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29 Orlando, FL Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 21-40
  • Near me
  • For long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Yesterday – 9:16am
Relationship Type
Mostly monogamous
5' 7" (1.70m)
Body Type
Average build
Christianity but it’s not important
Two-year college
Doesn’t have kids and doesn’t want them
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Everything I need to know I learned from the Ying Yang Twins
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I'm a web developer. It pays the bills until I get my big break doing porn.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Simulating coitus with my hand, imbibing spirits.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My face. Or whatever. Fuck you.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Music (if we have the same taste in music, you win. Stop reading and say hello):
Off With Their Heads, Alkaline Trio, NOFX, Less Than Jake, We Are The Union, Nothington, Me First and the Gimme Gimmes, Dropkick Murphys, The Bouncing Souls, Lagwagon, The Swellers, Against Me!, blink-182, Swingin' Utters, Polar Bear Club, Elway, The Loved Ones, Strung Out, The Flatliners, The Menzingers, DMX, Ol' Dirty Bastard, Rancid, Wu-Tang Clan, The Wonder Years, Pennywise, The Offspring, Anti-Flag, The Lawrence Arms, 2Pac, The Gaslight Anthem, Dear Landlord, Streetlight Manifesto, Rise Against, AFI, A Wilhelm Scream, Social Distortion, Nas, Joey Cape, New Found Glory, Bad Religion, Beastie Boys, Green Day, Willie Nelson, Jay-Z, Weezer, Mixtapes, Millencolin, Dead to Me, No Use for a Name.

Entirely too many to list out. I will say I'm primarily a comedy man. I have a fairly impressive knowledge base of movie quotes.

TV Shows:
Archer, South Park, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Sons of Anarchy, Parks and Recreation, Scrubs, The Simpsons, Family Guy, Breaking Bad, Weeds, Workaholics, Eastbound and Down, Dexter, Aquateen Hunger Force, Robot Chicken

I'm currently reading the Silo Series by Hugh Howey

If it's bad for me, I'm probably into it
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
All I've got is my pen pal and my dick, and that's all I want and that's certainly all I need
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
thos Beans
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Consuming libations
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My cousin Walter jerked off in public once. True story. He was on a plane to New Mexico when all of the sudden the hydraulics went. The plane started spinning around, going out of control, so he decides it's all over and whips it out and starts beating it right there. So all the other passengers take a cue from him and they start whipping it out and beating like mad. So all the passengers are beating off, plummeting to their certain doom, when all of the sudden, snap! The hydraulics kick back in. The plane rights itself and it land safely and everyone puts their pieces or, whatever, you know, away and deboard. No one mentions the phenomenon to anyone else.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You're passionate about pizza rolls and the Oxford comma.

You should not message me if:
You "don't see what was so bad about the last season of Dexter."