I have a shirt that says World's Best Grandma and I sometimes wear
it to get stares. I want my last photo to be of me near death in
the hospital smiling with my middle finger up. I get royalties for
the character of Steve Urkel. I CAN eat just one Lay's potato chip
as long as it's as big as a pizza. I am one of the world's finest
practitioners of Yo Mama jokes. I'm not always law abiding,
sometimes I break the laws of gravity and dance on my ceiling.
What I’m doing with my life
Going on Craigslist and advertising that I have a free flat screen
TV I'd like to give away, but then when the person comes over, I
talk in a fake Italian accent and say "Oh you looking for Pepe,
I’m really good at
Getting ketchup from glass bottles, coming up with stuff to say on
The first things people usually notice about me
I have the exact same voice as Barney the purple dinosaur.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: Master of the Senate, War and Peace, 1984. Any pop-up book
will suffice unless its something gross like Barbara Bush.
Movies: Trainspotting, Ghost World, SLC Punk, Best Years of Our
Lives, Back to the Future, Barfly. I don't go to the movies
anymore, the girls always leave their guys to sit near me so I'm
banned from all the major theatre chains.
Music: loads of punk, metal and rock. Cheap Trick, Buzzcocks,
Ramones, Pulp, David Bowie, Dokken, Oasis, Manic Street Preachers,
that "meow meow meow meow" song
Food: shmoke and a pancake
The six things I could never do without
opening theme of Miami Vice and rule breaking so I won't list six
I spend a lot of time thinking about
if Bert and Ernie are made of sponge, how come they don't absorb
all the water in the bathtub? Is that really spinach Popeye stuffs
in his pipe and how come Popeye's don't serve spinach?
On a typical Friday night I am
riding around in my zeppelin, throwing lavish parties at my house,
a dumpster behind a 7-11.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
When I hear a loud whistle, I slide down a dinosaur's tail and go
"yabba dabba doo!"
You should message me if
You just want to do fun things like going around slapping bald
people on the head.
I get a lot of mail so if I don't get back to you too quickly keep
hope alive lol.
NO TEA PARTIERS!!!!!!
(except if you mean like the one where you have a pretty tea pot
and eat watercress sandwiches and junk, that's ok by me.)
If you have something on your profile that says "don't contact me
if you don't know the difference between your/you're" then DO NOT
CONTACT ME! If you're such an uptight control freak that bad
grammar and foreigners who don't speak English perfectly send you
into a flying rage, I want no part of you in my life.