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lyle_malarky

28 F South Hadley, MA

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 8:44pm
Orientation
Bisexual
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 9″ (1.75m)
Body Type
Curvy
Diet
Anything
Smokes
No
Drinks
Rarely
Drugs
Never
Religion
Atheism, and laughing about it
Sign
Libra, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Dropped out of university
Job
Other
Income
Rather not say
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Doesn’t want kids
Pets
Likes dogs and has cats
Speaks
English (Fluently), Spanish (Poorly), Japanese (Poorly)

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My self-summary
My liege, and madam, to expostulate
What majesty should be, what duty is,
Why day is day, night night, and time is time
Were nothing but to waste night, day, and time.
Therefore, since brevity is the soul of wit
And tediousness the limbs and outward flourishes,
I will be brief.

I'm...

* a bluebird and a liar.

* fond of adventures, but also prone to attacks of The Lazy.

* an avid letter-writer. Yes, snail mail.

* so into reading that it makes my ex-boyfriend/current-friend-friend super jealous, and he tells me to stop whoring around with my books. This is problematic because many of these books are underaged, but he still insists I'm whoring with them.

* probably going to be reported missing by concerned librarians one day for failing to show up at the library for an entire week.

* a high-functioning introvert. I love being around people, but I need alone time to function.

* always going to love my cats more than you, even if you are The One.

* a jerk who likes messing with my cats by playing YouTube videos of squeaking frogs that upset them, until they walk around my computer hunting for the frog and mewing. I am also guilty of sharing their humiliation with distant strangers via the intarwebs.

* tenacious, zany, candid, and irreverent.

* a little shy at first, on occasion. Don't be too surprised if I am not terribly zany on the first date.

I have a morbid and highly offensive sense of humor, and the following things make me laugh:

* The Duke's speech in Measure for Measure where he convinces a man convicted to death that death is actually pretty great and life stinks.

* The way that speech actually works. Until Claudio's sister tells him he's got a chance at life if she, a nun, does the nasty with the duke's stand-in (the real duke is dressed as a monk seeing what his city is really like, and talking convicts into desiring death). Damn, Shakespeare is demented and awesome.

* Awful "your mom" jokes that you don't even realize are awful until they're out of your mouth, e.g.:
Person one: "My sink is expulsive when it's turned on."
Person two: "Your mom is expulsive when she's turned on!"

* Making my best friends stalkerly valentines, with poems about beheadings, drawings of anatomical hearts, and references to Poe.
What I’m doing with my life
I'm taking some time off school and writing every day, plus doing volunteer work.

Reading. Writing book reviews: http://thebookhermit.wordpress.com/
I’m really good at
* making cupcakes. I am known to some as the cupcake fairy. :)

* making friends with cats and dogs. And apparently winning over goats, irascible parrots, and the chipmunks in my parents' backyard.

* seeing the good in people, in all seriousness. I can find something to like about almost anyone if we talk long enough.

* psychobabble, acing standardized tests, sudoku and other logic puzzles, leaving awkward voicemail messages, and over-thinking things.
The first things people usually notice about me
Judging by the guy who rescued me from digging my car out of the snow the other day (with a "heyyy pretty lady"), either that I'm a blonde with pigtails, or that I'm walking around outside without a coat. I swear I own one — it just isn't that flippin' cold. Or I am enjoying the cold. (One of my friends likes to say "Your Scandinavian is showing!" when I do this. Which would make complete sense if Holland was in Scandinavia.)
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: I read constantly, so it is hard to pick favorites, but I will try. The Curse Workers series or anything else by Holly Black, The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau-Banks, Watership Down, The Demolished Man, the Sabriel series and anything else by Garth Nix, Jasper Fforde, Neil Gaiman, Scott Westerfeld, Shakespeare (especially Hamlet... I can quote several speeches), Harry Potter, Broken Time, Ella Enchanted, Ultraviolet, The DSM-IV Casebook, The Hunger Games, Enchantment, Ender's Game, Lockwood & Co., Plain Kate, Dykes To Watch Out For (which is technically a comic, but whatever)... etc etc.

Words and phrases: phantasmagoria, apophenia, diaphanous, diasporic language, sesquipedalian, prolixious, euphonious, mellifluous, apeirophobia, crepuscular, esprit de l’escalier, sepulchral, somnolent, syzygy, paroxysm, gloaming

Movies: Stardust, V For Vendetta, The Boondock Saints, Better off Dead, Sin City, Pirates of the Caribbean, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Mean Girls, Resident Evil, Dogma, Coraline, Thelma & Louise, anything Pixar, anything Studio Ghibli, good bad chick flicks...

TV Shows: I don't have a TV and never have, but I watch shows on NetFlix. A few of my favorites: Gilmore Girls, Better Off Ted, Dollhouse, Coupling, Veronica Mars, 30 Rock, Leverage, Doctor Who, and Survivor. Currently, I'm addicted to Elementary, but I can totally quit any time I want.

Music: The Pillows, Coeur de Pirate, The Beatles, Splashdown, Thievery Corporation, Universal Hall Pass, The Decemberists, Anais Mitchell, Regina Spektor, a sprinkling of embarrassing pop, and a mix CD or two of rap. I cherry pick from many different genres - practically anything but opera or death metal. Also, I often buy random songs on iTunes and then forget what I'm listening to once I've burned it onto a CD.

Food: Sushi, steak, cupcakes, stuffed mushrooms, lemon butter kale, homemade eggs benedict, mangoes, avacados, tiramisu, and more. I am a huge fan of trying new kinds of food. Give me a recipe that calls for lotus root and I'll go find some and cook it. My latest discovery was grilled cheese with gouda, refried beans, pickled jalapeños, and guava jam (I was recreating something I had in NYC).
The six things I could never do without
Not counting obvious things like water, shelter, friends, and family, here are six things I would really rather not do without:

* Ideas for stories to write, and time alone to write.

* A nearby library, and time to read.

* A proper kitchen stocked for baking and cooking projects.

* My cats, because they make my world go round.

* Intellectualization, because it's my first line of defense when the s*** hits the fan. If I can understand things and analyze them, I can distance myself from them.

* Humor, because it's my second line of defense. Things always become less threatening if you can laugh at them. HAHAHA, DEATH AND TAXES, YOU ARE FUNNY!
I spend a lot of time thinking about
* If it's cradle-robbing to date someone younger than you, is it grave-robbing to date someone older than you?

* How I want to knock fictional characters' heads together and shout at them: "Stop being so stupid!"

* How do I begin writing whatever story is knocking around in my head at the moment?

* Out of the people who send me messages, what percentage actually read my profile? If you have read this paragraph, and you still want to send me a message, please work "flying monkeys" into it somehow.
On a typical Friday night I am
Relaxing and vegging out, often in my apartment and pretending snow does not exist!
I’m looking for
  • Guys and girls who like bi girls
  • Ages 23–40
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating
You should message me if
* You want to sweep me away in your space ship and show me the stars.

* You're a nerd, geek, dork, or any combination of the above.

* Tubing down a river sounds like a fabulous date, but dinner and a movie doesn't sound boring either.

* Especially if you would enjoy baking with me, or cooking Japanese food, or have a dish you could teach me how to make. Extra points if the prospect of making Swiss meringue buttercream doesn't scare the pants off you.

* You find it awesome and not at all pretentious that I like memorizing favorite Shakespeare speeches.

* You will never make jokes about wanting to shiv my cats. In fact, if you meet them, you'll pet them if they leap onto your lap, and respect their need for distance if they're feeling shy.

* You're not ready to settle down yet, but when you are, you would much rather raise a baby dragon than a child.