...and the Muffin of Doom.

I'm the guy you'd want with you if you were lost in a jungle with a wounded tiger cub. And for some reason all the other animals want to eat the cub. And maybe there's an animal hospital and the tiger's parents just outside the jungle. Basically I'm selling myself on good navigation and confidence that I could outwit most other species (except snakes, I don't do well with snakes. Well, the biting kind. The hugging kind are adorable).

A few years ago I struck out West, much like the 19th Century settlers in their covered wagons. Unlike the settlers, no one was born and nobody died of dysentery. The cats meowed a lot though.

I'm pleased to say I spend only a healthy amount of time on Reddit.

I judge a high five based on how long I can still feel it after the initial impact. A high five is not remarkable unless I can feel it for a good five seconds.

I don't take anything seriously (except for serious things), and I've learned to suppress my natural grammar Nazi tendencies because seriously, who cares?

At any given time I am:

♣ making/editing sound effects
♦ teaching guitar
♠ biking
♥ playing board, video, or card games with friends
♣ mixing/recording sound on a film shoot
♦ learning a new classical guitar piece
♠ boxing
♥ out at a party
♣ writing a song
♦ watching colors on a screen
♠ being "outdoorsy" (read: hiking, beach, desert)

My career, my position in life, the place where I live. All of these things are important to me, but they all come second place to whom I choose to spend my time with. I can have fun in most places, doing most things as long as I have somebody there who I care about.

I'm really good at slowly learning how to box. I have kick-ass honesty (I'm sorry but I don't care for Harry Potter or Yoga), and when my hair is long I can pass for Jewish. I'm really good at making people feel good, but that's not special because all it requires is a strong desire to do so.

But also recognizing character actors, problem-solving, problem-creating, finding Waldo, making music, teaching, board games, watching movies, plugging things into other things to see what they do, Agnosticism (I'm actually really good at not knowing LOTS of things), making ravioli from scratch, acting like a velociraptor, hunting in packs, flanking my prey, & learning to open doors.

"Excuse me, sir? Yes. Yes, you. I know we're blocking the entryway and I'm certain you'd like to get those groceries to the car, but..." (Backs up a step, arms wide) "What's the first thing you notice about me?"

"What?"

Apparently the first thing people notice about me is what.

Books -
Of the month: Infinite Jest, Wheel of Time
Ever: The Diamond Age, The Stranger

Movies -
Of the month: Beasts of the Southern Wild, The Wrestler
Ever: The Man Who Wasn't There, The Royal Tenenbaums

Shows -
Of the month: The West Wing, Downton Abbey
Ever: The Wire, Six Ft Under, Star Trek, Arrested Development.
I tried, OK?

Music -
Of the month: Buke and Gase, The Dirty Projectors
Ever: Built to Spill, The Books

1. Thing.
2. The Thing.
3. Swamp Thing.
4. Thing Thing Thing, by Louith Prima (I actually hate Big Band for largely personal reasons).
5. Things that go bump in the night.
6. That thing you do.

There's an Emerson quote I've been thinking about and putting into practice lately:

"Speak what you think today in hard words, and speak what tomorrow thinks in words just as hard, though they contradict everything you said today."

Also, contradictions in general.

Take Los Angeles, for example. One of the most health conscious cities in America which also happens to have a love affair with stores that sell nothing but cupcakes.

With you, it's a quiet night in a moonlit canal. It's raining, but so lightly that the droplets evaporate even as they brush against our snug canopy, making the strangest noise. We mix light banter with intimate laughter and coy smiles, without embarrassment for the proximity of our pilot. HE IS AN AUTOMATON. Quietly we hear the dulcet, plaintive tones of a street performer plying his trade on the cool night boardwalk. "How did he get that piano out here?" we wonder, though we are both too cool to bring it up. As the cry of a lonely seagull wafts in to play a lazy counterpoint, we carve our initials in the side of the gondola.

Without you, it's the Four B's:

Beer, Board Games, Bromance (I never say that in real life), and Bumble.

For awhile in high school, I had a crush on Björk.

Hunter? Hyperballad? Yes. And oh man, Possibly Maybe...

Remember that Beauty and the Beast tv show from the 80's where the Beast lives in the sewers and is Ron Perlman? Yeah, me too.

I like adventures and in-ventures.

Sometimes I like to be playfully sarcastic, so if you do also, then it MIGHT COME OFF AS BITCHY AND MAYBE YOU SHOULD BE MORE CONSIDERATE. Ahem. Also, it means we might have fun together.