I'm engaged to XochiquetzaLina, and that is my primary relationship. I have another sweetie in a different state and am dating a local as well. Plus I purposely scaled back on commitments in time to start grad school! I say no to both fun and work a lot more than I used to. So I think my social/dating bandwidth is pretty full right now.

I'm poly and queer and kinky, and if you can't handle any of that, we probably won't get along.

Still with me?

People seem to find my contradictions interesting, at least at first. I alternate between being playful and being jaded. I bounce back and forth from random silliness to earnest opinions. I'm flighty and absent-minded, but when I concentrate, my brainpower is fearsome. I'm often extremely grumpy or extremely cheerful. I blush, laugh, and startle easily. I will break into song walking down the street; musicals only seem unrealistic because everyone knows the same choreography. Oh, and I don't dance. Despite what my friends may tell you. But I bounce a lot.

I prefer women to men, cats to dogs, and chocolate (and kink) to vanilla. Femmes tend to win out over butches, tops over bottoms, and older predators over precocious youngsters. However, should a brilliant specimen of the minority category come along, I am not averse to taking an interest. (XochiquetzaLina is a genderqueer switch my own age... and only one of those factors really threw me.) And if you're a mensch, then none of that stuff really matters. We can still be friends.

I am adorable, cynical, and tactile.

Cleaning all the things (in fits and starts). Learning how to be a librarian. (If you think that's hot, please have a reason other than the glasses and bun, which are not currently applicable to me.) Working on my relationships. Making a shared home with my sweetie. Planning our wedding.

Working hard; remembering to play sometimes, too. Intuitive eating. Remembering to stretch. Minding my spoons. Decreasing my attachment to material goods. Developing a credit history (and if you want to hear my rant on our messed-up credit-based society, I have one). Blogging and budgeting. Wondering where my once-sordid lifestyle went.

I was born in the city and raised in the Bay Area. I went off to college in Ashland, OR, and got my BA in theatre, with a minor in music (vocal performance). I sing with a gospel choir, I work in customer relations at a technology startup that has its ups and downs, and I spend a lot of time on public transportation. I've become very involved in my particular home for disorganized religion, so I'll talk about that if you like. (I don't convert, and I'm not convertible.)

proofreading. I make eighteen gajillion typos a day, so I have to catch them all (unless it's in IM, and then I'll only correct one out of ten). However, you can assume that I know how to spell whatever it is I've just misspelled, and that my fingers just aren't able to keep up with my thoughts. I will laugh at you if you use the wrong "its", "their", or "your".

I'm also good at playing Taboo, speed-reading, sleeping, losing things, getting lost, pissing people off, comforting my friends, following directions, using punctuation correctly, remembering songs from Sesame Street, almost falling over, moving to the back of the bus, withering sarcasm, memorizing music, on-the-fly parody lyrics, coloring inside the lines, and making you feel like a stud. I'm good with little kids (under 6) and with cats and dogs. I am VERY good at my job. And, as I like to say, "When I'm good, I'm very, very good... but when I'm bad, I'm better."

That I'm sparkly. Yes, literally. Every few days I dump some glitter over my head, shake, and call it good.

People also tend to comment on my purple hair in the sunlight, my flushed cheeks (Dutch genes may be winning out here), and what my T-shirt says.

Generally I have my nose stuck in a book. I will take a moment to comment: "Whatcha reading?" is not a good opening line. Neither is "That must be a good book." If you want me to talk to you, find something better.

I read for pleasure. If you don't, we will have nothing in common that is important enough to make me overlook that.

When I was little, I wouldn't go to sleep without books in my crib. I read lots of books only once and then pass them on. With fiction, I'll try the first chapter of anything. My bookshelf of keepers includes Stephen King, David Weber, John Ringo, Sheri S. Tepper, Sharyn McCrumb, Anne Bishop, Gene Stratton Porter, and Tristan Taormino. I keep running across fiction by Orson Scott Card that I like despite his politics. I cry -- easily and often -- over stories about pets, even if they're from Chicken Soup for the Soul. Books by Anne Lamott, Rachel Naomi Remen, and Sara Miles make me laugh out loud, make me cry, and make me want to be a better person. My brain popcorn includes Mercedes Lackey and Laurell K. Hamilton. (Yes. The shaming may now begin.)

