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the_cretin_hop

30 M Seattle, WA

My Details

Last Online
Today – 5:23am
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White, Other
Height
6′ 1″ (1.85m)
Body Type
Fit
Diet
Vegetarian
Smokes
No
Drinks
Rarely
Drugs
Religion
Judaism, and laughing about it
Sign
Pisces
Education
Dropped out of university
Job
Other
Income
$20,000–$30,000
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Mostly non-monogamous
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids, and doesn’t want any
Pets
Speaks
English, Hebrew, Other

Similar Users

My self-summary
There should be user reviews for this site, like on Yelp!
Here are a couple for me:

"He bought me dinner and had all of his teeth."

"I thought he was gay but it turns out he was just weird and well dressed."

"Perfect combination of east coast Jew and California white trash. There will definitely be a second date."

I'll take you skating and like, push dudes down.
What I’m doing with my life
I travel the country selling yogurt.
Really.
Think a 1920s carnival barker meets Willy Wonka...the snotty Gene Wilder one.

In past lives I have also taught yoga, done massage and danced ballet. I'd like to get back to those things in some form of collaborative installation/performance.

Also I'm a stand up comic.
Me and every other asshole in town right?
I’m really good at
Flipping tables.

I'm a great dancer and a laugh riot.
...
I can guess the number you're thinking of.
The first things people usually notice about me
A swarthy gentleman:

Tall. Slender. Smiths Belt Buckle.
Three piece suits cobbled together from various thrift store treasures.
I have excellent posture and glide when I walk.
...
Giant awful glasses. I'm positively dreamy when I take them off.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: Kurt Vonnegut, Dan Clowes...big tomes of crossword puzzles. I read a ton of graphic novels: Julie Doucet and Mary Fleener, please.

Music: Toys That Kill, Golden Triangle, Grass Widow, Bunnygrunt, Sterno Boys, Widowspeak, Grenadine, Bleached, and lets say Ruby Pins.

Foods: Vegetarian Delights. Good Indian buffet. I could live on falafel and tabouleh. I like to have a southern breakfast every day: biscuits and gravy, grits, soysage...

Give me all your coffee.
The six things I could never do without
1. there
2. is
3. A Light
4. that
5. never
6. Goes Out
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Mashed potatoes.
Also the dance the mashed potato.

Cute girls and acrobatics and high kicks.
On a typical Friday night I am
Staying up way too late doing backbends.
I typically tend to be more of a morning person.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I once won a pie eating contest.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 22–52
  • Near me
  • For new friends, short-term dating
You should message me if
You're funny and you want to be around funny people. Let's collaborate on something hilarious or moving or offensive.

We could also listen to music and hold hands or something
...
Wanna get dinner? I could eat...