Find better matches with our advanced
matching system

—% Match
—% Enemy

jimpanzee

34 Reading, UK Man

Man

I’m looking for

  • Everyone
  • Ages 21–44
  • Near me
  • For new friends

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 2:32am
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
6′ 0″ (1.83m)
Body Type
A little extra
Diet
Smokes
No
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Never
Religion
Atheism, and very serious about it
Sign
Virgo, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Graduated from university
Job
Science / Engineering
Income
Relationship Status
Seeing Someone
Relationship Type
Offspring
Pets
Likes dogs and likes cats
Speaks
English (Fluently), French (Poorly), Spanish (Poorly), Latin (Poorly)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
So apparently the picture of a door I had as my profile picture was deemed 'inappropriate' enough by one user to flag it for removal and put a serious dent in my ability to find people I like and then avoid contact with through a paralysing fear of rejection. I was actually doing you a favour, but if you really must have a photo here's one that;
1) is of me, and is of my face or body
2) is not copywritten material
3) is not of an animal or child
4) is not pornographic (unless your eyesight/imagination is terrible/incredible)

I want a girl with
A mind like a diamond
I want a girl who
Knows what's best
I want a girl with
Shoes that cut
And eyes that burn
Like cigarettes
I want a girl with
The right allocations
Who's fast and thorough
And sharp as a tack
She's playing
With her jewellery
She's putting up her hair
She's touring the facilities
And picking up slack

I want a girl with a short skirt
And a lonnnnng jacket.

Failing that, if you have either red hair/interesting accent*/freckles or any combination of the above, congratulations, apparently I'm biologically programmed to love you even if you don't fit the skirt/jacket size ratio criteria.

*interesting, not fucking annoying...sorry Liverpool.

I'm a bit of a contradiction. I like having a good time with people but like my own company. I'm full of good ideas but too conservative to go by my own advice. I'm male but I hate football (but I support Shrewsbury out of massively misplaced hometown pride). I get on with lots of different types of people but not more than 4 at a time (situation specific, if it IS some kind of syndrome it's a bloody specific one) and i dont like crowds. I think a lot about the right thing to say/ do and then blurt out the opposite. I am a grammar Nazi but am dyslexic. I would say I'm easy going but that would be a lie - I'm probably seething about something at any given time, but I'm good at keeping it hidden until I get over it or until I get to the fast food restaurant and have to shoot a hole in the ceiling so I get what I want ( if you haven't seen that film you should, even if it only makes you thankful I can't get my hands on a rpg over here)

I'm probably a pain in the ass to be honest.

Ok so that was fairly tame in that I didn't swear half as much as I probably would have done if I had been saying it out loud. I tend to adapt myself, my mannerisms and my language to suit the company ( hence the 4 person limit - gets a bit tricky above that) so I try to keep the swearing down, but frankly I couldn't give a fuck about it otherwise. Swearing is only swearing if you take it literally, otherwise it's just words. It's not like I'm actually going to fuck that duck, is it? (Net-Cops; I'm not) So get a sense of perspective. Swearing is useful and does make some things literally funny as fuck. It's also very descriptive, in fact I've often been lost for words trying to describe something to my mum without it. 'Very big' just doesn't seem to cut it. Having said that I'm pretty good at gauging the audience and am polite and well mannered when required so I can convince your parents I'm good for you while secretly sullying your mind with my ever expanding repetoire of creative swear words.

I have a severe aversion to the syllable 'op'. Yes. A syllable. I told you I was a pain in the ass. There are a number of words I have problems with but that's a pretty common denominator. So if you ask me to pop something on top of something, one or both of those things will almost certainly end up broken. This same principle applies to a number of words and phrases, especially things that I would refer to as 'twee', text speak, bad grammar, and references to things being greater than 100% when, by definition, they can't be. Oh, and cliches. Are you bubbly? Or are you just overweight? I'm not judging, I could certainly stand to lose a bit myself; but until you are literally effervescent, just say what you mean.