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I rarely watch movies in the theater, but I've started keeping a Netflix instant queue. I'm curious as to what you've seen recently. Not having a television, I don't see trailers, so titles pop up at me with little to no context. Fill me in!

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I will take meaningful lyrics by themselves, but I prefer music that is singable. I spent my childhood performing in musical theatre. I was over the moon when I discovered AccuBroadway's Simply Sondheim channel. My online radio channel is made up of 90s country, recent and Tony-nominated show tunes, Motown, 60s girl groups, and singer-songwriter-comedians.

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I'm a picky eater. (That's the "other" under Diet on my profile.) This makes my constant association with foodies a little difficult at times. We manage, though. I can find SOMETHING on pretty much any menu, and I'll keep my mouth shut about whatever weird thing you're trying. That said, I regularly indulge in various forms of North Indian, Mediterranean, and American cuisine. I have been eating sushi since I could talk.

I'm a California girl, and I've been spoiled growing up with fresh produce available year-round. I like things kept fresh and simple: not too many flavors mixed together, not too spicy, not too done up. Chevre, a ripe tomato or two, and a baguette: picnic perfection. I like sourdough, chocolate, garlic, and salmon to excess. Also, I will rarely say no to ice cream. But I don't like "weird" ice cream flavors; I'm quite clear on that. My current yum: garlic potato spears from the Whole Foods buffet. Formerly ricanelas (cinnamon ice cream with snickerdoodle chunks) from Bi-Rite Creamery and cornbread from Elite Cafe before that.

I don't cook very often: I follow directions well enough, but I have no instinct for food, and I am uninspired. (Strangely, I really like cooking competition shows like Top Chef, Master Chef, and Hell's Kitchen.) I LOVE it when others cook for me. I do dishes!

*touch: Massage, cuddling, hugs... I am a tactile sort.
*cats: I have two. My cats are generally raised with more indulgence than discipline... so they turn into snuggly bratty kitties like me.
*my little red phone: Its QWERTY keyboard keeps me connected to my people via texting and email. I don't like to talk on the phone, though; I get more than enough of that at work.
*hairbrush: I love having my hair brushed.
*books: I am hard on them. They come with me on the train and in the bathtub, and I lose them. I should visit the library more often (and I should keep better track of where I put my books). Much of my childhood allowance was spent on overdue fines. The best part about working at Borders during college was the employee discount. If I were more responsible, I might get a Kindle. But I'm the type who leaves her phone in the taxi on the way to the airport. More than once. Per trip.
*public transportation: I don't drive. It's not a character flaw, but it can be inconvenient. Muni drives me crazy sometimes, but it's a love-hate relationship. BART is much more reliable.

domestic dreams. (There's this wedding thing coming up...) I'd like to buy a house in the next few years. Walking (or quick bussing) distance to BART. At least 1.5 bathrooms. Hardwood floors throughout (including in the master bedroom, even if that means we turn one of the other bedrooms into the master). Space to plant veggies. In-house laundry. A kitchen island for my love (or an open layout conducive to socializing with the cook). A guest room. Space for the babies.

Yeah, I'm like that right now.

boring as hell. I confess that I've become one of those people who are worn out from a long week at work and want to grab some dinner, curl up with a sweetie (lacking someone that comfortable, I'll settle for a cat or stuffed animal), and read or watch mindless television on Hulu.

On a Saturday afternoon, however, I might be...
*rearranging boxes and house furnishings, trying to create storage space
*walking around my new neighborhood
*rehearsing for an upcoming concert
*getting my claws polished
*crossing things off my to-do list
*kissing and cuddling
*sleeping (I believe in the power of naps!)

My childhood memories smell like Aquanet and pancake base.

you don't have complicated expectations.

My expectations: that you will be able to string a few sentences together, that you'll be polite, that we'll have something in common. If you've read to the end of this whole profile, and you still want to message me, include some lyrics that mean something to you, and I'll write back.