I'm moving forward yet have no real momentum
Standing still as it all slides from within my grasp
A blur before my eyes
Just as I start to make sense of it the world slips and falls
Tumbling spilling me shifting its axis.
I stumble fall to my knees helpless and alone.
Emptiness inside me a brittle shell of make believe
Hollow bones and cold clammy skin
Despair deeply gaze at the stars flash a smile as I'm taken away
I touch and am deceived I can't keep this up I falter I lose my grip
Why do I have to punish myself over and over again?
Self critical malignancy choking me killing me
Maybe it's mercifully murdering me slowly lulling me.
Ending misery.

This has to be one of the most iditotic things I have ever participated in. Remember there are exceptions to every rule.
This test is for women. I am a woman yet i don't always prefer a penis at all... rather the complete opposite and if i did feel like cock then the size would maybe be pretty important but there are other things that count when it comes to sex..











You scored 60% Girth Pref, 73% Length Pref, 77% Overall Pref, and 89% Anti A!
Basicly the higher your score the bigger you prefer.

If you score higher on Girth then Length then you prefer bigger Girth to bigger length, and vice versa if you score higher on Length then on Girth.

If you get 80 + in overall then small guys should stay away from you. Also if you get both high score in girth and length then expect a high overall score. This is first time I tried this test, hopfully it works well.






My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 82% on Girth Pref




You scored higher than 90% on Length Pref




You scored higher than 94% on Overall Pref




You scored higher than 93% on Anti A

Link: The Prefered Penis (for women) Test written by howiex on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Nick Cave
You soul is 66 % dominated by anguish!You are former Birthday Party and Bad Seeds front-man and anguish-ridden goth Nick Cave. You are in acute physical and emotional pain every moment of your life. Maybe that's what drives you to read the Bible but I think that just messes with your head more. In terms of anguish, you rival Leonard Cohen himself as the Prince of Dakness. You're very clever to boot, but you got some baaad habits! All that shit, you'll be lucky to survive the 80s! Unfortunately for you, you will. Amazingly, you're popular with the opposite sex.






My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 95% on anguish

Link: The 80s Goth Rock Star Test written by the_great_qnto on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test


This pleasantly surprised me and gave me a a strange odd tingly warm rush all over. Nick cave is one of my major inspirations. His music. His art. His words.An intriguing inspiring beautiful man.
Words can never aptly describe what he means for me.

Your Superhero Profile



Your Superhero Name is The Scarlet Defender

Your Superpower is Vampirism

Your Weakness is Confined spaces

Your Weapon is Your Mystic Hammer

Your Mode of Transportation is Rainbow

What's your Superhero Name?

That's the thing about life isn't it..I think people get too caught up in collecting possessions and focusing on money for the future or training themselves for the future. They put things off and don't enjoy the things that are most important in life and thats People. People are the most important things in life if you lost everything in a fire or other devastation you wouldn't be as sad as if you had lost someone you loved or was special to you. There is a lack of perspective. It is sad. We should all be able to be open and live our chosen lifestyles out in the open for all to see and not be afriad of reprimand or consequence.
Those same people though the important ones can be the same people who are unaccepting, inhibited and shaming.
Again this is where people lose perspective. Is it right to cut someone off or to put them down and shame them because they do so something you don't like? You only live this one life no matter what you believe in this life is the only one in this body in this time in this situation. You have to make the most of it because who knows what will happen you may not be here tomorrow or that person who you loved yet pushed away could die without you ever telling them you loved them again.
It is not good enough. I'm not saying or condoning people acting in rash self damaging or harmful behaviour but just let those you love be themselves and live their lives in ways that make them fulfilled and happy people.
I have lived a hard life by some peoples standards. My parents split up when i was 13 one night my mum packed us up and we left in the night and went to another state. I didn't want to leave as i already had a confused relationship with my mother and spent most of my time working with my beloved dad :)
I did not fare well in the new city in a new state. I was fighting with my mother. I started struggling in school despite my being advanced 2 years. I started drugs. I was kicked out of home I lived on the streets and just when i started getting my life back together. i was in a great long term relationship, I had a great full time job that i got despite my lack of education earning brilliant money and was getting my confidence in myself back again. I injured my back quite severly and now i'm 24 living with my mother who supports me.. which i both respect and resent due to our past relationship. I live on pain killers. I have found out i have a men illness which causes me to some time become suicidal. There is a LOT more to my story than that but thats a nutshell version.
I am the black sheep within my family and they don't know anything abotu my interests in bdsm the lifestyle or anything liek that..
So i always feel like an outsider a bit neglected and unloved..I too am a solitary person mainly because all my relationships have hurt me and taught me not to trust not just my relationships my whole life. Just when i think all is well something comes to shake it all up again. and I think it is this fact that has made me the very accepting non-judgemental person I am now. I will never make another person feel the way i have been made to feel ..

Muy impressive.. eeh. *cringes in the spotlight* Well I really have no idea as to what i should say in this journal.. I'm not good with journals. My motivation and dedication to them is always great and very enthuiastic for like the first 5 minutes then i'm sporadic to say the least.
Could you tell I actually write semi-seriously? NO *lol*you couldn't. I abhorre punctuation and grammar unless it is in a serious context. I'm too free spirited to always colour inside the lines and abide by the set rules of correct writing. meh to that I say,. (see comma full stop) Take that you gramma nazi's Muahaha. O.K well now that we have that out of the way I like pirates. I really do I plan to be one when i grown up.. Hopefully i'm deemed to be grown up enough before i die. Coz if i were to die and had not become a pirate yet I would be seriously pissed in the afterlife. Yes i believe in an afterlife.. I really don't think anyone will read this but what the heck. i am bored and I am enjoying the senstation of the keys beneath my fingers so i'll just keep on tapping away for a bit. I should maybe put in here that I am actually bi-polar. it is not something I advertise. I usually tell noone at all. I guess I am just feelin liberated and my brain is on auto pilot just whatever comes out .. Well it is what it is. I am always honest. If someone asked me directly if i had a mentallness i would not lie about it but i see no need to volunteer the information .. I mean i'm the same person So why take the chance of changing people attitudes towards me? I'd rather not bother I mean if you are my friend for long enough you will find out regardless. Being honest goes to all things tho. If i am asked something I will not lie about it. I would sometimes choose to withhold opinion or information if i knew it would be detrimental to someones state of wellbeing but it would have to be pretty heavy stuff. eeh well for not knowing what to say in here i have managed to say quite a lot.. *lol* i'll leave it here.. adieu xox