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lasersquirrels

35 M Tampa, FL

My Details

Last Online
Jul 17
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 10″ (1.78m)
Body Type
Average
Diet
Mostly anything
Smokes
No
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Never
Religion
Agnosticism, but not too serious about it
Sign
Aries, and it’s fun to think about
Education
Graduated from two-year college
Job
Technology
Income
$40,000–$50,000
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids, but might want them
Pets
Has dogs
Speaks
English (Fluently)

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My self-summary
Have you ever had a crush on the class clown or that really funny guy at the office? I don't mind if you pretend I'm that guy. We might be a good match if you're into intelligent, witty, and a bit geeky men with questionable sanity, (in that kooky, creative, kind of way, not "the voices told me to kill my family" kind of way). I'm looking for a woman who ignites my passion, can make me laugh, and shares a few of my interests. My ideal partner is a fan of sci-fi and fantasy, into board games, and can't get enough stand up comedy. In return I offer stability, loyalty, honesty, and a terrific sense of humor. All this for 6 easy payments of $0.99. If you call now you will also receive love and affection from my four legged daughter, Maggie the wonder dog, at no extra charge.
What I’m doing with my life
I work full time at a bank. It's not my passion, but it's a good living.

I perform stand up comedy at small gigs and local open mics several nights a week and it is very important to me so I'm looking for someone very independant who is ok with being together only a few times per week, or loves stand up comedy enough to go with me... a lot. I mostly do it because it's fun, but it's starting to pay a little and I'm thinking about turning it into a career. I was recently accepted into a professional comedy troupe called Smart Comedy and I'll be doing more shows with them in the near future. I'm looking forward to the opportunity to travel and do gigs in other cities. Traveling is something I've always wanted to do, but haven't had much opportunity for.

If you'd like to see some of my work, including the source of my screen name, you can check me out at FreedComedy.com

I know, shameless self promotion, that's what happens when you mix a business degree with the performing arts.
I’m really good at
Explaining to people that I'm not actually Gay, I've had years of experience. I'm good at solving problems and good at creating them by accident. I'm fantastic at turning home improvement projects into medical emergencies (and good stories)
The first things people usually notice about me
Although I am a comedian and I've been told I'm quite funny, I'm not one of those obnoxious, "always on" clowns. I'm actually kind of quiet, reserved, and thoughtful, but when I do speak, it's usually hilarious or very insightful. I think people quickly realize that I'm no dummy. I can hold my own on almost any topic of conversation from art and music to history and science. I actually can get really chatty on an interesting topic.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
When it comes to books, movies, and television, I'm all about the same 4 things, non fiction, comedy, sci-fi and fantasy. I'm a discovery channel junkie most of the time, but for a bit of escapism, I love things that are going to challenge the imagination or make me laugh, preferably both.

specific books
The Mercedes Thompson and Alpha and Omega series by Patricia Briggs. I love wolves and these are werewolf novels very similar in style to Anne Rice From start to finish, I could not put down the Song of Ice and Fire (Game of Thrones) series. I also just finished the Hunger Games trilogy and really connected with it. It was quite the emotional roller coaster, especially the first and third one. I know, I'm a little late to jump on that band wagon, but at least I got there, right?

movies
The Lord of the Rings trilogy, Sean of the Dead, Hot Fuzz, Paul, At World's End, The Princess Bride, Braveheart, Holy Grail, Life of Brian, The Pest, A Knight's Tale, Labyrinth, etc.

shows
WHOVIAN I'm a big fan of Dr Who and Torchwood. Currently, I'm also into Mythbusters, Ghost Mine, TOSH.O, South Park, Family Guy, Warehouse 13, The 100, and Marvel Agents of Shield. Game of Thrones is absolutely amazing. The new Defiance is looking pretty good too. I loved Stargate (all 3), Firefly, Lost, Merlin, Eureka, and the best series of all time, Battlestar Galactica. I'm not really a TV junkie, but I'm loyal to my favorites that get saved on my DVR until I find time for them.

Music
I'm all over the map, country, jazz, hip hop, rock, you name it. If it is quality music, I will enjoy it regardless of the genre.
My favorites are Depeche Mode, Andrea Bocelli, Frank Sinatra, Nickelback (yes I still like them, despite the haters), and David Guetta. I like a lot of local and transient music too. 5 Pound Trigger, Applebutter Express, The Bawdy Boz, Betty Fox, Drop n Pick up, Meredith Marsh, Israa Kahn. I see lots of great musicians at the open mics I attend.

For food, I am a meatitarian. Vegetables are condiments and sides, not food.
The six things I could never do without
1) band-aids
2) freedom of speech
3) laughter
4) Science
5) my 15 year old mini dachshund, Maggie
6) My Droid phone, not iphone because I'm not a pretentious hipster
I spend a lot of time thinking about
If Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson died, would black people still have opinions? Do homeless people ever think about going camping? Has anyone ever done nitrous oxide and ex-lax together for shits and giggles? What would I do if I met Amy Pond?

Mostly, I'm always on the lookout for new material and thinking about what I'm going to write next. I'd also like to put my Business degree to use some day and I'm thinking up new entrepreneurial ideas.
On a typical Friday night I am
There is really no such thing as a typical Friday night so I'll just tell you what I like to do. I'm often found on the patio of Sacred Grounds coffee shop joking with friends, listeneing to great music or discussing issues of the day with really smart people. I like the outdoors, including canoeing, fishing, camping, and hiking. I love board games and usually get together with friends to play several times a month. I like comedy clubs, going to the movies and playing darts at the bar. I love going to amusement parks, not just for the roller coasters, but for the shows and beautiful scenery as well. I'm a pass holder at busch gardens and go frequently. I'm ok with a quiet night at home as well with the right company. I really enjoy fencing. I usually get together with friends about once a week to practice stabbing with the pointy end. I've recently discovered that I am a beast with a saber in my hand.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I fantasize about Sean Connery narrating pornography like the voice over guy on an animal documentary. Picture it in your head for a minute.

I also want to do a flashmob chippendales style strip tease to LMFAO's "Sexy and I Know It" in a break away tuxedo over a wookie costume.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 25–35
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
I'm looking for a kindred spirit who also loves to laugh and learn and takes an interest in social issues.

If you also want a laser squirrel. Together we can make it happen.

If you can answer the following question.
What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

If Starbuck, to you, is a bad ass viper pilot, not a misspelled brand of over priced coffee.

You should not message me if you think Ayn Rand is a respectable philosopher. Trust me, we won't get along.

One more thing, Please don't rate my profile 4 or 5 stars just because you think it's funny. This is a dating sight and that's what I'm looking for. It makes for very confusing and awkward conversations.