The English language, when written or spoken properly, can be a beautiful thing. More beautiful indeed than a month of sunsets in Tahiti.

It is with this in mind that any use of the English language in the following manner should be punished gravely.

(a) "I should of done this." - It's should have! You should have gone to the bookshop, you should have bought yourself a book on grammar, your tongue should have ripped out by a thousand crazed worshippers of the pagan God of Grammar. If you must use a contraction, the correct one is "should've". Where in the world did "should of" come from, anyway?

(b) "Definately" is definitely spelt as "definitely". Does anyone actually pronounce the word with an a sound?

(c) "I don't mind fetching you your umbrella, but I don't know which one is it."- you mean to say you don't know which one "it is". You use "is it" as a question, like "Which one is it, the yellow one or the blue one?"

(d) "Your getting on my nerves." - I'm sorry, my what? The word your is a magical word that is known as a possessive pronoun, which implies ownership of something, for example, "your book", "your house". The correct contraction of "you are" is "you're"!