BIGGEST UPDATE: Had the back surgery on March 8th and am having oh so much fun recovering! (Yay for sarcasm...) In all truth, it's going better than I expected. One of these days I may even be able to sit up long enough to type!

UPDATE: Seriously injured my back this summer so there may be massive delays in responding; sitting up to type is not such an easy thing of late. :grimace:

UPDATE THE SECOND: As of Nov. 21, I now know that I truly outdid myself by herniating not one, but THREE disks in my back. More treatments and limited time spent upright in front of my computer will no doubt continue. Bah. :P

Hmm...the longer I stare at this section, the harder it is to think of any possible way in which I can summarize my eccentricities in less than an impressively long novel. It was a lot easier to try to fill in all of the little boxes. -see also steelmoose.com or blackwylf on LiveJournal (since OKCupid is doing SUCH a marvelous job of displaying my blog entries).

In short, I'm a girl gamer, professional student, chainmail artisan, copy editor, criminal justice buff, bibliophile, and an absolute pushover for big, sad puppy eyes (whether on dogs or no).

I've been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder but love public speaking; am a psychology major who much prefers the "hard" sciences; and three of my best friends are named Jeff (and yes, it does make it confusing sometimes).

I enjoy cuddling and spirited discussions, but I absolutely adore doing both at the same time (especially when my hedgehog is involved). I spend most nights puttering around the house but love road trips. I'm a born and bred Texan who desperately yearns for snow. And for all of my many shortcomings, I like who I am and can't wait to see who I'll be.

:grin: Clarify things much?

I am easygoing, eccentric, and a pushover

Hmm, let's see.. I was on the VERY long-term degree plan for a bachelor's in Psychology with a minor in Chemistry (decided against finishing my Criminal Justice minor).

UPDATE: As of Aug 10, 2007, I have officially joined the ranks of the higher education graduates! Finished my Associate's in Chemistry and Biology! And December 19, 2009 I finally finished my bachelor's!! Huzzah! Just too bad that my service dog was a white German Shepherd...the hairs so clashed with the robe. :grin:

These days I do a little math tutoring for local college sorts and am known to earn a bit of money from time to time by editing theses and dissertations. (Which is how I've come to know FAR too much about the deregulation of the phone industry!) I'd like to further develop the market for my chainmail...there's definitely been a fair bit of interest, but it's rather intimidating to try starting a business on one's own. Right now I've been doing a ton of pet-sitting. Cats, canines, or chameleons, I'll spoil 'em all!

As for what comes next, who knows? Grad school and my doctorate are most definitely on the list. This may sound odd, but I'd love to get my peace officer certification someday. Makes it easier to get work in the forensics lab, or would get me a spot in the K9 division. But that's not a life-long career either.

In truth, I figure I'm one of those folks who's always going to be studying something new and, no doubt, I'll end up going through several different careers. Just too many things I want to do.

public speaking. Before the anxiety disorder, hated it as much as most people do, but now it's about the only time I can be with a large number of people and NOT get nervous.

Totally addicted to reading, and if it's Heinlein, it's not worth the effort to try to get my attention once I crack open the cover. Actually, it's hard to get my attention no matter what I'm reading. Closest I ever come to achieving Nirvana.

Used to be really good at music, hope to be again as soon as I can actually afford a decent instrument. I played viola in my teen years, have played piano off and on for nearly twenty years, and I recently got a classical guitar, though I have yet to start lessons.

Been getting a lot better at crochet (argh! so feminine!) and my sketching is improving in starts and stops, depending on how much time I have to work on it. And can I just mention chainmail again? *grin*

I've been letting myself get behind, but usually I spent a fair bit of time unassembling my computer (and sometimes I even manage to get it all put back together too). In more general terms, I just like taking things apart. It's even more fun when I can put them back together again without extra parts left over (though that's a somewhat rare occasion and usually calls for great celebration.) Needless to say, my Legos are very near and dear to my heart.

I'm also one of what was once a rare breed...the female gamer. Seeing a lot more of 'em now, but I can still remember back to when I was the only girl in a group with a hundred or so guys. What girl wouldn't like those odds? (and yes, I took full advantage of flirting to distract 'em from killing me whenever possible. Too bad it didn't help much...thppbbt).

I'm NOT good at fencing (yes, the sort with sharp, pointing objects), but I thoroughly love my lessons. However, I have found that it's rather difficult to overcome all of those years of my parents telling me to stop poking my sister. That and I'm afraid of putting my dad's good eye out when he and I spar. ;)

I'm decent enough at martial arts, but while math and science come easily to me, things like fencing, karate, and tennis have always been something I've had to put a lot of effort into. Of course, that only makes me all the more proud of my accomplishments in those pursuits.

