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like_a_simile

33 M Atlanta, GA

My Details

Last Online
Today – 2:01am
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 11″ (1.80m)
Body Type
Average
Diet
Strictly anything
Smokes
No
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Religion
Atheism
Sign
Gemini, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Working on space camp
Job
Art / Music / Writing
Income
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids
Pets
Has dogs and likes cats
Speaks
English (Fluently), Japanese (Okay)

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My self-summary
I write. Music mostly, but sometimes stories. I enjoy people-watching and metafiction. I love my dog. I get along. I listen. I like to make things. I run. I jump in puddles. I'll fly your kite.

I take this all very very seriously. So incredibly seriously. If you want Mr. Half-Heartedly-Looking-Around-and-Just-Seeing-What-Happens, then you came to the wrong fucking profile, lady. Because I am here to online date the living daylights out of you. Prepare yourself:

Imagine you're laying in bed right now. Imagine your eyes are closed. Imagine an amazing magical man that has the power to transcend the confines of your lucid mind and step out into a tangible reality. Now open your eyes. What do you see? That's right, it's me, girl. Now imagine you take hold of my hand and fire shoots out of our feet as we burst through your roof and rocket off into the night... and like... all these little animals on hoverboards come flying beside us... and maybe the sky starts flashing all sorts off really cool colors... and this thick daft-punk-style guitar solo kicks in... and we're just a-flyin and a-groovin to the ends of the earth!!! Cause that's what dating me is like. It's like some kind of amazing roller coaster-- with pizzas instead of wheels-- pizzas that are so incredibly big you can't even eat them! And George Clooney and Samuel L. Jackson are on that coaster sitting right behind us... they're laughing and giving us high fives and asking us to be their BFFs. I seriously would like to know what other men are offering you that tops a metaphorical mid-coaster high-five from Samuel L Jackson. And my love just keeps on roller-coasting and nothing can stop it. Except maybe if you were Batman. Batman could stop my love, but that's the ONLY thing...

So, unless you're in close personal contact with Batman, you better get ready for some goddamn romance!!!!!

In all seriousness, I am primarily interested in the following types of relationships: Movie-Mates; Correspondence-Colleagues; Artshow-Allies; Thriftstore-Teamsters; Baking-Buddies; Concert-Confidants; Painting-Pals; Tabemasu-Tomodachi; Roller Coaster-Radical Comrades; Any other alliterated combination of Activity-Accomplice type persons of a friendly nature.

A few things I like:
-- I like taking polaroids and giving them cryptic titles/captions.
-- I like anthropomorphic representations of everyday things.
-- I like rainy days. Thunderstorm + cozy bed + tin roof = heaven.
-- I like playing board games at a cafe.
-- I like cute and cuddly. I like dark and twisted.
--私は日本語を好きです。
-- I like robots and cowboys and astronauts and monsters and such.
-- I like writing music, recording music, listening to music, and hitting people with musical instruments.
-- I like boys that look like girls. I also like girls (cis or trans) that look like girls, but where's the fun in that? Get with the stick-on mustaches, ladies!
-- I like aminals.
-- I like cheesy horror movies and musical theater.
-- I like categorization: I'm apparently INTJ, if that matters to you.
-- I like nerdy things like classic era video games, sci-fi, computers, coding, tabletop RPGs, retro-technology, and the like.
-- I like snuggling up with someone and watching the giant-evil-mantis-people devour our city.
-- I like going on walks. I like walking on goes. I walk liking go ons.
--I like wordplay and its prerequisites: vocabulary, grammar, etymology, etc.

tl;dr profile summary: I am romantic as fuck.
What I’m doing with my life
Well... I'm an award winning independent film composer... but who cares about lousy real-world achievements, am I right? All that truly matters is that I have next to zero internet points/karma due to a severe lack of cat.

For 2014, I'm interested in breaking into scoring music for game development.
I’m really good at
Simultaneously noticing your new haircut, listening to you complain about that bitch at work, loving every single pair of your amazing shoes, and feeding you fancy chocolates, all while going down on you and wanting nothing in return but the privilege to draw a bubble bath for you afterward and the possibility of keeping your freezing feet warm while you snore... which I find adorable.
The first things people usually notice about me
I guess I'm a pretty classy dude. I would imagine that people tend to notice how classy I am and think to themselves "Whoa... class act, twelve o'clock!" And then maybe they'll try to talk to me or something but won't be able to build up the nerve because of classy overload.

