Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Former motor city resident misplaced [clap-clap-clap-clap] deep in
the heart of Texas. Is everywhere the heart of Texas? I swear that
is how it seems! I guess Houston is more the armpit of Texas. Sick
Anyway... I'm a cupcake baking cuddle-enthusiast with a tendency to
laugh at everything. I appreciate the occasional poorly told joke.
I am extremely outspoken yet always open to hear another opinion.
I'm a lexical linguist with an appreciation for awesome
alliterations. I probably like you for your dog.
I spent a ton of my childhood watching the Disney channel in
between trying just about every activity out there. Through that,
I've become a Jack(ie) of all trades with a well honed sense of
humor akin to your middle-aged Uncle. (More Joey than Jesse,
sadly.) I find magic in everything!
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I am doing things, mostly for the sake of misadventure. Also
drinking a ton of tea and eating too much sugar.
I have a big girl job at which I pretend to adult, but mostly end
up blowing bubbles all day long. (Why yes, I am a mermaid.)
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
I'm really good at finding fun in the little things. Remembering
minuscule details. Also making punny cards, planning surprises,
teaching dance, eating chocolate ice cream, and cuddling all of the
I'm really bad at not collecting stray dogs to try and find their
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I will talk to anyone, no matter who they are. I love meeting new
Or maybe the amount I talk with my hands. Conversations are
interpretive dances to me.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
My favorite book is Anthem by Ayn Rand. Even though I hate Ayn
Honorable mentions include: Eating Animals by Jonathon Safran Foer,
Harry Potter, Stiff by Mary Roach, The Glass Castle by Jeanette
Walls, Night by Elie Wiesel, Time and Again by Jack Finney, and The
Other Boleyn Girl by Phillipa Gregory. Also, Roald Dahl was the
My favorite movie is Love Actually. Honorable mentions include:
Just about any Disney movie, Bridesmaids, 500 Days of Summer,
Inception, and I Love You Man.
Lost and Full House are the best TV shows of all time. I'm sure
they share a lot of the same demographic. Also Weeds, Archer, Bob's
Burgers, Gilmore Girls, Star Trek, Broad City, and Orange is the
I listen to things and stuff. Elton John, John Legend, The Black
Keys, Zac Brown Band, The Beatles, Roy Orbison, She & Him, Dave
Matthews, George Jones, Jay Z, and Bruno Mars. I know all of the
words to Juicy J's epic hit "Slob on my Knob."
My favorite food is Swedish Fish. I am a vegetarian and my favorite
non-candy food is hummus. I will eat it on almost anything.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
...is a sentence fragment. Here are things I find neat:
Dresses- I only have to pick out one article of clothing for an
entire day? Done.
97.9 The Box old school hip hop mix- Sometimes you need to hear
"Check Yoself" while you eat lunch.
Google- My most recent search: "ICP Yo Gabba Gabba cover."
A ton of bobby pins- usually scattered throughout my life.
Detroit sports- Go Red Wings!
Incorrigible optimism- Go Lions!
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Where in the world are Aladdin's nipples?
How can I create a portmanteau or pun out of something that was
just said? Punmanteaus if I'm lucky.
Do Dunkaroos still exist? Because I need some.
Will I ever get my soul back from Apple? Will they at least market
Finally, is it time for Christmas music yet?
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Making bad decisions. Or baking an array of sugary deliciousness.
Binge watching Netflix. Possibly wearing footy pajamas. Probably
snuggling a dog. Finding all of the wrong people on the Internet.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I think underwear is for chumps!
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
-You have a good joke to add to my repertoire.
-You're a fan of the Oxford comma.
-You know what I mean when I say "Fire up Chips!" Without
-You have extensive knowledge of internet memes.
-You are Jimmy Fallon.
-You are completely cool with the fact that "MMMbop" is and always
will be my karaoke song of choice.
-You dig consensual non-monogamy.
-You like piña coladas and not getting caught in a Polio
-You want to pretend we are engaged so that we can go out and eat a
ton of free cake samples.
Finally, I get that you think it's cool that I'm sex positive. I
think it's cool that you are too, but if all you have to offer me
is a weenie (even if it's a nice one,) I'm not particularly
interested. Those are pretty easy to come by! [Ba dum tsssss...]
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