In interpersonal relationships, I tend to be the listener in the group; the one people come to with their problems or if they just need to talk something out (guess it's not that surprising for a Psych major...or for someone who describes friendship as an "interpersonal relationship"). Doesn't matter what sort of difficulty someone is in, I'm the kind who just has to take care of everyone. I swear, every stray dog and cat (and person) in the neighborhood always end up waiting at my door...of course, this does tend to mean I end up being taken advantage of more than a little sometimes, but I'd rather deal with that than close myself off enough to be safe.

used to be the white German shepherd. Or if he wasn't with me, all of the white German shepherd fur that is still my ever-present accessory. Ask me sometime about my adventures in furniture shopping for pieces that coordinate with my dog. :mischievous grin: It rather confounds the poor salesmen when you pull out a small swatch of fur for comparison.

Here in East Texas, most people notice all of my ear-piercings a lot more than when I lived up in DFW. And heaven help me if they see the tongue ring. Ironically enough, I used to be the ultra-conservative in my group of friends (at least in the piercing department!)

Either way, I have trouble with the concept of small talk. I don't understand why people would ask "how you doing?" when they don't really want the real answer. But the aforementioned differences offer a wonderful conversation starter that I'm really comfortable with. Wonderful way of meeting good people. And once we get past the ritualized bits, there's no telling where the conversation will end up.

Books: As i said, absolutely anything by Heinlein. The man is a genius. And I never cease to be surprised by some of the things he was bold enough to write about back then. Some of those subjects are still rather sensitive topics. At any rate, as I said, love my fiction, especially Fantasy/Sci-Fi, good mysteries/thrillers, and even the occasional Nora Roberts. Spider Robinson, Mercedes Lackey, Anne McCaffery, Piers Anthony, Laurell K. Hamilton, Orson Scott Card, Dean Koontz, Patricia Cornwell, Robin Cook, Lisa Scottoline, Terry Goodkind, Christopher Moore (Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal in particular), etc., etc., etc... Those are just the ones that come to mind quickly. Generally prefer fiction, but do read a lot of non-fiction on the various subjects that fascinate me. Of late, Neurolinguistic Programming for Dummies (yes, it truly is a real book), Wheelock's basic Latin textbook, couple of Gaelic texts, a collection of German poetry, all kinds of dog training/operant conditioning references, treatises on criminalistics, and almost ANYTHING about comparative religion or history of mythology.

Movies: I live for movies with Gene Wilder and Richard Pryor. See No Evil, Hear No Evil is peerless and I have yet to see a movie that could compete for its place in my affections. Young Frankenstein (the original) is my idea of a classic. I love a good comedy, not opposed to action movies that actually have a plot, and absolutely adore any sort of psychological horror/thriller (as long as I've got someone there whose hand i can squeeze!). As with books though, I'm really not all that picky. Lot of things appeal to me. I must admit though, I really enjoy the Harry Potter series (books and movies). Is the laughter over now? (Note: Since writing that bit, I've come to the realization that I'm not the only one who thoroughly enjoys what was originally written as a children's series.) But seriously, there's not much I'm not willing to try, though there aren't a whole lot of movies I'd really like to pay to see in a theatre. (Besides, the popcorn's better at home and I don't have to wear pants.) Most recently I've been watching the Joseph Campbell series Transformations of Myth Through Time. Brilliant man. But no worries, I balance it all out with some lovely animated comedies. All things in moderation! Unless it's incredibly fun, of course.

Music: Anything. Well, anything but Tejano and some rap. I'm not even going to try to list the bands I love, but matchbox 20 has been the recent favorite, though Pink Floyd will always top my list. Listen to everything from Linkin Park to Yanni, Mozart to Dave Matthews Band or Eve 6. The hard part is finding a band that I don't like at all.

Food: I'm willing to try most anything once! (Which is how i found out that i actually really do like squid sushi...never woulda guessed that would be possible!). No laughing...seriously...but my all-time favorite food is the cheap, 3 for a dollar boxes of Hy-Top macaroni and cheese. On the bright side, it makes me a pretty cheap date. Always like Mexican, Italian, steakhouses, etc., but IHOP seems to be where I end up the most. Don't much like cooking for myself, so I end up eating a lot of simple sandwiches, smoothies and such. The strangest food I like (though rarely have anymore) is peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with fresh popcorn in the middle. And I'm guessing that if you hadn't figured it out already, I'm not exactly average. Not crazy, but eccentric is not too far off the mark!

1) My service dog and cats. Even though Xiomar, my white German shepherd PSD passed away early this year, I'm still certain that he belongs in this list. After almost eight years as my constant companion, it's hard to fathom a future without him. The way to my heart is through my furkids, but it'd better be sincere.

2) Computer. Did I mention I'm a "part-time" gamer? Who prefers to build her computers from the ground (case?) up? Lost our internet for two weeks a bit back, and I was forced to realize that what I'd taken for intelligence was simply my ability to Google the answers to my endless stupid questions, rather than subjecting innocent folk to them. Ok, and the TV. (Oh dear, the technological bias is beginning to show...) Loved forensics since i was knee-high to a grasshopper (that's the East Texas upbringing coming through) so having to choose among the myriad programs is a struggle in and of itself. I think I may be becoming addicted to Court TV and Spike (which is kind enough to show hours of CSI and Star Trek every day). I've also just grown accustomed to the TV as background noise--less distracting to me than the radio.

