Midgets and children look up to me.
Ghosts fear me.
I am left-handed. And right-handed.
I don’t believe in using oven mitts, nor potholders.
I live vicariously through myself.
Panhandlers give me money.
The police often question me, just because they find me interesting.
I do Geometry in my head.
I actually look better in real life than online photos.
My 7th Inning stretch could last through the 9th....
I've never not sat up straight.
Athletes seek my autograph.
My passport requires no photo.
I always round to five decimal points.
I can keep one eye on the past while looking into the future.
I've never found a penny that wasn't heads up.
When I drove my new car off the lot it increased in value.
Though I can't walk on water I've never slipped on ice.
I stared down a lion with just one glance.
Even my enemies list me as an emergency contact.
I once had an awkward moment, just to see what it was like.
Or maybe I'm just an interesting guy with a good sense of humor...