And... here is another. Basically all this happened and some more in the time of my earlier posts.

 

 

 

Emotions. Feelings. I feel they are some of the most complicated things in life due to the fact that they affect us so deeply on how we act and actually are. They control us most of the time though some have learned to control them (I'm not sure if the ones that claimed that they can control them are actually in control or just neglecting that section of who they are, in which they are not in actual control imo).

The thoughts that I have been pondering recently (well atm/now) is how do you control feelings, should they be controlled or more just understood? Then what do you do after you understand them? How do you conduct yourself?

The thing is, I have no idea to these riddles, or so they seem to be. What I do personally is I try to recognize what I am feeling and once I figure that out, I then proceed to seek out the reason of why I am feeling the way I am. Then depending on what is causing my emotions to be as they are, I then adjust myself accordingly to cause the negatives to go away or try to retain the positive feelings. In regards to the negative ones, I can adjust my life easily in some cases, but what if the stimuli to the "bad" feelings is out of ones or my control? What do you do then?

One could try to just ignore it and continue with their life, you could try to gain access to the control of the stimuli and fix it manually, or one could indulge themselves in positive things that may or may not be good for them to cover up the fact that they feel bad. This last is not something I personally stand for, but it is a type of version, I feel, that is akin to what I first stated in this paragraph. Another thing that I think can be done, is just hiding your emotions away until you are alone and then they will start to seep out from you; again this is like the first mentioned above. This is also something that most people do, I feel, but why?

I think people do the "first" or many different versions of it because they want to get better, they want to rid themselves of the emotions that are pulling them down in life, but they don't know how, or have tried too many different ways, but the feelings remain resident inside themselves. What can you do or say to that person to help them from their obvious or less than obvious misery? Can an individual help someone whose problem resides outside of their personal control? Like, actually help and fix the situation?

I think there are two readily thought of or known outcomes. That another person can "help" the individual, but it will just be a temporary fix. It will make the person feel better momentarily (also recall I am discussing deep emotions, not light hearted superficial things), but then at night, before they sleep or begin to think on their feelings once again, the emotions will come, and blanket them.

With concerns or stimuli that are out of a persons control to fix, that these are or just may be the worse of all. Being helpless in any regard is highly discomforting in most cases. Not many like that feeling, if at all. Another option that can happen, though I highly feel it is less likely, is that another outside source, one that is also out of the individual in questions control, can come in (could be a friend or whom ever), but they may have experience in the area, or may address the issue intimately with the person. These are more rare individuals that will build back what is missing or broken, take away some of the pain or unhappiness. These people are not the typical friend or acquaintance that was mentioned in the previous paragraph. I think there are different versions of this person that was mentioned here, that this person can not be described and is different for each individual as a wife or a husband would be. They are a special match to the individual and to the stimuli that is causing what ever negative emotion that is being addressed.

As I have said, I feel this is rare. It is not common and surely should not be counted on and it would be best to just exclude this as an option or so I feel. So, where does this leave us? Again, we are left with the question of can you actually help the individual? Can anything be done for them or can they really do anything for themselves other than all that they have tried? How do you make this go away? Do they have to keep waiting or searching for the special person to whom that can alleviate their pain?

I have no answers to this. I am unsure myself of what should be said or done. I guess this is how the saying came into being: "Time heals all wounds." Because no one has discovered what to do as of yet. All I can say is that just because nothing has been found out yet, don't stop trying. That is the most important thing, to never give up. Some people do and that's where we need to be, to help them stand again. Are you that kind of friend? Do you have the will to stand if you have fallen and no one is there, ready to help you rise?

I pray for these people and all that may or have experienced this. Again, with a saying, "You are not alone." Take comfort. All bad things must come to an end, you just need to endure the trials until then.

Here is another blog I made a while ago. It's good because people can see who and how I am based off of what upsets me, to an extent. I was amused when I read this. I'm usually a lot less blunt and stuff in person. I must have been unhappy, lol.

 

 

 

Ok, so this is a vent. Stop reading now if you think it is going to be constructive. Just a fair warning. Also this ride is going to be train of thought because I do this when I... well you should know already.

Trust. It is a thing that I feel can't change just due to time. Trust is something that time can not mess with. Living proof of that is Luke and me. I say this because sometimes we only talk on rare occassions (yes, I know I miss-spelled that word, but I dont really care) sometimes or just say hi and then after a whole semester or year of college or YEARS of college, we are still the bestest friends that we were in high school. Yes, we may not be up to date on each others lives, but we still trust each other equally and know that if we are needed the other will be there promptly ASAP.

Also, something that bothers me, is when a friend whom I consider a friend does actually stop talking to me for a while. So, lets use Luke again. Say Luke started to only talk to me when he was upset, hurting physically, asking for info, and then did nothing else. Basically used me for an info source or fall back or what ever you wish to say. That, would bother me, and does bother me. If you're not going to treat me as a friend, then I will not consider you a friend, and will start treating you as a non-friend. Then when you ask what's wrong or why things changed, I will tell you that it was you who did it.

