I have returned. Caution, this profile contains innuendo and sarcasm. And, a little bit serious. And, what is this "inabox" stuff y'all are using in your screen names?
Some of you ladies are starting off on the wrong foot. Do not be deceptive in your profile. Do NOT say that you live in Coldwater, MS, when you live in Marianna, PA! It is too easy to verify information. Move on, you have disqualified yourself! OR you can try to ask for forgiveness which is not likely to happen.
I need to be upfront with one item in particular; smoking. I do not see myself with someone who is a smoker. I won't list the reasons, but... So, here is how I would describe it. Should you be a smoker, you fall into a 1% chance of a lasting relationship with me. You may be more beautiful that I can imagine. I only have one woman, who I know is a smoker who does have a chance if she wants it. She is not on OKC. But, I am still thinkin' no.
Okay, let's get some business out of the way. I am NOT your hookup! Kind of hard to be a hookup when you are celibate!
While we are at it, I am NOT other men! I am NOT the guy that you divorced! I MAY not be a nice guy, but I AM a good guy. You can give up on your stereotype! Have you ever heard the adage that you can judge a man by how he treats his mother? Pay attention to that. AND, yes, you would have been impressed with me!
-I am not concerned about the age difference. If I were 17 and you were 7, THAT would be a problem. I am 62, if you are 30, and interested in an older man, that is no longer a problem. It just isn't. It is about how WE get along!
-I pay little attention to these percentages because there are too many variables to be correct. Just another false barrier.
Some women ask, "What do you like in a woman?"
- HONESTY. I want to know that I can rely on her to be truthful with me. While I was married for a long time, that didn't exist. You must understand that being misleading in your profile reflects your integrity. If you can't be honest, you will not be able to keep me!
- HUMOR; I am looking to the one who has an imagination like mine, and can parallel me and my humor.
- LOYAL woman. I will not cheat on you, and I do not tolerate cheating on me!
- A woman who APPRECIATES our home, and enjoys decorating.
- at least SPIRITUAL.
- a woman who SINCERELY loves ME! My question is, "Does such a woman actually exist?"
- the woman who gets my attention will likely NOT be a smoker.
- your mind doesn't need to be clean. Come play in the dirt with me! My new favorite song is, Talk Dirty to Me. :-)
Do you really want me to show my physical preferences?!
I look forward to the hand holding, the hugs, the kisses, the cuddling, the touches, the massage. When I hug, I often like to rub your back. Reread that, I did NOT say backside (although!) You women who pass judgement on others...
BTW, the only choice regarding long-term is dating. I would prefer that it be a long term relationship. I am not sure that I want to marry again, but if you are IT, then I am!
Having fun and making people laugh is a priority. If you aren't smiling, you are going to be! I do enjoy being relaxed and laid back. I am serious when I need to be, but life is so short now that I really do not want to waste it without the fun! I enjoy going to dinner and movies. I like to read, but do not get as much time as I want to do so. I like watching TV for about 5 hours a week...only the favorites below.
Hmmm, after re-reading that, I believe that I am looking for another Leo! I would think that you would expect the same from me. I deliver!
Now for a little tacky bs; All of you purests need to stop reading now. You HAVE been warned!
I am a knowledgeable man. I have an IQ of 130, combined with a mental age of 34. I know what Kegel's are; I have eaten some of them! I saw a question relating to Kegel's which tripped my bull s**t trigger. It happens! And, of course, being the experienced labiaologist, I knew what to say. I guess I could do away with the rest of my summary. This paragraph explains me pretty well! It may not be obvious to you, but I AM joking. For those of you that find yourself insulted, there is no need to message me; you are probably not the one that I am looking for.
Hey! Don't use any of the crap! You do not have my permission. (I know that there is a longer paragraph for this.)