I am self-confident, secure, and open minded
Find better matches with our advanced
49 • Valley Stream, NY • Man
I’m looking for
- Ages 31–55
- Near me
- Who are single
- For new friends, long-term dating
- Last online
- Sep 9, 2013
- 5′ 8″ (1.73m)
- Body type
- Very often
- Christianity, and somewhat serious about it
- Gemini, but it doesn’t matter
- Graduated from university
- Likes dogs and likes cats
- English, Spanish (Okay)
I am self-confident, secure, and open minded
The overall impression is that of a series of challenges, each more or less disheartening as they presented me with dilemmas of strategy or ethics.
But when I shift my perspective slightly, what I notice is not the tough times, but the gifts these trials brought with them.
I would not have learned as much as I have about myself and about life without them. I think the biggest lesson that I've learned is how fortunate I am.
I don't feel lucky because my circumstances are any better than another person's. I feel fortunate because, despite the lessons I still face and will face, I am also faced with the inescapable conviction that life is good.
One of the marvellous things about human beings is that we tend to be future-oriented.
We are concerned with our goals, and how well we achieve them or miss them. But this can be taken too far.
It is easy to be so preoccupied with where we are going that we overlook where we are.
A few weeks ago I had a conversation with a man I'd just meet about the definition of wealth.
When we talk about wealth and abundance in general terms, usually we think only about the figures on a bank statement, or material goods.
I don't deny that these are important. Money allows us to be comfortable and to feel secure about our future, and it allows us to exchange services with relative ease.
But there are other forms of wealth too. And in order to appreciate life to the full, we need to notice and appreciate these non-material demonstrations of fortune. One of the definitions of wealth is "the property of a more than adequate quantity or supply".
I feel lucky because I have more than what I need. It is only when I concentrate on what I don't have that I allow myself to start feeling deprived, or distressed because I haven't achieved some of my goals yet.
It's been proven many times that when we define our wealth as a number only, that number is always inadequate Consider what you thought being rich was as a child, or as a teenager.
What happened to that figure? We achieve it fairly easily - and as soon as we do, we increase that number. And every time we reach the new goal, we increase it.
It's easy to fall back into this way of thinking because money is a measurable, tangible benchmark.
Money may be very important, but it is still only one aspect of our lives. Even when we have enough money in the bank or in our wallets, we still need to spend it in order to get what we really need.
Remembering that is one of the ways to remind ourselves of the difference between needs and wants. This is a vital distinction - without it we cannot differentiate between our dreams, or prioritise our goals.
I may want a fancy SUV - but what I really need is either access to reliable public transport, or a reliable vehicle. I want beautiful things, but I need very few.
Humans have many needs: food, water, shelter, sanitation, beauty, companionship, inspiration and challenges.
If you want to feel lucky, spend a little time each day thinking about your needs, and how they are met.
Be grateful for what you do have, even while you acknowledge that you would like more. Because goals are important as a motivation for change; but they should not prevent us from appreciating what we have, right now.
Do you feel lucky?
Good day, slept in this morning, got a call from dad then went back to bed, nothing special.
Woke up late afternoon, just what I needed. Oh yah..
Another disaster in the kitchen, this mornings meal of Onions and Bacon strips was really nice but then felt hungry and did some saussages and a hash brown, oh I better stick with what im good at.
Just had a plate of cornflakes, my poor body must wonder what the matter is.
Feeling anxious about work on Monday but have saved tomorrow to get prepared and get myself looking at least half decent, want to make a good impression, funny how such little things can stess someone out.
Wine is tempting, let me get a glass, Jacob's Creek, Shiraz Cabernet Vintage 2004, oh well its 2 years old so that must mean something right?? I wish I knew more about wine, at one point in my life I really enjoyed it but now I think I would prefer a beer, am I turning in to the typical Australian Male??
Wine tastes nice, wish there was one filled with sugar, then I could be drunk and have high blood sugar at the same time!
The door to the balcony keeps slamming, dam I hate when that happens, its been a lovely fine day and now its a cool evening, even rained a little last night.
I just saw this guy tagging (spray painting) across the street on the wall, Im not going to play Mr Important and call the cops because next thing I know it will be the house, oh yah just what I need.
I just wish people had more respect.
Oh the upstairs cable tv isnt working anymore, god only knows why as the downstairs one is going just fine, typical
Time for a drink and a smoke!
Anyone who says they know the “real you” is being overly sentimental. They may know a side of you, but it is rare for someone to know the entire you. We are more versatile that we realize. We present many different faces depending on our audience. We shift personalities at a moments decision. Sometimes without thought. Being two-faced doesn’t even begin to cover it. Most of the time we don’t know the whole of it ourselves.
Having a complex identity isn’t a bad thing. It does make relationships complicated but more worthwhile. Nobody wants a simpleton. Identity grows and adapts and changes with life events. Sometimes for the better. Sometimes for the worse.
I once had an argument about this with a friend from college. I agreed that she had seen many of my faces. She had seen me listen intently and provide honest feedback on relationships and life in general. She had seen me party it up. She had seen me date other women. She had even seen me with some of my friends from home. I told her that she was one of my closest friends and knew more about me than most. This was true, but she didn’t know me as well as she thought. There were faces that she hadn’t seen. She got angry with me and said I was wrong. She felt hurt that our friendship was based on a lie or half-truth.
I asked her if she was the same person out drinking with her friends that she was with her family? No. She would obviously use different language, mannerisms. The same would be true if she were at home with close friends versus out at the bar trying to bring a man home. The same if she was in the middle of a job interview. Different people entirely. That doesn’t mean that each face isn’t real or genuine.
She asked me what she was missing.
I replied with a few examples. Some real. Some theoretical. She had never seen me angry. She had never seen me be a father. She had never seen me in a work environment. She had never seen me in combat. The list could have gone on, but that was enough for her. It probably made me sound as if I were a hit man back home. She got up and left.
She is of strong mind and opinion. I knew her well enough to know that I wouldn’t be able to convince her. I felt strongly that she would come to understand what I was saying. She was still young and hadn’t seen much of the world outside college and the comforts of home.
We are still very good friends today but there were a few years where she wouldn’t talk to me at all. A year or so after she graduated she contacted me and said that she was sorry. She remembered the conversation that had driven us apart. I did too. She never came out and said that I had been right, but she did say that people are complicated and that it takes some tough times to come to that realization.
I couldn’t agree more.
Report this photo
How does this violate our Photo Rules?
Thanks! We'll look into the issue soon.
Flagging inappropriate content keeps OkCupid awesome. You're now eligible to be a flag moderator!
Connect your existing OkCupid account
Restore your account to continue meeting new people.
Reset your password
We’ll email you a link to reset it.
An email is on its way to . If you don’t see it, try checking your Spam folder.