I'm a boy.
I live in a village you've probably never heard of.
More information is detailed within.

I work in television, I'm currently working on a show called 24 Hours in A&E, which is nice. I once worked on a TV pilot set in a gay sauna in Newcastle. It didn't get picked up. My career has allowed me to work with such TV behemoths as the guy that used to be in the Post Office adverts, that woman off Downton Abbey, and those Geordies from that telly show.

I have a really good story about a bottle of Fanta and a minibus, it's received worldwide critical acclaim.

If you film me from strange angles you can actually make me look very sinister, but I'm not really.

I have a purple car.

Forgetting important things.

I walk really fast. I run at average speed.

Films that no-one watches because they're in another language. You bunch of racists.
Dolls, City of God, Festen

TV shows that end up being cancelled.
Twin Peaks, Firefly, Arrested Development

Music comes best fast, heavy and with 3 chords.
The Swellers, Bad Religion, The King Blues

I like books that confuse some people.
Nikolai Gogol, Milan Kundera, Philip K. Dick

I don't like mushrooms.
No fucking mushrooms

No night should be typical, if it is you're doing it wrong!

I can't pronounce the word 'origins', I say it like 'oringins'

You made it this far