...classy overload is when one person is so unbelievably classy that their classiness sort of repels all other things, like attractive women.

I suffer heavily from classy overload. I probably should have started with that.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
BOOKS: Haruki Murakami, Kurt Vonnegut, Italo Calvino, Carl Sagan, Dave Eggers, Stephen King, William Gibson, Douglas Adams, Richard Adams, Kelly Link, Herman Melville, Margaret Atwood, Terry Pratchet, Richard Dawkins, Malcolm Gladwell, Jonathan Safran Foer, Banana Yoshimoto, David Sedaris, McSweeney's Quarterly, most multi-book epic fantasies, and my all-time favorite: "The Monster at the End of This Book" by Grover.

COMICS: Neil Gaiman, Chris Ware, Bryan K. Vaughan, Alan Moore, Craig Thompson, Daniel Clowes, Jeffrey Brown, Bill Willingham, David Mack, Mike Carey... the Grant Morrison and Joss Whedon runs of X-Men, the entirety of the Perry Bible Fellowship and XKCD to date, and an embarrassingly large amount of this TMNT spinoff called Mighty Mutanimals when I was younger.

MOVIES: Wes Anderson, Charlie Kaufman, Shunji Iwai, Paul Thomas Anderson, Pedro Almodóvar, Kar-Wai Wong, Jim Jarmusch, Jim Varney, Hayao Miyazaki, Christopher Nolan, Jean-Pierre Jeunet, The Coppolas, Terry Gilliam, John Waters, Quentin Tarantino, Walt Disney, Todd Haynes, The Coen Brothers, etc, etc, etc. + practically any well-made documentary.

TELEVISION: Whedonverse-- every show; every episode, Arrested Development, Doctor Who, BSG, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Breaking Bad, Walking Dead, Sherlock, Game of Thrones, Madmen, Star Trek TNG, Gainax series, Parks and Rec, 30 Rock, Always Sunny, Rick and Morty, Community, and such. I generally binge and purge entire seasons at a time.

MUSIC: Pretty much just kazoo bands. I mean, all the same kazoo bands that you're into... plus a few more obscure ones.
There's little point in even beginning to seriously document my musical taste. As a student of composition, I have spent more time with music than I have with other human beings. I absolutely guarantee we have common ground.
As far as classical goes, though, I'm fond of the late romantic, impressionism, minimalism, and the like. Also, 8-bit and 16-bit video game scores.

FOOD: Bread.
The six things I could never do without
Friends.
Music.
Internal organs.
Repeating myself.
Repeating myself.
Your mom.
(Get it? See, "Your mom" is something hilariously unexpected that clever people put in their dating profiles. It's a reference to the fact that they have inserted their (sometimes fictional) penises into your mother's vagina. You are now thinking about your mother's vagina. You are now breathing manually. Same goes for blinking. You are now aware of the weight of your clothing. I'll stop now.)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
1) Leitmotifs for myself and those around me.

2) Game theory.

3) Learning to dance. Needing a partner. Paying a talented gay man to teach me and developing a lifelong friendship in the process. Becoming kickass wingmen for one another. Entering the big dance championship, but both of us injure our ankles during a wacky dance montage scene (the part where we're doing this cool running-man/shuffle-- backwards-- up the down escalator). Hastily developing a routine that incorporates our novelty over-sized casts. Being beaten at the championship by those douchebags Jerry and Veronica... but receiving a slow clap and the audience choice award.

Seriously... I really really want to learn to dance. Please find me, talented gay man!!!

4) Groundhog day scenarios.

5) Could God make a God so big that even God couldn't eat God?!? (Answer: No, there is no God and everyone you've ever loved will die alone, then cease to exist- even within memory- in a matter of about two centuries. For example: Tell me about your great-great-grandmother-- What sort of a person was she? What did she enjoy? What. was. her. name? ...I thought not. Now, go hug someone you care about.)

6) Dogs wearing people clothes.
On a typical Friday night I am
RADICAL!

And/or getting together with friends to make funny songs.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I met "Nina" in 2003 at a pirates vs. ninjas party during her freshman year at the Atlanta College of Art. For reasons beyond me, she had associated herself with the traitorous seamen (band name?)... but I do like eyepatches, so in the end, it was alright. I was there with my friend Travis and we were ninjas. Travis already knew Nina and so it seemed to be a pretty natural progression when the party eventually moved upstairs to her dorm room. Nina and her room mate danced and goofed off with Travis and I for a while and we engaged in various G-rated activities. She only had the faintest hint of an accent, but when her mother called her on the phone, Nina launched into fully fluent Russian. It was mesmerizing. Alas, I went home and that was that. Nina would contact me via myspace from time to time, but that was basically the extent or our friendship.

