I'm a pretty swell guy.

I'm smart and really funny even though it bothers me to make such a bold claim about myself. See I even had to add that self-referential caveat. I like a bunch of typical nerd shit, especially Star Trek and Dungeons & Dragons and so on. Those two things especially, but I'm still not going to markup the words as links because I think "typical nerd shit" is a much better way to express it.

I have opinions about the internet and philosophy. But I'm not a jerk about it. You know? like one of THOSE guys.

I'm not very good at it but I like to cook.

I have a dog named Bagel; she's basically the best dog.

I input specific sequences of letters and numbers and funny punctuation marks into a computer machine. Mostly punctuation marks, as it turns out. I moved to Florida from Michigan some years ago for my job but I still consider myself a Michigander first and foremost.

Well, one thing I'm proud of being really good at is not getting bothered or upset at all about things that don't matter (most things don't matter). But who cares what I'm good at, how about what I'm really bad at:
- Remembering names
- Predicting the future
- Going to bed on time
- Parallel parking

I have no idea. Beard probably?

I know the internet was basically designed just for this kind of thing but I really dislike the idea of just listing a bunch of things that I like. I am sorry if I am being stubborn about my profile!

I don't know, pretend I made up some ever-so-clever responses like "oxygen" or something.

The Internet.

If I were gay, I would have a huge crush on Patrick Stewart.

You should message me for any reason or for no reason. Who cares.