Oh, and along those lines, something else that bothers me is when I try to talk with people that I consider friends, and over and over again, I hardly get results from my attempts and I don't get explanations as to why I get nothing or am getting very crappy replies/results from my attempts. That's a sure way to get me to stop talking to you and thinking about you in general.

Swearing. Depending on who is doing it, I see it as a weakness. I see swearing coming from some people in the light of them trying to act tough when in actuality, their mouth and how they use it, how they hold themselves, is entirely fake. That on the inside they don't know who they are, what they want, and that they just don't know anything. So, don't swear and there is no way that you will be seen as weak in this regard, if you care or not. It's funny because the ones that do swear but aren't weak will laugh at this because they will probably know what I am talking about, and then the others that do swear, but don't know who they are/are weak and all, will do one of two things. 1) They will copy the people that swear, but are weak because they are also fools or 2) They will wonder if I just discribed them. The #2's have more potentional, but the fraction of them that will actually succeed are few. It's life, not many people are strong. Only the strong will survive, and truely thrive. The others will just get by.

Hmm... What else to I want to rant about... stupidity is a valid rant, but overused... People that wont do what they know is good for them... no... again, self explanatory.

Ha, thought of something. I find it amusing, but not really in a positive light of people that leave comments on blogs that are like, oh, i feel for you, if you need someone to talk to, i'm here for you, blah blah blah. Some people it really does work for, depending on the connection between the two people, granted, but it is HIGHLY overused. If your going to leave a comment, leave one that will actually do something for the person other than show there are people out there that read what they wrote and sympathize.... Lovely!

Naruto and Bleach are amazing as a size note, as long as the filler just stops.

People that take the easy road... that is angering sometimes too. Especially the people that take the easy road that relates to the easier decision, the easier emotional road. People that wont face their emotions, when they can... just speaks ill of them. Because they are not treating themselves as they should and plain and simply, speaks weak. Weak has many meanings I think, but generally it all means about the same. You will never know unless you try/do/ask/live, but sometimes you do know and just don't listen to yourself. That's pretty unintelligent too.

Something else that bothers me is when people do this. Lol, haha, lol, haha, haha, after almost every comment! Yes, that was a little much and it doesn't always happen like that, but not everything is funny... Laughing is not a space filler. Oh, and this too... this... this dotting almost everywhere.... especially when a sentence is ended and could just be ended with a period... bothers me.... Dots mean things... Don't take away their meaning....!

Oh, I could probably go on and on. But so could anyone about things that bother them. See, what most people miss, is something very obvious and key about myself. I don't vent/openly show aggression. Ya, go figure, yes, people get that. Duh... BUT what people don't understand is the degree at which stuff means IF I am venting openly. I do this in the hopes people figure some stuff out, but also because I kind of need to do it. The quiet ones, lol... It is a good saying, one that I always "highly" enjoyed. It's always the quiet ones you have to look out for. They are the ones that are most likely to snap. Ya know? That saying. I just love it. I resonate highly with it. Because sometimes, I really think some people just don't realize what thin ice they are tredding on. I get angry sometimes, very angry, and just sit there and say nothing, look nothing out of the ordinary, or, sometimes, when it gets really bad, I smile. My normal smile, one that no one would be able to tell the difference between another other time, unless you knew who and how I was, and knew what bothers me, and knew what is possibly too much, and then, you would know, that the smile you see, is a smile of shear warning, a warning of how unhappy I am, how close I am to probably... probably exploding. And I know I comment about this on occassion, but I really do have a bad temper. I just keep it in check most of the time, but when it goes off. Well. Like anyone, tempers = bad. Ok, so I'll stop because I'm more typing now to relieve tention than to inform. And I don't like people that are full of themselves, so I always try not to be full of myself. So, next.

Water is good.

I like the title. It means something. I also like fire, but everyone knows that.

Set and missed appoints & implied appointments and meetings. If you do these, and do not show/talk/tell what you said you would... I remember and I do mark those factors to your image that I hold of you in my mind. How you act is very important to how I think of you and how I hold you in importance. Really, this is very true. Good way to get me to not care about you is to do the above. It surely will happen, no matter who you are. Not even if you're my best bud who has two capital letters in his last name (always thought that was cool... idk why, but I highly enjoy writing it when I must).

So, I have class in a half hour. I probably should stop. Kind of curious to all the stuff I must have said. When I write, that's what I do, write, and I don't remember really what I have written. So I will go back and read this probably tomorrow or later today and be like, wow, I was upset. And be looking down like a third person because right now, I am a different person. I am not me and that is why I am stopping, because this me isn't allowed out very often because he isn't me and I don't want him to become me, and even if others do let themselves become this person, I hold myself to higher standards. So in the end, am I calling myself better than you...?

