The Traces of Yesterday
No matter how deep the wounds once were that left behind the scars that remain, they serve now but only as a shadow of what came before. Your response to these scars may for a time be nothing but tears, haunting memories, and the remembrance of the sting that at one point was felt so deeply you thought the pain would never end. But there will come a day, as time goes by, and as you soldier on in pursuit of the peace and enlightenment which your soul was made to discover, that a scar becomes an unmistakable badge of character. It becomes a treasure; a marker of your distinct journey. For this scar, whether visible on your skin or inflicted upon your heart, which at a time you viewed as nothing but a loathsome memento of your former self, as a thing to be hidden from all the world, that very thing now serves as an indelible reminder, even as a trophy of your story that belongs only to one. Without it, you would not be who the person you were meant to become; and who you have become is beautiful.
The link below this paragraph is to a song I wrote on 1-1-2013. It's a song about love, heartbreak, purpose, and hope. This is a preliminary rough recording of just me singing with a guitar in a continuous take into a handheld audio recorder. So, the volume levels are pretty low overall, so crank up those levels. I'm excited for what's coming out of my heart these days, and I feel like this a good way to start what I hope will finally be my journey into sharing my story through music with others. Cheers to a stellar year ahead...
Here's hoping you like words...I love to write, so once I get going it's kind of hard to stop...if you don't, then, well, ummm...whatever. Guess I'm screwed. By the way, I feel I come off way more serious when I write than I am in reality. I guess it's hard to accurately convey lightheartedness and humor when I write without being a total dork or using tons of unecessary smiley faces and crap like that. Most of communication is non-verbal anyway with tone of voice and facial expression being crucial to understanding a person. You lose that when you just have words. But you do have the power of more in-depth description...here I go over-explaining myself and only making my already lengthy profile even longer. STOP MATT. Stop typing this needless intro. REALLY. Damn you're verbose. I CAN'T SEEM TO HELP IT.
By the way, I HATE this online thing. But, I think I hate it even less than just trying to meet a girl in the bar. That NEVER freakin works. EVER. Being a guy, I'm obviously very visual, but I am more aware than ever that looks matter an exponentially smaller amount than most guys are willing to admit. I have to be with a person of depth. I think I especially hate the online thing because so many of the girls I've met through here are like, "Thank GOD you're normal." Then they share some story that makes me wanna puke on how they get treated by guys on here all the time. For all of MAN-kind, I'm truly sorry you have to put up with so much bullshit. I actually called this one total jerk on the phone a couple of weeks ago who was totally stalking this sweet girl I met on here (who unfortunately for me lives in Florida). I tore him a new one and said he'd better get his shit straight ASAP and leave her alone. He did and hasn't bugged her since. I'm kind of a boss like that I guess. By the way, I'm friends now with the girl on Facebook and we even text and talk sometimes. I'm cool like that, so if I write you, please don't feel like you have to over think writing me back. I realize you're not accepting my marriage proposal. I think everyone takes all this WAY too seriously. Ugh. Why can't this process of finding someone to share life with be even just SLIGHTLY less of a major pain in the ass? If you can tell me, I'd love to hear. In fact, it actually makes for an awesome topic of conversation.
STOP MATT. Get to the other stuff a girl needs to know about you before she'll even reply to you. Here I go talking to myself again...it's usually not out loud so much in the schizophrenic way, but I'm always conversing with myself. Anyway...
The Adjective Alphabet of Me: Atypical. Brash. Curious. Decisive. Evolving. Funny. Gregarious. Hopeful. Intelligent. Jovial. Keen. Loyal. Musical. Noble. Original. Passionate. Quixotic. Resilient. Sarcastic. Talented. Understanding. Vocal. Witty. Xylophonic (there are literally NO meaningful adjectives beginning with the letter X). Youthful. Zealous.
Art over Science
Pleasure over Business
Authenticity over Appearances
Optimism over Pessimism
Peace over Hostility
Challenging over Easy
Order over Chaos
Beer over Liquor
Hugs over Handshakes
Humor over Austerity
Country over City
Risk over Caution
Music over...pretty much anything else (I have a massive list of my favorite artists below. I'm neurotic about my music...just look in the list and see if some of your personal faves are buried in there...)
I believe it's virtually impossible to live a life of meaning with an over-emphasis either on the past or the future. Carpe Diem (seize the day) is a huge mantra for me. Just trying to suck the marrow out of the bones of life and want to be with someone who feels the same. I'm a person who knows pain and loves life anyway. Hoping for great things in my future and am excited for what's in store.
Most days, the right side of my brain is in the driver's seat and I find my thoughts going to wading through the beauty and pain of life and ache to get home after work to pull out one of my guitars. I have 6 guitars, but I usually play my Taylor 6-string which is an absolute instrumental gem. I love writing, playing, and discovering music. I'm not gonna lie, I can sing most people under the table and that's one of the things I like most about myself. I realize it's a gift from God and I've been reminded recently that NOT using my musical gifts is a shameful waste. Music is like oxygen for me.
There are days where I feel more engaged by my left brain and think I might end up running some big company or something because I have a lot of natural propensity towards leadership and strategic planning. Who the hell knows though, right? I do feel confident that I have a great future in my work life whatever that ends up looking like...
I'm Texas born and bred, lived in SoCal from 2001 up until recently, and am SO thankful to be back in the Lone Star State where I belong. I grew up just outside of San Antonio (which is a great, and constantly under-appreciated city). My family is an integral part of my life having walked closely with me through a lot of tough things that have happened in my life. My two younger brothers are some of the best friends I could ask for and I am grateful to have gone through the growing pains with my parents that allow us to be close now.
This whole social-media dating thing is definitely new to me but I'm optimistic about the process and am honestly pretty stoked to do something way different than I've done in the past.
“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.”