My old summary of my old summary was too long, as it turns out, to be considered a summary.
Those responsible for the old summary have been sacked.
Basically, I'm pretty awesome. I use my superior wit and sense of humor to cover for all other deficiencies I may have and my spirit animal is an American Gladiator. I've got an awesome dog, an awesome sense of humor, an awesome grasp of a broad variety of interests, a group of awesome friends that I'm looking to expand via this site, and I keep myself in good shape considering how in love with cooking and good food I am (a lot) and how much I hate cardio (a lotter), and I genuinely enjoy the company of others.
I'm a world record holder in jumping to the wrong conclusion from a standing start.
I talk a lot when given the chance and say stupid things, but sometimes I don't.
Also, I pissed away a lot of good years drinking, so I gave it up. I love to go to bars and stuff and I'm totally comfortable around alcohol and being the DD, but I've been sober for awhile. If that's a deal breaker for whatever reason, there ya go.

Working as a pharmacy tech until I get my EMT-B, then working toward paramedic and on down the line, hopefully ending in a fire department or RN. I'm also doing menial jobs for extra cash in my spare time, teaching myself Spanish, and working toward getting some IT certifications. Because why not, that's why. Free time is overrated.
Surprisingly, I also play too many video games, but mostly I sacrifice sleep for those.

I've developed a quick wit and wry sense of humor as a response to growing up extra awkward and plump. They've served me in good stead all of these years, and are quite nice to have around now that I'm borderline obsessed with fitness and keeping myself in shape.
In a similar vein, I like lifting heavy things. After I'm done lifting them, I generally put them down. Oftentimes I will repeat this many times in a row. I like to eat big and lift big and gain great satisfaction therein.
I'm very good at cooking a limited number of dishes. One might call these dishes very "bachelor" in nature, but that'd be a great oversimplification. "Caveman" would be far more apt as my canvas for culinary arts general involves open flames and large pieces of meat.
I read a lot and know a lot of fun (albeit useless) stuff.

Formerly my beard, but that is now a relic of a more whimsical era of my life, ended by accepting employment with a company that is weirdly obsessed with the 1950's. You know who wears a bowtie and apron nowadays? The Swedish Chef. And he probably gets paid better.

Or maybe my rippling abs.
If you poke them hard enough, they ripple!

Books: Everything by Kurt Vonnegut, but especially Cat's Cradle. All time favorites include: Hitchhiker's Trilogy, Lathe of Heaven, more or less the entirety of Terry Pratchett's works, Hey Nostradamus, Into Thin Air, A Scanner Darkly, David Sedaris, etc

Movies: #1a is The Manchurian Candidate (the original), #1b is Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Also I enjoy the non-director's cut version of Donnie Darko, pretty much any documentary, Hedwig and the Angry Inch, any Monty Python, those sorts of things.

TV: Parks and Rec, Justified, Archer, Venture Brothers, American Dad

Music: Lana del Ray kick lately, Lindsey Stirling, Dire Staits, Buckethead, horrible club pop music and heavy metal for the gym, Bright Eyes/Connor Oberst in general, singer-songwriter stuff, Josh Ritter especially.

Food: Everything but the crime that is giant mushroom caps in a hamburger bun. There's a special place in my heart for sushi, kimchi, big hunks of meat, turkey legs wrapped in bacon, tempeh, homemade hummus, homemade yeast breads, Thai and Mexican, and pretty much anything spicy. In fact, the spicier the better.

My dog.
Family.
Tiramisu.
Lifting weights. Or as I like to call it, 'intensive ferric psychotherapy.'
My brain extensions (smartphone/laptop)
Tea (Jade Oolong especially)
Just going to go ahead and list tiramisu again because it's just great.

This list is subject to change upon the event of future vexation.

Deep seated anxieties about my future, but no more than normal thankfully. What things are going to look like in 8 months when I graduate and where I'd like to move. Or if I even want to take flight.

How I'm going to get the dog to let me trim his nails without going totally berserker. Did I remember to take my vitamins today. Will it kill me if I take a possible double dose just to be sure. Can I ask my pharmacist boss this without them thinking I'm crazy.

How nice it'd be to have extra free time to work out with the regularity that I used to.

Started a winter DnD group that's going to start meeting up on Fridays, so there's that. I'm also fond of movies and sitting in with some cheesy sci-fi short story anthology. Meetups as a last resort. In the summer I'm typically at Summer Nights at the IMA.

I typically find a reason to make it out to a restaurant I haven't tried yet. I don't really have a refined palate (I recognize four food groups - spicy, salty, sour, and boring), but I love trying new places out with friends.

One of the driving passions in my life is to find the most depressing song ever written and performed. Not in an emo kind of way or anything, it just fascinates me.
Bonus points go to any song that sounds peppy but is actually about soul-crushingly depressing things.

You're looking for friends or something more down the road, you're upbeat or even just not senselessly negative all the time, if you enjoy beards and good conversation, if you're a baseball or football fan, if you think tacos are appropriate any time of day, or if you just want to chat. I'm a pretty amicable dude and would love to hear/hear back from you.