I have returned. Caution, this profile contains innuendo and sarcasm mixed with a little seriousness. Your going to be here a while, so go get a cup of coffee! :-) BTW, read ALL of it.
WARNING! A number of women have not approved of my profile. You have been warned!
Some of you ladies are starting off on the wrong foot. Do not be deceptive in your profile. Do NOT say that you live in Coldwater, MS, when you live in Marianna, PA! It is too easy to verify information. Move on, you have disqualified yourself! OR you can try to ask for forgiveness which is not likely to happen. Further, if you are international, what is the point. No need to message me.
It has come to my attention that I may be relocating to the Las Vegas area sometime during 2015. Just so you know that my current location may be temporary, now.
I need to be upfront with one item in particular; smoking. I do not see myself with someone who is a smoker. I won't list the reasons, but... So, here is how I would describe it. Should you be a smoker, you fall into a 1% chance of a lasting relationship with me. You may be more beautiful that I can imagine.
Okay, let's get some business out of the way. I am NOT your hookup! Kind of hard to be a hookup when you are celibate! There could be a physical attribute which would prevent it. In that case, you need to be a bi-sexual female! LOL! The only reason that I would want to sleep with you early is so we could see what each other looks like first thing in the morning. I hope that you start drinking early!! :-)
While we are at it, I am NOT other men! I am NOT the guy that you divorced! I MAY not be a nice guy, but I AM a good guy. You can give up on your stereotype! Have you ever heard the adage that you can judge a man by how he treats his mother? Pay attention to that. AND, yes, you would have been impressed with me!
Some women ask, "What qualities do you like in a woman?"
- HONESTY. I want to know that I can rely on her to be truthful with me. While I was married for a long time, that didn't exist. You must understand that being misleading in your profile reflects your integrity. If you can't be honest, you will not be able to keep me!
- HUMOR; I am looking to the one who has an imagination like mine, and can parallel me and my humor.
- LOYAL woman. I will not cheat on you, and I do not tolerate cheating on me!
- A woman who APPRECIATES our home, and enjoys decorating.
- at least SPIRITUAL.
- a woman who SINCERELY loves ME! My question is, "Does such a woman actually exist?"
- the woman who gets my attention will likely NOT be a smoker.
- your mind doesn't need to be clean. Come play in the dirt with me! My new favorite song is, Talk Dirty to Me. :-)
- you need to like shooting, and like me to shoot.
Do you really want me to show my physical preferences?! Okay, physically I prefer women who are just slightly overweight, you know, a little meat on their bones. I love shoulder length, full head of hair. My favorite color is auburn/red, but any color is good. I like blue or green eyes. You could have one blue and one green eye. Yes, I like lush full lips. My preference in height falls between 5' 4" and 5' 8". 5 8 is a little tall actually because you are not as close to smelling my pheromones! I noticed that a $100 dollar bill in my pocket overrides the pheromone attraction!! Okay, the one you get mad about; breast size. I found that I am good with 34C to 40D. I am not that totally picky about that, but I do like to waste! If your name is Sarah, Jenny or Angela, you get extra points. :-) So, bottom line, I am looking for a white(or hispanic or Italian) woman that dresses like a black woman, but likes WHITE men! Can I say it any better?
I look forward to the hand holding, the hugs, the kisses, the cuddling, the touches, the massage. When I hug, I often like to rub your back. Reread that, I did NOT say backside (although!) You women who pass judgement on others...
BTW, the only choice regarding long-term is dating. I would prefer that it be a long term relationship. I am not sure that I want to marry again, but if you are IT, then I am!
Having fun and making people laugh is a priority. If you aren't smiling, you are going to be! I do enjoy being relaxed and laid back. I am serious when I need to be, but life is so short now that I really do not want to waste it without the fun! I enjoy going to dinner and movies. I like to read, but do not get as much time as I want to do so. I like watching TV for about 5 hours a week...only the favorites below.
Now for a little tacky bs( not that the above isn't tacky); All of you purists need to stop reading now. You HAVE been warned!
I am a knowledgeable man. I have an IQ of 130, combined with a mental age of 34. I know what Kegel's are; I have eaten some of them! I saw a question relating to Kegel's which tripped my bull s**t trigger. It happens! And, of course, being the experienced labiaologist, I knew what to say. I guess I could do away with the rest of my summary. This paragraph explains me pretty well! It may not be obvious to you, but I AM joking. For those of you that find yourself insulted, there is no need to message me; you are probably not the one that I am looking for.
Now, for those "women" who are offended; yes, I am sexist. I believe in man and woman and their God intended purpose. So, if you have or are going to be offended, I already know it. I have an intended purpose for this profile. Honestly, I am not concerned if you are offended. I am searching for what I want! Pilots are always looking for target-rich environments. I am looking for the woman who enjoys receiving facials as much as I do! :-)
WARNING: Any institutions or individuals using this site or any of its associated sites DO NOT have permission to use any of my profile, answers or pictures in any form or forum both current and future. If you have or do, it will be considered a violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications. It is recommended that other members post a similar notice.