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34 M Brighton, United Kingdom

My Details

Last Online
Today – 5:16am
6′ 0″ (1.83m)
Body Type
Art / Music / Writing
Relationship Status
Relationship Type

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My self-summary
I've taken some time assembling the worst profile ever. I think I've covered most of the criteria but let me know if I missed anything.

I like books and films that aren't listed by hipsters on dating sites, comics that aren't ironic takes on the superhero genre or tragic memoirs set in fashionably beleaguered places, games and animals. I like animals better than anything but still need anything so I don't get bored of animals. I like imaginative books; nothing that gets the Guardian review section's sombre approval.

I am the little prince. In case anyone asks.

Here's some spliced tape recordings concerning myself: I'm a writer. I would say that it makes me wince saying this, but for the feeling I'm entering a wince feedback loop. I did write for a games company so I'm allowed. I quit to become a novelist. I needed to. I spend a lot of loose thought on aesthetics/philosophy/metaphysics/pokemon/imaginary cats and what they might be doing. I'm scared I sound academic with all this talk of pokemon. I'm not; I hate academia - it tastes like cardboard. I play piano and guitar and like writing music, but long ago grew disenchanted with music culture and the attendant affectation. I like messing about with weird ipad instruments. I like the texture of sound and the voices of materials. I'm an aesthete. I grew up spending every free minute between school and sleep drawing.

Just.. ridiculously iconoclastic. Honestly, I don't even like the things I like. It's exhausting. Jesus. Making stuff up is cool tho-EUGH NO IT ISN'T.

You're probably feeling pretty dazzled right now. At first this might seem like nausea. Don't be fooled. I'd take a moment, perhaps get a drink, look at it, realise you don't want it, let your thoughts slide from the contents to the glass...

I get on with warm, caring, intelligent, rational, sensitive idiots. Love theses: shyness hiding adventurousness; intelligence and ingenuousness; depth and silliness.

I love playing sport but am made of anti-lad particles. Sitting in coffee shops with rain drumming at the windows. Zen/Taoism/Quantum Physics. No crystals, homeopathy, or ethnic wall-rugs nor neuroscience/huffingtonpost articles as the new-world-religion. I can't bear self-appointed-gurus. I live near Brighton - that's the norm. You can pay to get a photo of your aura in the local native american accoutrements shop. It's well good.

My humour is sent up to space in little packets for the nourishment and maintenance of our brave boys and girls sanity, because there's sure-as-shit none of it down here.

What else? This is negative as I dislike this site and want to leave. I'm a little bit sorry for that. I probably seem crabbbby. I'm not - I'm so happy when talking about books or comics, or games or writing or walking on the beach or playing with animals - it is unfortunately being on places like this that bring out the misanthrope.

Umm, I should probably mention.. I definitely don't want to meet anyone into drugs - just because I'd welcome the unusual experience of meeting someone with similar sensitivities.

And I really have to mention, because okc is okc: I'm not at all interested in politics. I don't like to wave around my liberal flag; it's all a bit obvious and boring. And highly dubious. So, for the reason above, I keep away from people with gender/race/sexuality obsessions/problems. I want to make cool things not destroy crap ones.

Just to explain why I've mentioned this.. about half the profiles on here start ranting and raving about 'white cisgender men'. Or think that certain haircuts are more seditious than others.

I exercise my right not to vote. Sometimes, I get anxious.

Bored of this bit now...
What I’m doing with my life
Trying to learn French. Writing and editing a novel, sending out another, writing a comedy show, writing short stories, coming up with ideas for stories, planning future novels.

Writing things.

old: I've been writing this novel for the past few years and should be somewhere near finished around the middle/end/god-knows of 2013, at which point I intend to:

- emerge;

- make sounds;

- try to draw; paint;

- run;

- record some music again;

- write another.

I finished writing the novel I was writing and started another one, something better, like a ghost-ocean born of the wreckage of a ship.
I’m really good at
Things of no practical value; animating pebbles.. that type of thing. Also, sadly: reason. Nothing in between.

Unappreciated restraint.

Guessing the year a film was made through NO MORE than the quality of its footage.
The first things people usually notice about me
Absence. Sudden.

Actually, now I think of it, people do often mention my eyes. Which are coincidentally the first part of me to notice them.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books like Anna Karenina, A Scanner Darkly, Dune, The Little Prince...

Bande desinee and manga... Tintin, Moebius, Enki Bilal, Akira, Osamu Tezuka, Tekkon Kinkreet

Games like Deus Ex, The Longest Journey, Shadow of the Colossus, Monkey Island, Morrowind...