Depends on how you look at it. I think of it as, I act like people should at, so I am on neutral ground. Others don't act as they should, so they go into the negatives. So am I above? Ya... but that's because you put yourself below, not because I am saying that I am higher than you, its because you took a dive down on your own. Its all choice. Be better then, get better, do what you should, say what you should, do good, don't be stupid and illogical, immature, or anything like that. There are many people that are better than me out there (though I don't honestly believe that there are millions of them... many in this case are people that do what I do, think what I think, but go beyond, I just don't think that there are tons of great people in the world, I'm an optimist, but have a realist point of view, special huh? Ya, I think so too).

So like Shi-nia said, "Don't be stupid."

I haven't posted in a while. This blog was like #2 of my previous one. They are a pair and were written close together in actual time.

 

 

 

Separation is defined as "an act or instance of separating or the state of being separated." In other words, to me it means being apart physically or mentally. Which is worse? To me it is worse when a person is both mentally and physically separated from someone, or that they think that they are.

This someone doesn't have to even know that a person feels this way towards them, but the feeling itself is all that is needed and all that really matters to a person at that time. The physical separation of which I speak does not have to be distance such as miles, but a type of closeness between two people. The separation I am speaking about is more derived from the mental separation.

For instance, you may be getting along with another fine. You are physically near them and have discussions with them, but mentally, there is something missing, or maybe, it's not mental, but more an emotional attachment that is absent that is desired. Maybe, there is something else that a person is seeking from their surroundings and they just don't realize it yet. This sense, an individual will try to follow it and sometimes they succeed and sometimes they fail.

This goes unsaid yet again, back to the relationships a person has in their life, the cycle yet again. What is one to do if they find themselves trapped with-in this cycle? 

Before I said the worse relationship was "the people you want to know," but now, I stand corrected. The worst is a combination, a combination of relationship of which a person knows the people and want to get to know them more, but said person is unable to close the distance or "separation," due to extraneous factors.

Yes, this is the worst of them all. There are other factors as well that can make a relationship or personal situation worse, but one has to remember that life will not end in a single relationship (barring the abnormal), that there are more relationships out there just waiting to be made. There is also the possibility that maybe out of no-where, everything may fall into place when the right time comes.

Hope. One of the best gifts given to man kind. With out it, we as a race, as a species, as a people would fall, or so I do believe. There is nothing like hope, there is nothing like dreaming of a better life, or one that is more attuned to what you want or think that you want. It can drive a person onward into the face of any challenge or obstacle.

 It is what makes getting up in the morning easier, that of which gives you the strength that you need. Never stop hoping, wishing, and dreaming. To do so would be to cut your-self down at the core. Live on and strive for your dreams, no matter how simple or large they may be. They are what make you who you are; take confidence in that fact.

Right now I am on my winter break and have just started a new job at a local privately owned pharmacy. Its been about 3 years since I have worked in one and not much has changed except possibly its gotten more busy.

I'm sitting around the living room wondering what I can do to occupy my time while I baby sit/watch over my 12 year old brother till my parents get home. There is nothing really to do but read books and stuff and a person can only do that for so long until they want to be involved in the real world in some shape way or form.

My little bro is watching kung fu panda and I played video games and read a book all morning into the early afternoon. So now I think I will see if I can find something for myself to watch as well until the parents arrive home and start saying how there is so much work to be done, etc.

Relationships between people you know, people you don't know, and people you want to know. That is what life will consist of. A person's future, a person's life, will be dictated solely upon these interactions described above. Some people will be more influenced by the sway of time of either or of the three, but I think the one that really gets to a person, more so than the other two, for known and unknown reasons, is "the people you want to know".

I say this only from my personal experience, so don't take my word for it, but please do consider of what I say. It's like that old saying, you want what you can not have, though I see that saying in more of a negative light than what I am trying to touch upon at this point in time.

It's more with those individuals you seem to find some unknown attachment too. Some kind of drawing force that you wish to explore, that you wish to see if you can find more of what you think is what you have always wanted, comfort, support, companionship. Those are some of the best moments in a person life. This seeking and sense of belonging.

Though I also think one of the let downs is when you realize that what you are being drawn to is out of your reach, not yours to be had, or was not what you thought it was. There is a small let down and a feeling of being lost. Depending on your surroundings, this feeling can be easily shaken, but on the other hand, it could be as the covers of your bed, there daily, when you are trying to get peace of mind and rest from the troubles of the day.

It's an embrace of suffering in a reguard, but one that lets you know that you are alive. There will be others, the cycle will continue, but the process of letting go is a journey of the mind and heart. A journey that may never actually end...

I hope that my journey ends one day, for that is what I wish it to be. For all those out there that also wish for the journey of which I speak to come to a closure, I wish you the best in all three types of relationships, but mostly, in the last of the three. Know that I understand and walk the same path, as do many more. You are not alone and neither am I.