In the quest to find the magic three adjectives i found 15 of so in the last couple of days. Here's a rough draft:

moodswings,
art appreciator,
poet,
tortured,
misunderstood,
passionate,
homeless(yet a landlord),
jobless(yet working) ,
loveless(yet searching),
soul searching,
writer,
lover,
scheme constructing,
zany,
being who seeks meaning and a place to rest.

i'm between an art degree and a medical tech degree and right now i just need a good cry. It feels like i'm working on a short novela to explain why i haven't achieved more in the last thirty years. That's what my various blogspots and journal probably amount to.

i'm always cut open but i seldom bleed

only as cool as the magazines i read

don't really know what it is to succeed

avoiding the world, myself, the greed

____

i want to get lovable, Luka show me

how do young stoners, move their body

can we escape this desperate chapter

i need to embrace youth and laughter

____

it's an overwhelming option to euphoria hang glide

when your small it's nothing to be happily occupied

dreams dissolve as your illusion estranges

who could have ever for seen these changes

THE EXISTENTIAL QUEST...

felling like i have no control over my life. Building imaginary worlds that put this one to shame. Searching for spiritual truth in this grand illusion.

Right now i'm guessing this big fat "avoiding the outside world" writers beard. My awkward taste in costumes and outsider clothing. My smile, Wormwood Guccis, and the blue eyes behind them. The red in my beard and the dirty blond hair on my head. (special message to a new friend: I'M NOT A CHRISTIAN WOWZER!)

Wowzers! These lists are an attempt at explaining facets of my personality but there is plenty that got left out i ashure you. i'm not fond of these as there is so much to include:

(MySpace imports) http://www.myspace.com/spacenate

(A)Books

Hmmm were to start BEATNICKS: all:William S. Burroughs, Jack Keruac, Allen Ginsberg, EXISTENTIALISM:Kafka, Sarte, Camus, and coming soon to a book nerd near you Dustoyuski(did I spell that right) Other books include Catcher In The Rye, The Invisible Man, Irvine Welsh:allmost everything, my favorite will always be The Marabou Stork Nightmares(childhood memories),Flanery Oconor,Hunter S. Thompson: The Great Shark Hunt, Bukowski, Alester Crowley, H.P. Lovecraft, Ken Wilber, Frank Herbert, Clive Barker, The Darktower series, Any Sandman, Every other poet that penned anything: Oger, The Weakerthans, Converge,some emo smucks, This would tie me into my love of song writing and short stories,Magizine culture includes:XLR8R, Wire, Hit it or Quit it, Adbusters, Punk Planet, CMJ, Ptolemaic Terrascope, The Furnace, Vice, and for my inner fashion whore: BPM, The Fader, and any seriously demented DIY fashion publication, word to michael Alig. Books of art include Picaso, Daili, the Impressionist period, Van Gough, Latrec, Botticheli, Klimt, Scheile,Raphiel, Da Vinchi, ect. Oh yeah don't forget online magazines; There what makes me art smarter than you(I can't belive I typed that) I'm sure I forgot a bunch of shit but thats a healthy start......

(B) Movies

(a ruff list)Where to begin: Pie,Donnie Darko,Naked Lunch,Liquid Sky, Videodrome, Existenze, Spider, Twin Peaks Fire Walk With Me, Permanent Midnight, Drugstore Cowboy, 24 Hour Party People, SLC Punk, Dazed and Confused, Party Monster, Amile, Momento, Run Lola Run, Heaven, Braindead, Magnoloia, Secretary, Stigmata, Niagra Niagra, Red Red Meat, Gas Food Lodging, Spanking the Monkey, Ghost in the Shell, Akira, any strange videos, The Opposite of Sex, Buffalo 66, Following, Star Wars, LOTR, 28 Days Later, Many zombie films, horror: Lucio Folchi, Dario Argenta, Evil Dead ect, Heavenly Creatures, Pulp Fiction, Resivoir Dogs, True Romance, Old School, Fear and Loathing in Los Vegas, I Shot Andy Warhol, Thirteen, The Beach, CQ, Bully, Teenage Caveman, stupid black&white monster movies ect.

(C) Music

(from the original SpaceN8 profile)
This is a long discussion so I'll try to be brief: electro(all forms,styles, and suffixes), space-rock, jungle, IDM(thats like one page of text on it's own), hip-hop/trip-hop/emo-hop/psycadelic-hop,death/black metal,minimal techno, ambient, no-wave, dance punk, post rock, sad songs, glitch, noise, jazz, anything with a wacked out keyboard, deep tribal house, Iron Maiden, Motorhead, Sabath, sad tripped out ethereal:slow dive, My Bloody Valintine, blah blah blah modest mouse, post ambient.godspeedyoublackemporer, Trans-am, Tortois, Bad Brains, Most scream-core/emo-core, E.A.R., spacemen3, ect. Thats almost half of my pasions, if I keep rambling this will be as long as my book rant.

