I once fought off a world invasion of army ants, armed only with paper towel tubes and double sided sticky tape.
Fought really hard to bring peace to the Middle East of Beverly Hills.
I can regularly cook minute rice in mere seconds.
I've consulted several Presidents on how to deal with the controversial issue of choosing which side to root for Bloods or Crips.
Built a time machine to go back to warn Julius Caesar of the pending betrayal coming his way, but ended going back and scaring Caesar Cardini ending the worlds chances of ever having to suffer through anchovy laden caesar salads.
I found the perfect way to lose weight by consuming a ton of chocolate and greasy food, but had the idea stolen when I got jumped by a bunch of goons on behalf of Jenny Craig, Nutrisystem and Lucille Roberts.
Won an Emmy, an Oscar, a Grammy, a Time Man of the Year, but lost in a landslide to be jury foreman in a local sheep smuggling case. There are some who say some of the other jurors were paid off by the local farming syndicate.
I've scaled to the top of the Himalayas so fast, I had time to scale back down, climb back up again and still make a 6 pm dinner reservation with the Dalai Lama. It is bad karma to leave that man waiting.
I've searched the world for the meaning life, but found out someone had taken it to the grave with them centuries ago.
I've trained pigeons to fetch me my paper. I should not have taught them to read though, because they constantly steal the sports section.
I've done all this, yet have no one to share future adventures with. Hopefully one day that changes with someone from here.