29 Orlando, FL
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My self-summary
Everything I need to know I learned from the Ying Yang Twins
What I’m doing with my life
I'm a web developer. It pays the bills until I get my big break doing porn.
I’m really good at
Simulating coitus with my hand, imbibing spirits.
The first things people usually notice about me
My face. Or whatever. Fuck you.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Music (if we have the same taste in music, you win. Stop reading and say hello):
Off With Their Heads, Alkaline Trio, NOFX, Less Than Jake, We Are The Union, Nothington, Me First and the Gimme Gimmes, Dropkick Murphys, The Bouncing Souls, Lagwagon, The Swellers, Against Me!, blink-182, Swingin' Utters, Polar Bear Club, Elway, The Loved Ones, Strung Out, The Flatliners, The Menzingers, DMX, Ol' Dirty Bastard, Rancid, Wu-Tang Clan, The Wonder Years, Pennywise, The Offspring, Anti-Flag, The Lawrence Arms, 2Pac, The Gaslight Anthem, Dear Landlord, Streetlight Manifesto, Rise Against, AFI, A Wilhelm Scream, Social Distortion, Nas, Joey Cape, New Found Glory, Bad Religion, Beastie Boys, Green Day, Willie Nelson, Jay-Z, Weezer, Mixtapes, Millencolin, Dead to Me, No Use for a Name.


Entirely too many to list out. I will say I'm primarily a comedy man. I have a fairly impressive knowledge base of movie quotes.

TV Shows:
Archer, South Park, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Sons of Anarchy, Parks and Recreation, Scrubs, The Simpsons, Family Guy, Breaking Bad, Weeds, Workaholics, Eastbound and Down, Dexter, Aquateen Hunger Force, Robot Chicken

I'm currently reading the Silo Series by Hugh Howey

If it's bad for me, I'm probably into it
The six things I could never do without
All I've got is my pen pal and my dick, and that's all I want and that's certainly all I need
I spend a lot of time thinking about
thos Beans
On a typical Friday night I am
Consuming libations
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
My cousin Walter jerked off in public once. True story. He was on a plane to New Mexico when all of the sudden the hydraulics went. The plane started spinning around, going out of control, so he decides it's all over and whips it out and starts beating it right there. So all the other passengers take a cue from him and they start whipping it out and beating like mad. So all the passengers are beating off, plummeting to their certain doom, when all of the sudden, snap! The hydraulics kick back in. The plane rights itself and it land safely and everyone puts their pieces or, whatever, you know, away and deboard. No one mentions the phenomenon to anyone else.
You should message me if
You're passionate about pizza rolls and the Oxford comma.

You should not message me if:
You "don't see what was so bad about the last season of Dexter."