
Computer language, particularly inventing new networking languages with increasingly hoopy features.
Game design, turn-based internet, not role-playing and not graphical. I particularly like creating emergent behaviour, where complexity arises from simple rules: more like an ants' nest or a star than modern tax rules.
Science Fiction, mostly about ideas, though I can tolerate human interest in small amounts.
Financial derivatives, I like the endless sequence of made-up ways of trading in other made-up ways of trading. I suspect something so much fun is only legal because no-one can understand it.
History, mainly Roman and then extending out in time and space from there, but the central beauty remains Rome's transition from Republic to Empire: it's just wonderful.
Writing, mainly SF/fantasy/comedy.
And of course my lovely partners, including on here: Pogodragon, Wandra and black_tansy.
Met when we were chasing the same girl, married a month later in an end-of-term prank. Poly from the start in theory, becoming moreso in practice 15 years in. Unfortunately when the music stopped and she went monogamous, I didn't get the chair. Now living happily ever after as a man in Germany.
Primary 2 Pogodragon66
Met via internet when it was proper email with literacy and time to think, nothing too interactive. Converted her to polyamory, been together for 15 years and very happy. Also known as "wife", in a very unreconstructed pre-feminist way that's nevertheless quite endearing.
Mostly computer programming, first for satellite pictures, then financial dealing systems, then emulation of other computers, then getting other people to do the actual work. And now moved on to more useful things.
Odds and Ends
Vegetarian since 1977.
Recently learned to drive cars after 25 years on motorbikes.
Using email since before it was fashionable, when addresses contained '%' signs to control routing.
If you've read this far, or just skipped ahead to see how it ends, you may also want to look at some of my geekier thoughts, try my LiveJournal, or more delightfully front-ended with cat pictures.
I am delightful, endearing, and too clever by 0.51