I'm actually a SPOOKY SKELETON wearing a flesh suit.
No but so, I have a girlfriend: Anais_Sagan. I love her more than pizza (this is the highest honor I can bestow). We're polyamorous.
I'm divorced, and I have a daughter. She's three years old, and she loves rocket ships and poop jokes.
OK BUT SO HERE'S WHAT I'M LIKE THOUGH:
People tell me I'm good at empathy. I consider things from as many different angles as possible. I'm thoughtful to a fault, and I can sometimes get trapped in my own head.
I'm goofy. I wear weird clothes and I'm really into animated gifs. I play Dungeons and Dragons. I'm seriously funny, though sometimes I'm the only one who thinks so. I like silliness and cute things. I'm a grown man who really likes ponies and unicorns, but I don't identify as a brony. I'm not above making a lame pun. I have a life-size skeleton in my apartment that I use for a coat rack.
I'm into literature and linguistics and polysyndeton and I love to play with language. I spend a lot of time on my computer. I like to be different, even when that's dumb. I love irony unironically. Pink is my favorite color. I own a bunch of funny domain names on the internet (e.g. happypuppypals.com).
I sneeze like a dog who forgot how to bark right.
I'm an annoying mix of cold logic and hot emotion. I strive for moderation in all things, and my philosophy has been strongly influenced by Aristotle's Nicomachean Ethics. I like to say stuff that I think makes me sound smart. I was a pretty devoutly religious guy for a while, but I'm over it.
I like to invent new emoticons. ,':Y
(I call that "The Intrigued Duck".)