Hello. I'm Kenny. I am intelligent, sweet, generous, charming, caring, witty, devastatingly handsome and great in bed. I also lie when asked to describe myself.

I love pro wrestling in a way you may never understand. I know that may have just put you right off me, but that's because you're too shallow to appreciate the most complex and wonderful artform in the world. I'll explain it all to you in great detail if you have a couple of years to spare. I've also got back into MMA over the last couple of years after a long time of paying it no mind whatsoever. GSP, Anderson Silva, Nick and Nate Diaz are amongst the best things in the world.

I also love late night radio phone-ins and the rantings of reactionary insomniacs. There really is nothing more entertaining in life than listening to an old man who hasn't talked to a real person for twenty years shouting about immigrants and the youth of today and the new owners of the football club he's supported man and boy for fifty years on Talksport or Five LIVE~! at 3am.

I am forwards, not backwards, and always twirling

Begging for spare change. Dancing. Trying to get to more gigs. Trying to listen to more new bands. Trying to play more guitar. Being pretty trying, generally.

Knowing what is best for you. Seriously, I'm always right. It's just a shame I never know what's best for me. I can dance and sing a bit. I give great massages. Children love me, perhaps because they sense someone on their mental level. I used to be a pretty good commentator - I did some work for the awesome L!VE TV a few years back. We were on between the trampolining midget weatherman and Topless Darts. Sometimes the trampolining midget was replaced by the Cello News Network. I think that whole station was on some seriously good acid.

When I asked a friend about this, she said it's my smile and how outgoing and friendly I am. Weird - I always thought I was a miserable misanthrope. Funny old world.

Books: Anything and everything by Douglas Adams; Lanark by Alasdair Gray; Moby Dick by Herman Melville; Catch-22 by Joseph Heller; dystopian stuff (1984, We, Brave New World etc.); short stories by almost anyone. Actually, I don't read much fiction these days. Politics, economics, wrestling and Charlie Brooker are much more fun.

Music: Throwing Muses/50 Foot Wave/Kristin Hersh, Belly/Tanya Donnelly, Bob Dylan, Alasdair Roberts/Appendix Out, The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, The Cure, Buffalo Tom, The Pixies, Teenage Fanclub, Dinosaur Jr., Breeders, Muse, Eminem, Eagles Of Death Metal, Jim Jones Revue, Stanley Odd, Hector Bizerk, Street Sweeper Social Club and many more.

Movies: Lord Of The Rings, Dazed And Confused (in fact, pretty much Richard Linklater's entire oeuvre rocks), Empire Records, Pleasantville, Sliding Doors (don't ask), Beyond The Mat (I'm in it!), Funny Bones, Any Given Sunday, and above all, The Muppet Movie. It's a work of post-modern comic genius. No, seriously.

Food: How does food fit in with the above? I like food. Lots of it. Italian, Chinese, Japanese, Mexican...it's all good. And good desserts of all kinds.

I'd probably struggle to enjoy life quite so much without Jack Daniel's and Diet Coke (I'm diabetic, not dieting), old wrestling tapes, Wikipedia, my nephew and the ability/opportunity to dance.

I now have a niece as well. Can I include her as part of a package with my nephew or do I have to lose something else? Honestly, this is like the most frustrating episode of Overfull Suitcase ever...

Politics - not always the big stuff (though that's always interesting), but about power relationships in life as a whole. That sounds pretty deep, but you do it too - thinking about whose arse you have to kiss to do well in your job; who you can't invite to that party because of who else is going to be there; how cliques form and whose needs they serve and so on.

Ways to adequately synthesise our increasing knowledge of the nature of the universe with a belief in God.

Where I put that thing...you know - the thing, with the bits and the wee doo-dah. You know, the thing!

Drinking and dancing like a fool at Classic Grand or the Cathouse. Most of my social circle won't go anywhere else. Buff afficionados should contact me ASAP so I can have some company as I try to broaden my horizons.

I own every issue ever produced of the She-Ra, Princess of Power comic.

By the way, if you make some faux-coy statement in this box, I probably already hate you. It's a cute question that lets you tell an amusingly intriguing or embarrassing fact, not an insistence that you bare your soul. PLEASE think of SOMETHING to say. I just don't believe anyone can be that boring.

you're hot, intelligent, witty and fun. Or you're very rich and terminally ill. Also, if I've already been in touch with you. That's just polite. I'll reply to you too and then we'll have a whole conversation going on! Yeah!