Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I'm Jacob...or Jake.
I'm fairly certain this will be filled with things that will push
people away from me rather than get me a date/friend. But, I'm
honest and don't care all that much if people don't like the truth.
Now that I've gotten you all psyched to read further, let's get to
I'm intelligent and incredibly funny. Those are the two things I'm
truly confident about. Somehow I never figured out how to use my
gifts to meet women.
Uh...don't let the intelligence thing fool you though. I'm poor,
unmotivated, have no drive or direction to accomplish great things
and am really just scraping by in life doing what I want to do at
the moment, rather than planning for little things like...the
I was in the military for four years...the Navy to be exact. Hated
it. Don't be impressed or admire what "I did for my country". I sat
in a cubicle doing computer troubleshooting work and network
security. About the only interesting thing I can think of was my
job title: Cryptologic Technician - Networks. People say, "WOW,
code breaking shit right?! You're like Rainman aren't you?!" And I
say, "No, I was more like the main character from Office Space."
And that's the truth. I didn't hold a gun, see another country or
even board a ship. I was never on the water and I was in the Navy.
I'm an atheist...I know it says so in that "My Details" section.
But I'm sure most of you skim that if you bother reading it at all.
So yeah, I've eliminated about 90% of you from even looking
further. Which is fine, I have no need for judgmental or
closed-minded people cutting down or berating my belief system. Or
even worse...trying to convert me to theirs.
Speaking of religion though, if you ARE religious in some form or
another I don't mind. I'm more concerned with people as a whole
rather than focusing on one aspect. You should know though, that I
love talking about/debating/arguing religion. Actually I love
debating just about anything. Not that I know everything...but it's
fun to me to polish my wit and cleverness and learn stuff
I love to laugh and make others laugh. I joke at the best of times
and at the worst of times. A quality some people don't appreciate.
I'm not concerned about it...if I think a laugh is needed, I'll
provide it. Even in inappropriate situations. I'm going to enjoy
the time I have, and try to help others do the same.
I'm not a fitness or health nut...I eat whatever. I don't watch
sports, nor do I care a single tiny itty bitty bit about them. They
bore me like nothing else can. I will play some sports though, but
nowadays that rarely happens. So if you're into sports...don't
expect me to get interested. I've tried...nope.
I'm sure there's plenty more to say...but this is really long and
honestly, you people probably aren't even reading it all. Taking a
look at my foolish pictures and judging me on that I bet. No
worries, you gotta be physically attracted too. I get it.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Not a lot. I'm tired of school at this point. Have an Associates
with a focus on philosophy and psychology. Will it get me any
worthwhile jobs or a sustainable income? Of course it won't.
I beg for "gas money" in parking lots. Then I spend it on anything
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Talking about myself, looking good and impressing everyone I meet,
just being a narcissistic jerk in general. You know...typical
Also: reading, gaming, computer...ing, debating, making people
laugh, not giving a shit, floating through life, and I'm awesome at
making my cats purrrrrr. Impressed?
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm skinny, I'm not tan, I look asian. Some people like my eyes,
some my teeth. Some people don't like a single thing about my face.
Those people are never heard from again.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Authors: Michael Crichton, Stephen King, Sam Harris, Christopher
Hitchens, Richard Dawkins...to name a few. Does it matter? 80% of
you people consider reading a waste of time or for geeks.
Movies: Stand By Me and The Shawshank Redemption are my two
Shows: Dexter, Breaking Bad, Seinfeld, Curb Your Enthusiasm
Music: Liking myself some dubstep right now, also enjoy most
electronic music, trance, techno, ebm, whatever. Rock, metal, 80's,
oldies...wait a minute...I'm just listing everything now. That's
ridiculous. I like almost everything, but dubstep and techno are
Food: I'm pretty clear about my diet in the "My Details" section.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
People write the most boring things here. I refuse to be a part of
At least until I think of something clever to put.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Don't wanna do this one either. I think about a lot of shit and
it's tedious to type it all out. If you and I start talking,
chances are you'll enter that strange and alarming place that is my
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Reading or sleeping...or taking a bath while reading and then
falling asleep. Being jerked awake by inhaling dirty bath water
that I've fallen asleep in and trying to dry out my wet book.
Or driving around listening to music. That's fun too.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I shaved my pubes a few times down to the skin. Shaved AGAINST THE
GRAIN. Am I retarded? Why would I do that? Well, a friend said he
did and that I should try it. Obviously that's good enough of a
Aftermath: Uh, blood and pain mostly. Then like 20 ingrown hairs
and blood in my boxers for a few days. Too much information?
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You like what you've read...or really hate what you've read. I'm so
desperate for attention that I don't really give a shit why you
message me. Just do it already.
Who are you looking for?
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