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loricarsonfan

38 M Seattle, WA

My Details

Last Online
Jun 24
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 9″ (1.75m)
Body Type
Athletic
Diet
Mostly other
Smokes
No
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Never
Religion
Atheism
Sign
Cancer, but it doesn’t matter
Education
University
Job
Banking / Finance
Income
Rather not say
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids, and doesn’t want any
Pets
Likes dogs and likes cats
Speaks
English (Poorly)

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My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Cliffs Notes: I'm a silly, shy, sarcastic kid who wants little more than to make people laugh and enjoy themselves. On a less serious note I'm also the best guy ever so you should totally date me (though it could be argued that I'm not THEE most objective source on the matter.) Please understand that though there is plenty of humor in my profile (and my life) I'm not being glib. I take finding someone special seriously, it's life itself that I don't take overly seriously, thus the love of humor, laughter, and levity. :)

I am the kind of man your mother's always hoped you'd bring home to meet her, trapped in the body of the man she's always warned you about. ;)

Having fun is one of my very favorite things to do. I also like partying, enjoying myself, and good times. If you do too perhaps we're compatible. :)

I am willing to allow a mate to warm her feet on the back of my calves or lower back in bed.

Most of my little nieces and nephews call me “Uncle The Chuckman” when they’re being good, and “Uncle The Tickle-Monster” when they want to be chased and tickled relentlessly.

I believe in three things; something, something else, and the Oxford comma.

I'm a long list of complimentary adjectives, you're a long list of complimentary adjectives, let's tell our friends that means we 'have a lot in common.' ;)

I’m a little bit old fashioned and a lot Tom Collinsed. ;)

I believe that if you don’t print on both sides of paper it’s tantamount to kicking a tree right in the nuts!

I’m not a right-winged nutjob, nor am I a left-winged nutjob. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still a nutjob, I’m just flightless. ;)

I may be the 747 of gentlemen, but I still put my pants on like everybody else, one jetlag at a time. :p

I'm so in touch with my feelings that sometimes strangers walk by and tell me to "get a room." :p

I am biodegradable, so if you care about the environment even a little bit you should totally date me. ;)

I’m not a workaholic, I just love the taste of workohol.

Napping is my second favorite holiday activity; next to sleeping of course. :p

I’m a big fan of self-deprecating humor; but I’m not very good at it. ;)

I’m an atheist, and I think God is punishing me for it. ;)

I’ve learned that it’s best to wait until at least the second date before trying the ol’ “headlock of love” on a girl. :p (“Say you’ll be my girlfriend and I’ll let you out of the headlock.”) ;)

Don’t worry, I’ve scheduled some time for us to be spontaneous from 16:02 to 16:13 hundred hours.

I have a penchant for pretentious French words.

I’m considering starting a trendy core strengthening fitness center AND coffee house combination so people can get their coffee on while taking the weight off. Naturally, it will be named “Pilattes.” ...actually, it will be one of those hybrid businesses that converts to a bar at night. In the evenings the regulars will call it “Lincoln’s” for short, but its official name is “Sore Core and Seven Beers Ago.”

I hope to someday own a discount male wig shop named "A Small Price Toupee." :p

If I ever open a headhunting agency I intend to name it “Aficionados Aficionados.”

I invented the worlds first spicy wine by dropping one of those hot green peppers into a bottle of red; I call it a "JalaPinot Noir." :D

I believe the serving size of a can of Original Pringles is “1.”

I’m a peskatarian the vast majority of the year, with the odd exception of certain “high holy-days.” (I.E. The Super-Bowl, March Madness, etc.)

I’m shallow on so many different levels that it arguably makes me deep.

I am given to excessive use of emoticons. ;) (See!) :p

I’m better at being entertaining in a group setting rather than one on one; I’m like a comedic sniper, no good at the hand to hand of perpetuating a conversation, but I can lob some really deadly jokes into the fray. :)

I believe that being intolerant of the intolerant doesn’t make you tolerant. Doesn’t make me like the intolerant either though. :/

I often can’t read my own handwriting. :/

To the best of my knowledge I made up the emoticon “:/”

I am a wave without a shore to crash upon.

If you’re going to try to get in a battle of awesomeness with me, I’ve got to be honest, I don’t like your chances. ;)

I believe there are two kinds of people in this world, and there is absolutely no difference between either of them.

I like calling people who enjoy yoga "yogurts" (despite realizing that "yogi" is the preferred nomenclature) and referring to folks who use twitter as "twits."

