These are probably the most accurate summaries of myself, given in Friendster testimonial-like form by a couple of friends (I've deleted my name):
*Me and _____ used to be in a musical group called BTMD - Bao and ____ Making Dollars. This was prior to the extraterrestrial invasion and subsequent colonialization of Los Angeles, wherein both of us were forced to retire from the entertainment business and stand on corners handing out propaganda for our new alien overlords. _____ always did hand out flyers with panache though - nothing could dampen this spirit!
*When I first met ____, he was living in a hollowed-out refrigerator. We all thought he was homeless, but it was actually a performance art piece in which ____ disproved the claims put forth by special sitcom epsiodes of the 1980s. This was a specific rebuttal of the Punky Brewster episode where Cheri got locked inside an old discarded icebox and almost died.
This backfired when ____ almost died.