Two men shipwrecked on an island are captured by cannibals. The chief informs them the only way to avoid becoming dinner is to undergo the �Ordeal of Fruit�. The men accept at once, and the chief sends them into the jungle to collect 100 pieces of fruit and bring them back to him. The first man comes back with 100 grapes. The chief says that if he can shove all the grapes up his arse without giggling then he will be free. But no sooner has the first grape reached his butt than the man bursts out laughing. �What�s so funny?� the chief asks. �Don�t you realize we�re going to kill you now?� �I�m sorry,� the sailor replies. �It�s just that my friend is collecting pineapples.�

I work 40+ hours a week (yeah, I know, whoopty-fuckin-doo), I'm raising a divinely intelligent yet smart-mouthed son, and dating the most awesome man alive.

Can I really put blow jobs here? Just kidding. (Or am I??).... hmmmm I'm good at spelling (who gives a shit), photography (visit http://raven-unkind.deviantart.com/gallery to find out for yourself), cooking, uhhhhh.... I dunno.

Physically? Shit I dunno... Usually at work I'm smiling my ass off at the customers, while driving I'm grumpy (yes I'm the obligatory Texan with road rage), while with my man I'm usually pretty giddy and goofy.

Hmm... let's see... <br>(a) The Sleeping Beauty Trilogy by A. N. Roquelaure (the nome de plume of Anne Rice) is on my bedside table right now. I've read through it twice and it still amazes me. It's basically my bible now o~___^o... uhhh... love the Tad Williams Otherland series, but I have to involve so much time when reading it so I haven't done so lately... Anything philosophical or even allegorical will keep my attention, granted my attention span rivals that of a clam. I could just be cheap and read off the titles on my bookshelf... The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis, The Republic by Plato, The Awakening by Chopin, The Songs of Distant Earth by Arthur C. Clarke, Sphere by Michael Crichton... actually alot of books by Crichton, so that shall be my token, various Buddhist scriptures, random old Lit textbooks, etc. Whew! <br>(b)Absolutely anything starring either Angelina Jolie or Jennifer Tilly or both... Brazil, Kung Pow! Enter the Fist, This is Spinal Tap, Labyrinth (oh, hush, you know you drooled over David Bowie's leather pants in that movie), ehhh... not too much of a movie buff, but you get the pic. <br>(c)Mainly 80's garbage, Depeche Mode, U2 to name the top, lots of hip/hop (as my mom would call it "strip club music"), anything except country to be exact. <br>(d)Sushi. Can you say unagi? Knew ya could. o^___^o Mmmm...

1. My son, Logan. 2. My man Q. 3. Strip clubs. Oh yeah. 4. All my (6) animals. 5. Porn. 6. Depeche Mode.

Other women's breasts. Yup. Either just in appreciation or jealousy... I'm still trying to talk my boss into paying for my breast implants... muahahahahhhh

That depends... if it's the ex's weekend to watch my son I may be out with my girls, spending time w/ Q, whatever just to have fun. But if not I'm normally spending time with my son or playing Neopets. I know. It's a sad obsession.

Hearing the song Shake it Like a Salt Shaker by the Yin Yang Twins reminds me of my first lap dance.... *blush*

You are obsessed with Bettie Page/Angelina/Jennifer Tilly/Aria Giovanni... any of the afore-mentioned sexy women will do. Or if you're Robyn and you're whacking me repeatedly over the head with an oversized rubber dildo. o__O