I've got a great job. I've got a great home. I've got a great dog.
If you're looking for a bad boy or an asshole or someone to fix or
save or find yourself with, I'm not him. Basically, I've got my
shit together. Just need you to share it with. Not you. Not you.
Not you. You.
After working on a show called "Baggage" and finding out the
baggage of about 1,500 girls in LA, I've been hesitant to do this.
. . but what the hell. Hopefully you don't like to eat dirt, live
with 14 rats or have a penis.
What I’m doing with my life
When I'm not making fun of myself or making fun of you, I'm making
TV shows. Some are stupid. . . some are stupider. Spent the last
couple years producing for Food Network, so I can impress (or bore)
you with my knowledge of ramekins, black chicken and monkfish. I do
other stuff, but as much as I love silence (especially the awkward
kind), how 'bout we save something for a date?
I’m really good at
Saved by the Bell trivia
The first things people usually notice about me
Probably the tears.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
TV: Arrested Development, Curb, Jon Stewart, Nathan for You, Always
Sunny, Modern Family, Veep, Homeland, Dexter, Breaking Bad.
The six things I could never do without
Sarcasm, online dating... K-Cup Machine, Pop Chips Nacho Cheese
Tortilla Chips... My dog, poop bags.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
if my girlfriend is going to find me on here.
On a typical Friday night I am
Kickin' in the front seat.
Sittin' in the back seat.
Gotta make my mind up.
Which seat can I take?
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Since I was 9, I've gained over 100 pounds.
You should message me if
You "get it." You're not a pageant queen. You weren't the president
of your sorority. You've got a bit of Sarah Silverman in you.
You're a dog person, but not a god person. You like (or at least
tolerate) going to Laker games (I have season tix). You're more
tall than short. Bitch is not one of the top 5 or 6 terms used to
describe you. You don't get offended. You like to sing. You know
the difference between "you're" and "your." You don't have 8
pictures making kissy faces into the mirror. You'd rather go to a
resort than go camping. You want a partner in crime - to create, to
travel, to inspire, to watch the new season of Arrested Development
on May 26 with, to fill flash drives and Facebook albums with