Maybe a year or so later, some friends and I were watching an Antonioni film called Blowup. It's about the perception of reality and so our conversation afterward started out as a discussion of this and other pseudo-intellectual topics, but of course, quickly shifted tone to somehow end up a full-on discourse on eating cheese off of a woman's chest. None of us remembers how this dialogue came to be. I remember what specific people had to say about the subject... just not how we ever got there in the first place. Anyway, we talked about this into the wee hours of the morning. Mostly, it was a conversation about whether or not the act would actually be sexual... could it be truly arousing... what separates erotic from absurd for each of us... and such. It was determined then and there, that one of us needed to achieve this task and report his findings back to the group. I was the elected official.

Thus began a process of trying to determine any girls we knew that might consider allowing me to eat cheese off of her naked breasts in a purely experimental fashion... but eventually came to a dead-end. We each went home stumped and saddened. Until I logged onto myspace, that is. Nina! Nina would be perfect! I didn't know her well enough to destroy any actual friendship, yet she knew I wasn't a total creep and understood my sense of humor well enough.

I wrote her what is very likely still the most lengthy (and probably most convincing) formal request to eat cheese off of one's breasts that any woman has ever received. She loved it. Her exact words were "fill your pockets with gouda and your mouth with my breasts."

She was more enthusiastic about this idea than I could have ever imagined. In fact, she was more enthusiastic than I was. She began doing research. She set up a website where we were going to input the collected data for the world to see. I was supposed to rate which fine cheeses were the best to eat off of a fine lady's bosom. She was to rate which were the best to have eaten off of her own. Nina was a very small framed girl and at some point during the preparation, she expressed fear that her breasts weren't big enough to do the project justice. She assured me she was not backing down, only that she felt unworthy of such an undertaking. I assured her in turn that she was perfect for it... which I sincerely believed. It was all going to be very scientific and hilarious and everything until she proposed that it be done in a candlelit room... record player on... her in a chair, wearing half of an elegant dress... and reading aloud The Brothers Karamazov in Russian. This was when I realized that it was going to be sexual. Just cheese and boobs? Fine. Not necessarily deeply arousing. But cheese, boobs, vinyl, and girl reading classic literature in its native tongue? That's crossing into sincerely erotic territory for me. It wasn't the ingredients themselves so much as that they were her idea. All the same, I absolutely could not wait. I built the night up in my mind. It was starting to become too good to actually happen.

And, so as to avoid an anti-climatic ending, it didn't.

On the night that the grand experiment was to happen, Nina threw a party at her new apartment. I arrived with a vast assortment of cheese. The place was pretty packed. Some knew what was going to be going on later behind closed doors, others not. I was having a good time. Nina was having a bit too much of one. She ended up passing out. Again, she is tiny... it didn't take much. A brief discussion on the ethics of eating cheese off of an eager, yet unconscious, participant, in front of friends and strangers ensued. One of her best friends urged me to go ahead with it... attempting to convince me it was what Nina had wanted all along. I didn't buy it. And so the night ended in vast disappointment for many. Less for those that had no idea what was supposed to be going on in the first place.

For no real reason in particular, Nina and my relationship began to flicker out after that night. We would bring up the experiment from time to time... but it seemed more of a joke now than an actual plan. In time, she met a nice fella that had no desire to eat food off of her and they moved to New York. I never saw Nina again.

I did eventually eat cheese off of a woman's breasts. She loved me, and wanted to fulfill my old desire after hearing about the story from friends. I won't say that it was an underwhelming experience... but something about the magic of the event had forever faded for me. I'll never let that girl know, of course. I'll always remain grateful that I was able to find someone that wanted to share this with me, and put in the effort to follow through. But sometimes these things require a little something more. Sometimes they require the Brothers Karamazov.

The End...
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 20–45
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
You can see yourself as one of the aforementioned alliterated activity-accomplice amalgams.

(Movie-Mates; Correspondence-Colleagues; Artshow-Allies; Thriftstore-Teamsters; Baking-Buddies; Concert-Confidants; Painting-Pals; Tabemasu-Tomodachi; Roller Coaster-Radical Comrades; etc . . .)

OR

You read this entire profile and feel cheated out of a not insignificant portion of your life. I will mail you a consolation prize to compensate.