(This mixes musical heros with writing and philisophic heros and is from the SpaceN8's adventures in Pittsburgh)

Heroes It's always changing. At the moment my mom, Lord Buhhda, Jesus Christ, Lao Tzu, clear perception, Gustav Klimt, Egon Schiele, Kieth Kember SONIC BOOM, Alester Crowley, William S. Burroughs, Sean Booth, Bill Brown, Richard D. James, jeswa + takeshi muto= phoenecia, Shawn Wolf, Miss Bumble Bee, DNA, Pharmasists wit dem good rates, anyone who can help me reach my goals, Markus Pop, Warner St. James, Aaron Dilloway, Tom Jenkinson, Michael Paradinas, Kevin Drumm, Ian Curtis,Nathan Young, Mark E. Smith, Animal Collective, Zip & Sammy D, Ellen Alien, Miss Kitten, Kevin Yost, DJ Pierre, UR, Kraftwerk, Adam Lee Miller, Nichola Kupperus, Ben Jordan, Mira Calix, Camile Rose Garcia, Parra, Dalek, Twist, Kenzo Minami,Warhol's 'Pink Banana', everyone at Adbusters, XLR8R, Punk Planet, Neil Gaimen, Charles Burns, Scud, everyone in the Outlaw Bible of American Poetry, just about every existentialist, beat nick, Chuck Palahniuk, Daniel Quin, Ken Wilbur, Ken Hollings, Mark Bianchi, Conor Oberst, Bob Dillin, Bruce Dickinson, the guy from the Microphones, Ohgre, Adam Bryanbaum, Matt Elliot, Jason Pierce, Peanut Butter Wolf, Acid Mothers Temple, Tadd Mulnix, Mike Ladd, Dan the Automator, Mr. Dibbs, Martin Atkins, Jello Biafera, Kool Kieth, The Invisable Scratch Pickles, X-men, Scratch Perverts, Ed rush, Boom Bip, Daedalus, Mad Lib (Lord Quaz!), Gill Scott Herren, Dilla, Sun Ra, every kraut rock and shoe gazer band in existance, syst3m, Johny O and every old school Detroit party promoter (word to Paxahau) team DORKWAVE, the old Boydel building fourth floor loft click (that includes and features DOC Detroit weather or not he wants to admit it), Deathlab, Suzyhomewrecker, the one i have yet to find, the man with no name, and so many others(check out SpaceN8/the Livonia MI profile for another part of my ever evolving self).

(D) Foods

I'm always open to trying new things but in my domain SUSHI REIGNS SUPREME. Lebonise, Indian, Chinese, mexican, vegan and vegetarian cusine is always perfered. All kinds of livin dirty WT food (complete with WT shame). Fasting and eating healthy in the name of reaching my goals is something i'm interested in (new trurf in some ways).

right now....

-My music archive,
-literature(all forms),
-my laptop and personal writing,(arousing memories)
-art supplies,
-the hope that answers lie in travel (Canada baby!)
-the illusion that i'm heading in a productive direction (all illusions in this reality for that matter).

Music, art, poetry, change, love, peace, death,the concept of family, dying with a sense of accomplishment, giving, graditude, higher understanding. Other than that it's all obsessing over selling the house and exploring Canada ;]>

Plotting my escape and writing my way out of my misunderstandings with everything in life so far. Dealing with occasional insomnia and trying to close this final chapter in dealing with Michigan as it claims my friends like rats in a maze.... one job..... one house..... one soul at a time.

It seems like all "true love" withers on the vine. i'm caught inside the tornado in my head, running out of time. People are on average more scared to use this website to se3arch for people than MySpace. Throw in a bunch of questions that make us "incompatible" by someone elses standars and it's easy to see how people stay alone. Sure there's to much written in these columns and i'm sure it's a futile attempt to describe me or anything else. i want to make myself and others happy. Being one of a kind can be a st back in a world of cookie cutter people. This is why i try to play my disadvantages in my favor (if that makes sense :]> ).

your able to reach a computer and want to explore the worlds of art, music, reading, cinema, writing cathartic self exploration, piercing the viel of time to reveal truth, finding those falling, flying, floating, freeing, fucking, fumbling attempts at self exploration through a passionate embrace, a warm conversation, sex for the sake of escape, crying in the arms of one who cares, feeling connected, feeling disconnected, running away, staying and dealing with it, figuring out what we're alive for<3.