3) Something fascinating to think about. I can't stand to not be reading or studying or learning something. My brain runs on a lot of tracks at once, and I much prefer that it chew on something of substance. :sheepish grin: I have a wee bit of an attraction to "bright shiny objects", so sometimes my "something of substance" requires a whole lot of stretch in the definition.

4) My own little piece of grass. I cannot stand being trapped in a big concrete city. Have to have sun, rain, and all sorts of green, growing things around me (though I tend to do a lot better nurturing plastic plants as opposed to real ones!). Ooh! and puddle-jumping!! (Yes, I am in touch with my inner child. Where'd you think the fascination with bright shiny objects came from?!)

5) All of my hobby paraphernalia. Books, (most especially books), art supplies, crochet stuff, the little silver chainmail rings that end up bouncing into every nook and cranny, computer parts, logic puzzles (and the never-ending stream of mechanical pencils I have to invest in due to some odd dimensional warp in our couch that keeps eating them all), and of course the TV remote...it all keeps me sane when everything else is overwhelming.

6) May be last, but far from least. I couldn't get by without family and friends who love me, quirks and all (and there are a lot of quirks...I would be very sad to wake up normal some morning).

(Ok, so I know that most of this is the sorta stuff that just about everyone puts, but then, most folks need much the same sorts of things. There's only so much stuff in the world and there are, in fact, limits to my originality.)

morals, values, philosophical questions, mathematics or deregulation of the phone industry (depends on what I'm editing or who I'm tutoring that week), why the hell my crocheted doilies don't ever look quite like the pictures, my furkids (that should definitely be at the top), ad infinitum.

Most serious thing I worry on is trying to accept that the life I had planned out so carefully was absolutely shattered when I got sick. I'm only now starting to figure out that things I took for granted before, the little things I lost, are now my victories, no matter what other people may think. Hell, I'm having to learn that it doesn't matter what other people think; it's my perceptions and expectations that matter. (That's gonna take awhile though.)

I'm trying to wrap my brain around the fact that the person I used to be is gone, and while it's ok to miss that part of my life, I'm more than that now. Besides, when I think of everything I've learned from the stuff I've struggled with, I realize that I wouldn't want to go back if it meant giving it all up.

On good days though, I manage to spend my time NOT thinking about anything in particular. Oh but those are the loveliest sort of days (especially when it rains and I can go puddle-jumping...the ultimate cure for anything that ails you!).

curled up on the couch with a dog or two, watching a forensics show and weaving chainmail, working on puzzles, or just talking w/ friends online. Multi-tasking is a beautiful thing. Going to a movie, bowling, or just wandering around WalMart at 3am have been beloved past times. Best of all are nights when a couple of friends and I would pack up a load of sleeping bags in the back of a truck and drive out to the middle of nowhere to stretch out and watch meteor showers. Standing on the beach incredibly late, watching distant lightening illuminating ships on the horizon was a pretty darn good night too. *smile* I'm flexible.

I refer to it as being sick, or disabled, but those are just more acceptable ways to say that I've been diagnosed with a mental illness. A family history of serotonin imbalances on both sides, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (known to cause depression and anxiety), and intracranial hypertension and voila! Had to leave my job, can't take regular classes, and often struggle to be able to go to a grocery store alone. Most frustrating.

I worry a lot about the public perception of people with psychiatric problems. Different causes for different people, but healing (at least in the more severe cases) requires a lot more than just willpower. I spend a lot of my out and about time lecturing, giving seminars, making presentations at workshops--all just to maybe help the next person who comes along. I like public speaking, and I love the feeling I get when someone comes up to me after a talk and tells me how much it means to them to know that they're not alone. It's not an easy life, but it's got some very powerful rewards.

And now I'm a little worried about even writing all of this here...I think that sometimes I'm more ashamed of the changes in my life than I'm willing to admit, even to myself. I think I probably worry about it a lot more than the people that I'm concerned would criticize or reject me. Not that they're the sort of folk I'd end up being friends with, but I still think much too hard about it sometimes.

Hmm..entirely possible that should have been under things I'm good at. I'm rapidly developing worry into a fully-fledged art form. (Now would that be considered a new sort of performance art? Think I could pull off a one-man show?) And now I'm nervous about having shared so much, even if I have made liberal use of (attempted) humor as a defense mechanism.

:grin: I should probably have stuck to something easy like my fear and disgust for dead bugs. Live ones are generally ok, but dead ones...ick.

So if you were totally overwhelmed by the preceding paragraphs and want the short version, I'm odd and hate dead bugs. (And as you may have discovered by now, have quite the tendency to ramble.)

you managed to read all of this.

But seriously, if you think we may have something in common, if you'd like to ask something, or even just debate religion and politics (I'm kind of Druid, kind of Christian, mostly confused; and I'm generally [ok, REALLY] liberal about politics). But fair warning, I do have a rather odd sense of humor. (And if that hasn't come through yet, well, then either I REALLY shouldn't try typing at 4am, or you're one of the few who think this is normal, in which case we should DEFINITELY talk!).