I am the least easy-going person you will ever meet. I am
repetitive, high strung, judgemental, selfish, and
I don't like small private gatherings or large parties because I
don't really like being around people at all. I only enjoy talking
about myself and will at all times try to make the subject of any
conversation about myself rather than about you.
I have poor manners and I am extremely awkward in any type of
social setting whenever I do venture out into public. An evening
with me would most likely be filled with long uncomfortable pauses
after I say or do something strange.
What I’m doing with my life
When I am not working as a male stripper, helping rescue abandoned
puppies and kittens, or teaching my Lambada / sensual massage
classes I like to spend my free time exercising and training my
I’m really good at
Going completely off topic, like this one time I was at my
brother's house and I started telling him this story about how an
altoid, the curiously strong mint, almost ended my life. I always
thought that altoid was such a strange name for a mint, it sounds
more like some kind of heartburn medicine than it does something
that would give you fresh breath, like Listerine. There is nothing
about the word Listerine that makes me think of mouthwash, sounds
more like some kind of caustic chemical you would use to clean
machine parts or something. Anyway......what was I talking
Also: Run-on sentences. I am really good at those.
The first things people usually notice about me
That I am not Nicholas Cage. Which is odd because I really don't
look like him or try to act like him at all, but that is probably
true for most people, except for Nicholas Cage impersonators and,
of course, Nicholas Cage, but I can't tell you how many times
people have just randomly walked up to me on the street or in a bar
and said "HOLY SHIT!!! You are most definitely not Nicholas Cage!!"
Like for some reason they are really surprised by that fact. I
don't even like Nicholas Cage. It's just odd.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Favorite Book: Stranger in a Strange Land, Dune, American Psycho,
Just started reading Chuck Pal....something (I can never remember
how to spell his name) Anything that makes you look at the world in
a different way after you are through. Like literary hallucinogens.
Reading Brave New World finally. So far it frightens me.
Movies: The Big Lebowski, Spotless Sunshine of the Eternal Mind,
Most things by Wes Anderson, Hamlet 2, and most things by David
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, How I Met Your Mother, Liquid
Television, Ren and Stimpy, Spongebob, Arrested Developement
Mojo Nixon (if you are a fan send me a message, I don't know anyone
else who likes him) Beck, lotta punk, some rap, barely any country
(mostly just the old stuff), Some blue grass, and starting to get
more into the techo kinda stuff. I just saw Sleigh Bells and they
were freaking amazing.
Food: Anything as long as its good. I would eat insects if they are
The six things I could never do without
My Dungeons and Dragons rule book
I spend a lot of time thinking about
How to explain jokes to people. I love when people don't get the
jokes I tell them because then I get to explain it, and not a short
concise explanation, an extremely long and drawn out explanation
that goes into exquisite detail. Then by the time I am done the
other person gets the joke, but still doesn't find it funny because
it was explained to them and that isn't how jokes work. I find this
to be deliciously ironic and I love irony.
On a typical Friday night I am
I don't think I have typical Friday nights. I am either with my
kids or doing something else: going to a friends, going to a bar,
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I would love to date a really angry and possessive woman who says
things like "AND WHO THE FUCK IS THIS B***H!!!??" when she see's me
with another woman. Even when I am in the most innocent of settings
such as with my kids teacher or my cousin or something. You know,
something to make me feel loved.
You should message me if
you don't take life too seriously
You know what an Owl neck detector device is used for
you have good taste in music
you ride bulls
you need help changing a tire
you regularly employ good grammar