Predictably: arty cinema and non-english speaking films. Otherwise, lots of things; On the Waterfront, 2001, Brazil, Secretary, A Touch of Evil, The Odd Couple, Duck Soup, Dog Day Afternoon, Star Wars, Kiki's Delivery Service, Jean de Florette, The Trial, Naked Lunch, Oh, how could I forget!!!... THE STING! Because once upon a time, america made good films. I could watch Total Recall, the original, at any given moment as I am an idiot.

I don't really watch much television on account of it being so unbearably awful. I do love The Prisoner though (the original), Karl Pilkington, Curb Your Enthusiasm... I just remembered: I like detective shows like Poirot/Jeremy Brett's Sherlock Holmes

Don't listen to much music anymore, but... motown, classical (I'm trying!), jazz, weird ethnic instrument sounds, experimental pop, electronic textures. I don't know. I was in a band/songwriting for a long time. I won't be interested in bands people show me - nothing depresses me like a big list of bands. I might like some interesting music. Enjoyed a couple of Conan Moccasin (?), P J Harvey songs... I'm powerfully not into music culture- I find it mind-numbingly tedious and repetitive and oppressive in its ubiquity. I like making music.
The six things I could never do without
Self effacement
Pleasing forms
A book/comic/game
I spend a lot of time thinking about
stories, touch, metaphysical ideas (I know, but it's true), what I perceive as my flaws - which is probably my main flaw.

Ummm... not to overstate it but since being on here: how often people mistake being a colossal bore for being unusual and counter-cultural and the amazing sense of entitlement among people with an axe to grind regarding gender/race/sexuality. Really.. that's where your soul finds expression?
On a typical Friday night I am
very pleased that I'm not in a club.

Writing, reading, watching a film, playing a game, trying to make some music.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
21st Century Anathema:

I don't care about tattoos/piercings.
I don't care about moustaches/beards.
I don't care about zombies.
I can often get through a sentence without mentioning vladimir nabokov.
I think The Wire was retarded.
I HATE TED talks.
Tarantino, Nick Cave, Bill Hicks... make me FULL-BODY-CRINGE.
I think the word 'vintage' is the starbucks of modern parlance.
I like sport AND art. In fact, don't tell the h**ster thought police.. but I think.. they might be.. the same thing..
I think most people who go on and on about perceived oppression probably need it a little bit.
I don't want to go to New York.
I have no interest in bands.
I don't respect the social sciences because they use revisionist history and suspiciously selective semantics to demonise and scapegoat certain demographics. It's saleable at the moment.

I realise this makes me some sort of inhuman beast that should be burned immediately.

I do know I sound MENTAL. These things are normally thoughts, evanescing at the rate natural to them, but a computer screen is a fixed amplitude. That I mention them I suppose, shows how little interest I have in meeting people, as something in and of itself, rather than meeting really nice people. I'm of the very few but extremely close friends variety and so hope to gather a small quantity of beautiful fruit, rather than an abundance of dry leaves (as my cat used to deliver proudly to the door) and twigs, over the course of my life.

I really am busy in other worlds.
I’m looking for
  • Everybody
  • Ages 18–100
  • Located anywhere
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
you wish to donate.

I'm not an active seeker here anymore.

This section gets a bit heavy, but is the truth. I think that it matters.

***********THIS IS IMPORTANT, I S'POSE/Here's the problem. I'm explaining this because women on here get a lot of exposure to simian men and so don't have any conception of what non-simian men have to put up with. I know I should be talking to people I like rather than warding off those I don't, and so risking including in the latter the former, but because I have genuinely liberal views, most of my 'matches' end up falling into this category of hateful, not-very-bright, over-zealous feminist, race and gender theory students etc. I'm a sensitive and open person. It was really really hurtful, getting that kind of racist/sexist attitude (there are countless examples from my experience here alone; by way of example: I once had a date with -well-heeled, university educated- someone who told me, when all she knew about me was that I'm a white bloke, nothing of my upbringing or personal circumstances, I 'had to acknowledge my privilege' and laughed at the times in my life where I have been the victim of prejudice, stopped from career progression etc while spending the whole time whining about how once in 30 years her brother got stopped by the police... and not seeing the irony as she reclined on a leather sofa, being served by some pasty bloke, of judging by my race and gender that because of my race and gender I have the advantage of not being judged by my race or gender...) when I originally came on here a few years ago just wanting to meet someone nice and with a certain naivete, but is now such a negative thing, and so exasperating for me to have to ignore the wealth of it, that it pulls me away from doing things I actually care about and which are positive, like writing, so much so that I'd rather run the mentioned risk and not look here anymore. Equality (by opportunity rather than result) is so obvious, to me and to anyone I'm friends with, and therefore so tedious a subject that politics is not something I find interesting. Unfortunately, my page may make it seem the opposite. But in the absence of any faith in the existence of sanity or genuine kindness or honesty, or any quality I respect and love on here, I'm happy instead to leave as a tombstone, plummeting from the unslanted heavens into this dry sod, this, knowing that as is always the case, truth will be felt as the keener edge, for a person's separation from it.---------------------------------------------------------------

