Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I'm a dynamic figure often seen in the same daily outfit from week
to week, guzzling cups of coffee. I have been known to remodel
entire fulfillment centers on my lunch breaks, making them more
efficient in the area of product distribution. I translate large
amount of business rules into programming code, just to find out
the application already exists. In the evenings, I write classical
piano music; inspired by dreams, lost love, and old episodes of
Occasionally, as a child, I sold: wax candles shaped like fruit,
calendars, and assorted bulk candies out of Tupperware containers
walking door-to-door all over St.Charles County. I can pilot
bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed as most of my
ex-girlfriends will begrudgingly admit. I am an expert in Ramon
noodle cuisine, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Illinois
depending on your definition.
Using only the space in my bedroom and my wit, I once convinced my
parents to take FEMA money and house a displaced family in it
during the devastating flood of 1993. This decision both increased
our family's revenue and saved another family from extreme
hardship. I only mention it, because soon after, the entire
neighborhood replicated the idea and the one lady married the
neighbor, so I'm responsible for their children's lives. I should
also mention, that I always let people merge onto the
I was, for a short time, a sponsored skateboarder. When I'm bored,
I redesign car interiors, and install home and car stereo systems.
On a random day one summer, I looked out the window and watched a
tree fall on my car for no reason. On Wednesdays, after work, I go
to the local university and tutor underprivileged youth. I am an
abstract artist and a concrete analyst. This December, I'll be
finishing my fourth degree. I consistently find myself trying to
find ways to call people by their first name in public service-
it's just the right thing to do, and I think it makes them feel
I have been caller number nine, and I have called into late night
conspiracy talk radio shows and actually solved the conspiracy.
Last summer I met a guy who looks exactly like me. Turns out, he is
an adopted biological brother my mother never told me about. When I
was a teenager, I would collect people's lighters and catalog them
with the name and date of the person. I'm writing a book about the
methods by which I'm returning them, and how the people have
changed; now twenty years later.
My uncle who is a hunter invited me up to the shooting range a
couple years ago. I out-shot him and all his buddies. Having never
before fired a shot, they never invited me back. Speaking of
weapons, another time, I successfully negotiated my life from a man
who was holding me hostage with a knife to my neck. I have been
held hostage twice, a second time by a man in a classroom with a
gun. I won both times; although regarding the second time, I had to
later paid his library fine based on a book he lent me previous to
the hostage situation. I feel like it's my responsibility to keep
All of my bills are paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I take
accredited university courses. One summer, after awaking from
meditation, I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it
down, because I was distracted by the cuteness of a kitten. All I
remember is the word "When," which leads me to believe the meaning
of everyone's life is a nebulous idea or event in their future. I
have made extraordinary four course meals using only venison, Ramon
noodles, sweet tea, and ginger.
I've run political campaigns, I've driven ambulances to
emergencies, I've performed CPR, I've disassembled pinball
machines, I've taught high school foreign language classes, I've
played the leading roles in musicals, I've won middle school level
spelling bees, and I've designed corporate information factories.
I'm currently awaiting a decision on being academically published
in the area of data architecture. I can freehand draw a nearly
perfect replica of a Mercator map of the world.
All of my possessions can fit into the back seat of a late-model