UPDATE ON THINGS THAT ARE NOT COOL ACCORDING TO ME: On the first date do NOT ask me to toss your salad. 2nd and equally as important on the first date: do NOT attempt or even consider trying to spidermonkey my butthole. Stay away from mine and I want to stay away from yours. That's the deal. I can't believe that I even have to say that.
I am really really weird. People meet me thinking this girls a little weird. No, chances are I will be a big shock to your system. It's not my fault if you get diarrhea. This is not my fault. I'm saying I'm really really fucking weird. I might be fucked up because I don't know any other girls who read Charles Bukowski and say "I think this guy might be my dad."