Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
So apparently the picture of a door I had as my profile picture was
deemed 'inappropriate' enough by one user to flag it for removal
and put a serious dent in my ability to find people I like and then
avoid contact with through a paralysing fear of rejection. I was
actually doing you a favour, but if you really must have a photo
here's one that;
1) is of me, and is of my face or body
2) is not copywritten material
3) is not of an animal or child
4) is not pornographic (unless your eyesight/imagination is
I want a girl with
A mind like a diamond
I want a girl who
Knows what's best
I want a girl with
Shoes that cut
And eyes that burn
I want a girl with
The right allocations
Who's fast and thorough
And sharp as a tack
With her jewellery
She's putting up her hair
She's touring the facilities
And picking up slack
I want a girl with a short skirt
And a lonnnnng jacket.
Failing that, if you have either red hair/interesting
accent*/freckles or any combination of the above, congratulations,
apparently I'm biologically programmed to love you even if you
don't fit the skirt/jacket size ratio criteria.
*interesting, not fucking annoying...sorry Liverpool.
I'm a bit of a contradiction. I like having a good time with people
but like my own company. I'm full of good ideas but too
conservative to go by my own advice. I'm male but I hate football
(but I support Shrewsbury out of massively misplaced hometown
pride). I get on with lots of different types of people but not
more than 4 at a time (situation specific, if it IS some kind of
syndrome it's a bloody specific one) and i dont like crowds. I
think a lot about the right thing to say/ do and then blurt out the
opposite. I am a grammar Nazi but am dyslexic. I would say I'm easy
going but that would be a lie - I'm probably seething about
something at any given time, but I'm good at keeping it hidden
until I get over it or until I get to the fast food restaurant and
have to shoot a hole in the ceiling so I get what I want ( if you
haven't seen that film you should, even if it only makes you
thankful I can't get my hands on a rpg over here)
I'm probably a pain in the ass to be honest.
Ok so that was fairly tame in that I didn't swear half as much as I
probably would have done if I had been saying it out loud. I tend
to adapt myself, my mannerisms and my language to suit the company
( hence the 4 person limit - gets a bit tricky above that) so I try
to keep the swearing down, but frankly I couldn't give a fuck about
it otherwise. Swearing is only swearing if you take it literally,
otherwise it's just words. It's not like I'm actually going to fuck
that duck, is it? (Net-Cops; I'm not) So get a sense of
perspective. Swearing is useful and does make some things literally
funny as fuck. It's also very descriptive, in fact I've often been
lost for words trying to describe something to my mum without it.
'Very big' just doesn't seem to cut it. Having said that I'm pretty
good at gauging the audience and am polite and well mannered when
required so I can convince your parents I'm good for you while
secretly sullying your mind with my ever expanding repetoire of
creative swear words.
I have a severe aversion to the syllable 'op'. Yes. A syllable. I
told you I was a pain in the ass. There are a number of words I
have problems with but that's a pretty common denominator. So if
you ask me to pop something on top of something, one or both of
those things will almost certainly end up broken. This same
principle applies to a number of words and phrases, especially
things that I would refer to as 'twee', text speak, bad grammar,
and references to things being greater than 100% when, by
definition, they can't be. Oh, and cliches. Are you bubbly? Or are
you just overweight? I'm not judging, I could certainly stand to
lose a bit myself; but until you are literally effervescent, just
say what you mean.
It did say summary didn't it...
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Trying to work out what I want to do. I'm not a career person, and
I don't care about money as long as I have enough to get by (in the
interview for my current job I managed to ask for less than they
could actually pay me -score!) although plans for the next 5 years
include more snowboarding trips and Japan, maybe even at the same
time should money start growing on trees.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Procrastinating, giving good advice but not taking it.
Understatement. Sarcasm. Daydreaming. Forgetting good jokes, or the
word I need to finish a sentence sounding intelligent, therefore
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I would ask someone but I'm not sure I want to know. The fact that
I look much less like Jack Bauer than I want to, but probably much
more like TIm Roth than I want to?
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Going to have to come back to this when I'm on the PC because I
can't really afford to crush my iPhone in my impotent fists of
rage, the inevitable result of trying to type in lots of bands and
films which didn't make it onto Steve Jobs' hotlist for the
dictionary. Yeah, I'm talking about you, fucking autocorrect
bastard. I'm sure if thom yorke had wanted to be referred to as
thom title he'd have gone and paid the £50 and be done with
Queens of the stone age
Credence Clearwater revival
Thom title (apparently) and most things radiohead (seriously, why
the fuck am I having to correct that from radioheaf? What the fuck
is a radioheaf?)
Loads of stuff. I don't have a type really, and am willing to give
anything a chance. Some might say that's eclectic, but that's just
your way of trying to make yourself sound like a special little
snowflake with extraordinary tastes. I have no taste and I don't
care. I like what I like, and if i like something you think is
shit, then surely I win by virtue of having more stuff I can listen
On the otherhand, freestyle jazz. Whataloadofshit. And no, daddyo,
it's not cos I don't 'get' it. It's because it's a fucking mess and
it hurts my mind.
Samuel L Jackson films (yes, all of them, don't be hatin')
Some books. Quite a lot of books actually. Read the music section
above if you're Interested, just replace 'music' with 'books' and
'freestyle jazz' with 'celebrity autobiographies'.
You get the idea, all the good stuff and certainly nothing that I
should be ashamed of... Right?
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Internet, diet coke, music, an alternative option to public
transport, science. Not sure about the sixth. Probably the ability
to rant, like about how people put things like 'air, water, food'
in this box like they're exploring the furthest reaches of mirth
like a cultural Columbus. And before you say 'well, you should put
air cos you use up enough with all your ranting', I should remind
you we're on the Internet, bitches, covered under point 1!
'oh dude, you're so under the thumb of The Man; you were asked for
6 and you just like, totally bent over and let him shaft you like
his bitch'. I put 6 because I can read and understand the question.
Putting 7 does not make you James Dean.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
What I'm doing compared to what I should be doing, and how long I
can get away with it. I'm very easily distracted, to the point
where I can finish one sentence talking about something completely
different to what I was on about when I started. Just held it
together there though.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Not in a club. Happy to be wherever as long as I can actually hear
the people I'm with.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I used to do ballet. At the convent I was at. It would probably be
amusing if it wasn't so heartbreakingly true.
For someone that's pretty shy, I'm surprisingly willing to admit to
embarrassing things in person. I suppose I must have few scruples
and even less dignity.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You can deal with someone who doesn't fit into your nice little
boxes. You have an opinion of your own, and aren't afraid to share
it ( although you should be if you work in management, government,
health and safety, or are religious). You can accept I can like you
and yet not need to spend every second with you, without getting
all paranoid. You know the difference between accept/except,
we're/were, they're/their/there (non-negotiable). Oh, and you
probably have to be patient too.
More importantly, don't message me if;
You've used the word 'eclectic' in your 'favourites' lists. Oh god,
the pain of seeing that on profile after profile...
You think it's EVER appropriate to use the word 'diva'.
You don't understand the difference between pessimism, cynicism and
Who are you looking for?
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