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46 Oakland, CA Man


I’m looking for

  • Women who like men
  • Ages 30–60
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Today – 9:36am
5′ 8″ (1.73m)
Body Type
Mostly anything
Buddhism, and laughing about it
Cancer, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from university
Politics / Government
Relationship Status
Open relationship
Relationship Type
Mostly non-monogamous
Doesn’t have kids, and doesn’t want any
English (Fluently), Spanish (Poorly), French (Poorly), Japanese (Poorly)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
How to summarize yourself in a paragraph or two? It can't be done, of course. Those closest to me have described me as very funny, good-natured, compassionate, kind, healthy (mentally & physically), a really good listener who is genuinely interested in others, musical, and someone who is willing to show up and be present. I have no reason to believe they're lying to me! I am a cis-gendered male who does not identify too strongly with the gender binary.

I am married and we are in an open relationship. We are both currently seeing other people, committed to each other, and practicing ethical non-monogamy (i.e., there is consent between us and no cheating). We both came to the conclusion that long-term monogamy was not going to ultimately work for us. However, we saw this not as a reason to end our relationship and have chosen a different path. My wife has a steady boyfriend and is not into the whole OKC thing (they met the old-fashioned way, in real time) so no profile to link to for those who ask. I also have a steady girlfriend whom I see weekly.

During the past year I have discovered that I am polyamorus in nature, so I feel comfortable in seeking out and participating in multiple relationships, no matter how they manifest (e.g., sexual, romantic, friendship, play partners, etc.). To clarify this, see the 'You should message me if" section.

I want this to be known early on in my profile so those looking can make an informed choice. If this does not work for you, I wish you luck and happiness in your search. If it does, feel free to continue.

I've been on OKC for about a year now. I've taken a recent break, but feel ready to re-engage with the dating world and see if there are any other poly (or open minded) people out there who are seeking a similar situation. And, yes, I do have time in my schedule despite how busy I may appear in my profile!
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Many things including, but not limited to: playing drums, bass, and guitar, partner acrobatics, hiking, journaling, working out, reading, dancing when I get the chance, to name a few. I'm in two bands currently, and music is a very important part of my life. Beyond the activities which seem to define just about everybody here on OKC, I'm trying to live as simply as possible and appreciate every moment I'm granted. I'm an Occupational Therapist by profession, and I work in community mental health. I feel really lucky I get to do this kind of work and help others, even in a small way.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
-Holding a conversation
-Finding humor in most situations and making people laugh
-Playing bass
-Helping others
-Being curious
-Working on my own shit
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My hair (it's long), my chest, my blue eyes, my laugh.This is based on comments I've received from others, not braggadocio.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Recent books include The Ethical Slut, How Music Works, The Private Life of the Rabbit, Lonely Planet's travel guide to Japan, A Tale for the Time Being, Just Kids.

Movies: Blue is the Warmest Color, Donnie Darko, The Burmese Harp, Leon the Professional, preference tends towards foreign films too numerous to list.

Music: Björk, the xx, The Raveonettes, Siouxsie, Kurt Vile, Depeche Mode, Elliot Smith, Neko Case, Peter Murphy, MGMT, David Bowie, Sleater Kinney, Wild Flag, Johnny Cash, PJ Harvey, Meshell Ndegeocello, baroque music, Marvin Gaye, Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Portishead.

Food: Pretty open and I can eat just about any combination of (healthy) food. Favorites are sushi and mediterranean.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
1. Love
2. Music & Art
3. Sex
4. Humor/Laughing
5. Health
6. Nature
7. Tweaking established paradigms.

It's hard to think of these as "things".
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
How grateful I am for everyone and everything in my life, at times sick with worry about this world, impermanence, negotiating the world of polyamory, recognizing & uprooting my unhealthy patterns of behavior, how to be a better human being, what's for know, stuff. I also spend a lot of time recently feeling my emotions more fully, which I feel is a good thing.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
At happy hour, dinner, movie out or in, relaxing at home after a long week, with friends, First Fridays, on a date, playing a show with one of my bands...depends.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I am Spartacus.

Oh yeah, I'm pretty allergic to dogs. So if you have a furry best friend who shares your bed it probably won't work out between us.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
-You like to laugh
-You seek connection and intimacy
-You have a fulfilling & busy life, but still want to make some time for connection, fun, pleasure, friendship, (safe) sex.
-You have good social skills & negotiation skills
-You just want to talk about this journey we're all on.
-You want to grab a coffee, a beer, or shoot a game of pool.
-You are polyamorous, practice ethical non-monogamy, or are not judgmental that I do. I understand it doesn't work for everyone.
-You've let go of, or are questioning the myth that one person can fulfill every need and role in your life.
-You are trying to step out of your comfort zone a little bit.
-You just want a fun date for the evening with no expectations (i.e., go out for a fun activity/din/drinks, make out a little if you like & call it a night).