You're really lovely and sweet. This is everything to me. I doubt that anyone will get to here but if you do, and I'm not just speaking to myself, or I am but that somehow includes you, you are seeing through all the overgrowth that protects me from the harshness and the bad things on this site. I just want someone lovely and sweet. That's all. I'll now revert...

You're not a hipster. I wish you no harm.. just.. please..

So... here it is:

I can't abide non-thinking, fact-averse, badge wearing, fascistic pseudo-liberals, who like easy, self-affirming, self-image polishing opinions on everything, and extol artistic but fear scientific freedom. Everyone knows Hitler was bad already (it's shame he's found a new medium) and it's ok to be bad at maths. I don't think we need to execute and try for heresy those who aren't. Therefore I can't abide okcupid. :)

You get, or better, could not give a toss, that I'm not a feminist (in the uk) because I believe in equal rights and am an egalitarian who can't believe people even have to self-profess and discuss these things. I dislike these segregated movements which are about equality for only one sector of society and so perpetuate, being corrupt and egoic, the drawing of divisions in the wrong places. It genuinely hurts people very badly and means that if you fall into an unfashionable demographic, you have absolutely nowhere to turn when you're in trouble, because the places that are supposed to be there for victims are the perpetrators. That's why I feel so strongly about it. You don't need a core text to know when you're doing something wrong. This is why a person who bases their profile on a dating page, looking for men, on generalisations about men.. well, it's a flag.

I don't care how it comes across as I don't use this site really. I don't think about these things in reality - they're boring. I'm writing stories. If someone gets where I'm coming from though, feels 'oh my god, yes' then we'll know we are meant to be friends. That's why I've left this in state.

You don't think having bi/homo/heterosexual as the 'only' sexuality options on a free dating site is a fascist constraint akin in severity to the predations faced by the jewish race during the holocaust.

You don't need to deny the existence of biological gender in order to impose other equally but no more valid definitions of gender on a universe, which is, on its own, infinitely more beautiful than any construct of man or woman.

You don't have in this section on your page: do not message me if you hate women/believe black people should be subjugated... etc. Why not add the instruction not to message if you regularly go out beheading people and setting fire to the elderly? Just to be sure. MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, YOU SHOULD GO IN WITH THAT ASSUMPTION. IF IT TURNS OUT THAT YOU GET A LOT OF MESSAGES FROM A MAJORITY OF NEO-NAZI SYMPATHISING DOMESTIC VIOLENCE LOVING COTTON PLANTATION OWNERS... I WOULD SAY THEN IS THE TIME TO PUT IT UP.

:/ or :)

I dunno. You like games, books, comics.. YOU LIKE TINTIN and want to talk about them/him.

You don't have it in for vegetarians or begin most anecdotes with how drunk you were...

*I can't believe I have to mention.. but you have never said 'you can't be racist against white people' and don't use ill-considered zeitgeisty generalisations like privilege and patriarchy that could only exist in a world of such luxury that people feel entitled having everyone conform to a worldview that elevates themselves, and are outraged and offended when mean old facts raise their head. Listening to social sciences students or just being around people who talk about these things without thinking and genuinely have no conception of what's oppressive and damaging about political correctness is like attending a very spoilt child's birthday party. It is a plague on here. I'm quite open really and I like being open in life, but it does me a lot of harm meeting corrosive people. Ego-politics/misandry/heterophobia/double-standards are not very nice to have to deal with. It would be interesting if people could only defend those of a different colour, gender or sexuality to themselves.*

I'm sorry to the nice, cool people for whom this is obvious and most essentially: goes without saying - I don't meet you Ever enough.

I did end my profile with the word 'spaghetti' - I just deleted it. That's how serious the situation is.