If I ever have a full-scale catering business that expanded from a confectionery it will be named “Revenge.” It’s motto will be: “Revenge: It’s not ‘just desserts’ anymore.” :p

I've been told by a lot of women that I'm "just not boyfriend material." I contend that I am in fact boyfriend material, they have all just chosen really hideous patterns! ...Wow, that joke was 'sew' bad. :D (Seriously though, find me another man on this site that has a sewing joke in his profile.) :p

I've also been told my loquaciousness is nothing to “verboast” about. :p

I think it’s tragic and almost unbelievable that human society has not evolved/adapted to have more words for “Love.” It’s not at all the same. There should be more words for the different kinds/iterations of love than there are Eskimo words for snow.

I’ve been told I’m a great guy and going to make “some lucky girl very happy one day,” more times than I care to tally; generally by gorgeous girls who I’m totally twitterpated with who are apparently invariably on a very ‘unlucky’ streak. :p
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Procrastinating mostly. :p Trying to become "more minimalist." ;)

Pursuing the not-so-proud tradition of 'starving artistry.' So far I've got the starving part down, but the art is apparently 'not appreciated in my time.' :p I’m theoretically writing the great American novel, and screenplay, and stage play. Short examples of my stuff can be found here: http://unrequitedfilms.blogspot.com/ (If you somehow don't feel this profile is far more than enough reading/info.) ;)

I own a really cute little condo. Due to home ownership I’ve discovered, much to my surprise, that I have some skill and affinity for carpentry, or more accurately fixer-upper-ntry. :)

I have taken massage courses, own my own table, and enjoy giving free massages to my friends and family for feedback/practice. Hopefully it will prove to be an excellent fringe benefit for a girlfriend some day. *blush*
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Massage, puns, seeing things differently than most (but keeping my opinion to myself unless asked.) I'm especially good at staying up past my intended bed-time and regretting it the next day at work. :/
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Big goofy grin.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Atlas Shrugged, The Fountainhead, The Virtue of Selfishness, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. All of Harry Harrison's books. Anything by Dave Barry. The Sweet Hereafter. The Timetraveler's Wife.

The Princess Bride, Love Actually, Stupid Crazy Love, Cyrano De Bergerac, Keith, Trust, About a Boy, Shawshank Redemption, Dead Poets Society, Swingers, Brick, Little Miss Sunshine, Garden State, United States of Leland, (a far more robust list available upon request.)

Radiohead, Trespassers William, Sigur Ros, Lori Carson, Audio Slave, Dave Matthews Band. To name but a few.

Firefly, The Office, Sports Night, Sportscenter, any/all live sports, House, How I Met Your Mother, Grey's Anatomy, My So Called Life, Family Guy, Simpsons, South Park, The Bachelor/Bachelorette, Survivor.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
I could probably do without most things if I had to, but six things I appreciate and would rather not HAVE to do without:

Quiet and alone time.

Good friends to bounce thoughts off of.

Laughter.

My iPhone/email/internet access.

Freedom/choice/independence.

A muse.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Stories I want to write or film.

Sadly politics. I wish I didn't, but I do. I hate both sides so very much. :( It keeps me up at night.

Could a relationship between a con-artist and a stonemason ever really work, or would he eventually take her for granite? ;)

Are there any home schools that have mascots?

Is typing technically a form of sign language?

What good is amassing all of these nuclear arms if we don't exercise them regularly by hugging someone to death, or snuggling them right off the face of the planet?! ;)
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Grabbing food and/or a beer with some friends. Seeing a band live in Fremont, Ballard, or Capital Hill. Watching, playing, or attending a sporting event. Theater, opera, musicals, et al. Netflix. I like to do something social and fun on Fridays if I'm not too exhausted from the week; if you pack enough excitement into that one evening then by Monday it feels like you had a 3 day weekend. :)
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I tend to agree with Samuel Clemens’ (Mark Twain) famous quote “It takes an awfully uninteresting person to spell things just one way.” :D (Mostly because I can't spell.) :p

I’m not very good at remembering logins and passwords for websites etc that I don’t visit very often. On the rare occasion I do manage to figure it out and log back in it’s nothing short of an “alphanumiracle.” ;)

The thing I miss the most about the 80s is the expertly crafted use of sarcasm punctuation "not." ...NOT!

Occasionally when I’m really happy about the food I’m about to eat (see also: chocolate muffins from Flying Apron Bakery) I’ll do a little dance of joy. No, I won’t demonstrate, like a panda in captivity I won’t do it if I think anyone is watching. :p

I'm "indoorsy" check out this awesome video for a better explanation: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZdqIpYhM6PE&feature=youtu.be
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 18–58
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You like to laugh and find me funny. If you're sweet, small, and skilled (or willing to become so) in snuggling while watching movies together regularly. You don’t mind letting me ply my massaging trade on you for practice. You enjoy simple nights in, cooking for one another and such. You’re okay with football being a legitimate priority in my life (non-negotiable.) You own one or more pairs of gloriously snug yoga pants. :D