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23 F Sacramento, CA

My Details

Last Online
Mar 9
5′ 4″ (1.63m)
Body Type
Mostly anything
Agnosticism, and laughing about it
Libra, and it’s fun to think about
Working on university
Rather not say
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Doesn’t have kids
Has dogs and has cats
English (Fluently), Hebrew (Poorly), French (Okay), Yiddish (Poorly)

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My self-summary
My date for tomorrow Thursday 3/6/14 cancelled on me. I'm already in "okc date mode" so, who wants to take me out instead?

I'm having a quarter life crisis, and I'm not Mila Kunis.
That's a good way to start off a dating profile right?

After no deliberation whatsoever I have decided to re write this thing, so bare with me, or bear with me, or bare bear with me.

Now to summarize myself in a short paragraph for random men on the internet to scrutinize and judge, and decide if I am worth getting to know in real life.

I enjoy mass amounts of sarcasm, witty banter, and being completely inappropriate at the most appropriate of times.

Contrary to my rather extensive list of idiotic endeavors I can actually hold a mostly intelligent conversation, that is until you try and bore me to death with your ego.

So far I'm not doing too well here am I? Lets try a new category.
What I’m doing with my life
Sadly, along with the cold weather came the demise of my flashing career.

I'm currently debating with myself over A. returning to school B. joining the police academy, then returning to school or C. saying fuck all of this, packing a small bag, and heading to every country I can.

Edit: I picked C.

Edit #2: I had to use my traveling funds to pay off my ridiculous amount of parking tickets.
I’m really good at
Parallel parking. Seriously, I'm a parallel parking savant.

Using the word literally, cooking, drinking gin, animal whispering, getting out of tickets, being a decent human being, not making up my mind, being genuinely strange, being genuine in general, genuflecting to generous gentlemen.

The first things people usually notice about me
My sexy down syndrome, my hair, smile, or my bodacious behind.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: American Psycho, Dante's inferno, and the song of fire and ice series. If I'm in the mood for extra intellectual stimulation I bust out good ol Junie B Jones.

Movies: Pulp Fiction, Fight Club, all sorts of psychological thrillers, anything and everything that has the potential to make me pee my pants.

Shows: The league, Its always sunny, Archer, Death Note, What's my Line, Cartoons, Most things on Adult Swim.

Music/Food: I'm the least picky person about both. I will eat and listen to just about anything.
The six things I could never do without
Biggest question here, should I go the snarky literal route? Or tell you how I love love and rainbows and puppies.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Why my okcupid questions make me look like such a sex crazed douche bag.

Beards. Holy fuck I love beards.
On a typical Friday night I am
Doing hoodrat things with my friends, or watching scary movies in the dark with my dogs.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I have a account.
I actually am a sex crazed douche bag.
I have a completely irrational fear of being poked in the armpit.

I'm a fucking huge niners fan, felt the need to put this in here, cause if you don't like might just hate me.
I’m looking for
  • Straight guys only
  • Ages 23–50
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
You want to go roller skating with me, you own a pair of handcuffs, you're spontaneous, you have a beard (or can grow one), you have a fetish for sociopaths, you genuinely love your life, you like to get tropical, you aren't looking for someone to knock up and/or marry anytime soon, you are intrigued by D/s relationships, you are willing to do weird things for small-no amounts of cash. Preferably you take I.O.Us, you know that was sarcasm, you think maybe it might not actually be sarcasm. You want my bod. And of course if you're just bored and have a really exciting story you would like to share with me, i'll even take moderately exciting. winky face.