It did say summary didn't it...
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Trying to work out what I want to do. I'm not a career person, and I don't care about money as long as I have enough to get by (in the interview for my current job I managed to ask for less than they could actually pay me -score!) although plans for the next 5 years include more snowboarding trips and Japan, maybe even at the same time should money start growing on trees.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Procrastinating, giving good advice but not taking it. Understatement. Sarcasm. Daydreaming. Forgetting good jokes, or the word I need to finish a sentence sounding intelligent, therefore failing miserably.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I would ask someone but I'm not sure I want to know. The fact that I look much less like Jack Bauer than I want to, but probably much more like TIm Roth than I want to?
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Going to have to come back to this when I'm on the PC because I can't really afford to crush my iPhone in my impotent fists of rage, the inevitable result of trying to type in lots of bands and films which didn't make it onto Steve Jobs' hotlist for the dictionary. Yeah, I'm talking about you, fucking autocorrect bastard. I'm sure if thom yorke had wanted to be referred to as thom title he'd have gone and paid the £50 and be done with it.

Black keys
White stripes
Daft punk
Cake
Nada surf
Queens of the stone age
Credence Clearwater revival
Dire straights
Placebo
Thom title (apparently) and most things radiohead (seriously, why the fuck am I having to correct that from radioheaf? What the fuck is a radioheaf?)

Loads of stuff. I don't have a type really, and am willing to give anything a chance. Some might say that's eclectic, but that's just your way of trying to make yourself sound like a special little snowflake with extraordinary tastes. I have no taste and I don't care. I like what I like, and if i like something you think is shit, then surely I win by virtue of having more stuff I can listen to.

On the otherhand, freestyle jazz. Whataloadofshit. And no, daddyo, it's not cos I don't 'get' it. It's because it's a fucking mess and it hurts my mind.

Samuel L Jackson films (yes, all of them, don't be hatin')

Some foods.

Some games.

Some books. Quite a lot of books actually. Read the music section above if you're Interested, just replace 'music' with 'books' and 'freestyle jazz' with 'celebrity autobiographies'.

You get the idea, all the good stuff and certainly nothing that I should be ashamed of... Right?
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Internet, diet coke, music, an alternative option to public transport, science. Not sure about the sixth. Probably the ability to rant, like about how people put things like 'air, water, food' in this box like they're exploring the furthest reaches of mirth like a cultural Columbus. And before you say 'well, you should put air cos you use up enough with all your ranting', I should remind you we're on the Internet, bitches, covered under point 1!

'oh dude, you're so under the thumb of The Man; you were asked for 6 and you just like, totally bent over and let him shaft you like his bitch'. I put 6 because I can read and understand the question. Putting 7 does not make you James Dean.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
What I'm doing compared to what I should be doing, and how long I can get away with it. I'm very easily distracted, to the point where I can finish one sentence talking about something completely different to what I was on about when I started. Just held it together there though.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Not in a club. Happy to be wherever as long as I can actually hear the people I'm with.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I used to do ballet. At the convent I was at. It would probably be amusing if it wasn't so heartbreakingly true.

For someone that's pretty shy, I'm surprisingly willing to admit to embarrassing things in person. I suppose I must have few scruples and even less dignity.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You can deal with someone who doesn't fit into your nice little boxes. You have an opinion of your own, and aren't afraid to share it ( although you should be if you work in management, government, health and safety, or are religious). You can accept I can like you and yet not need to spend every second with you, without getting all paranoid. You know the difference between accept/except, we're/were, they're/their/there (non-negotiable). Oh, and you probably have to be patient too.

More importantly, don't message me if;

You've used the word 'eclectic' in your 'favourites' lists. Oh god, the pain of seeing that on profile after profile...

You think it's EVER appropriate to use the word 'diva'.

You don't understand the difference between pessimism, cynicism and frigging realism.

Add a photo to:

Stay fresh with Instagram

Are you sure you want to delete this album?

Where's your photo?

Drop it like it’s hot

Photos must be at least 400 x 400px
Edit thumbnail
Add a caption

You look fantastic!