I'm kind of addicted to Tetris. I recognize that it's a problem. I make daily references to 30 Rock/Mean Girls/Clueless/Futurama and recycle jokes that I heard during stand-up specials. I dress like a librarian. I've always dreamed of being an art thief but have since realized that I have a paralyzing fear of authority. I sing along with the music that I'm listening to and generally think that I'm pretty good. "My lifestyle is simple: live easy and Bruce Willis." This Halloween I'm going to be a Pawnee Goddess. I'm a devoted practitioner of Liz-bean-ism. I've been told that I'm delightful. It's a goal of mine to die with all my body parts intact. I want to be as Dennis Duffy once described Liz Lemon, "a cook in the bedroom and a whore in the kitchen." My real name is Dick Whitman. I make a killer cream puff. I cheat at crossword puzzles. ENTJ through and through. A mix of Abbi Abrams, Leslie Knope, Amy Brookheimer, Liz Lemon, and Jack Donaghy.
What I’m doing with my life
Born and bred in south-central Pennsylvania, educated in southern Virginia at a woman's college. Got a silly mater's degree in theology at a Columbia affiliate. I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do for the rest of my life. I used to work with formerly incarcerated women. But I've sold out. Now I work at a start-up you've probably heard of.
I’m really good at
Procrastinating. Judging. Making excuses. Sleeping. Winning. Making
burritos. Being charming. Filling out forms. Maneuvering around
tourists. Being polite.
The first things people usually notice about me
How young I look. I swear, I get carded all the goddamn time.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
//books: Mostly non-fiction but I'm trying to get back in the fiction game. I don't fuck dudes who don't have books.
//music: I have terrible taste in music. I acknowledge that.
//foods: Pork buns. Beet pickled eggs. Vanilla pudding. Bagels with cream cheese and smoked salmon. Cheese. Samosas. Sandwiches. ("I believe that all anyone wants in this life is to sit in peace and eat a sandwich.") Split pea soup. Milksteak. Cheesy Blasters. (Picky eaters need not apply.)
//television: 30 Rock. Parks and Recreation. Mad Men. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. House. Ken Burns everything. Adventure Time. Game of Thrones. Good Eats. House Hunters International. Skins. Doctor Who. GREEK. Soap operas. Sherlock. Are You Being Served? Keeping Up Appearances. The Supersizers. How I Met Your Mother. Carl Sagan's Cosmos. Glee. This Old House. Antiques Roadshow. Jeopardy!. Veep. NBC Nightly News. Futurama. Orange is the New Black. NOVA. Broad City. The Mind of a Chef. Black Fraiser. Bitchhunter.
//movies: Jurassic Park. A Blaffair to Rememblack. Who Dat Ninja?
The six things I could never do without
// My Macintosh.
// J. Crew
// My college ring. (I feel naked without it.)
// The Atlantic/NPR/National Geographic/New York Mag
// Pie. (Especially in peach or apple varieties.)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
// When I'm going to get around to writing that paper about the religious symbology in Kanye West's music video for POWER.
// How to cite rap lyrics in an academic paper. See above.
// Why people use group photos as their profile pictures. Okay, I get that you have friends, but when you're with a group in your profile picture I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE. And then I hope that you're the hot one.
// Why so many people have professional looking head shots as their profile picture.
// The apricot ice cream at Morganstern's.
On a typical Friday night I am
Spending some quality time with Netflix. Cooking. Going to bed early. I'm a party animal.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I'm currently stashing away extra cash for a pin-up style photoshoot.
You should message me if
You're default is to be nice: opening doors, saying please and thank you, over tipping.
You have a beard and/or glasses. (I'm kind of a sucker for that.) Smart and short dudes, slightly pretentious intellectuals, 30 Rock/Parks and Rec fans, Westsiders/Upper Manhattanites, and snappy dressers need apply.
You want to go to a tiki bar.