I was born in New Jersey, a little after 11pm as best I can remember. My employment history includes giving tennis lessons, picking up seaweed, and spending time in a frog bog. If any one of those requires more information, just send me an e-mail. After graduating college Magna Cum Laude (don't be intimidated), I went to law school and even passed the NJ bar. After a few months of practicing law, I stopped and, after careful consideration (and a lot of long bike rides along the Jersey Shore), I took a job and moved to Brooklyn in 2002 and have lived in the same apartment ever since. The secret to staying in one place for so long is to make sure your landlady adores you. And I walk to work, unless of course I'm biking to work. If you have a bike, now is the time to write me an e-mail and tell me about it.

I'm a card carrying member of the Museum of Natural History, the BAM Cinema Club, Handles (frozen yogurt), and The Treats Truck. You'll be relieved to know I have a valid New York driver's license and am registered to vote. At least half of my boxer briefs are from Target. If this is a problem for you or your family, you can stop reading right now.

Update: I just bought Classic Strawberry Chapstick at CVS. It has a nice flavor and I notice women have been checking me out more because of it, saying things like "damn boy, look at you and your cute-ass chapstick." If you'd like to see/smell my Classic Strawberry Chapstick send an e-mail.

Update to the update: I now own orange and blue sneakers. You need to see. Hot. Ask me about them.

Some things I'm working on now:

-I'm trying to invent a device I can wear around my neck that will tell me when a girl thinks I'm cute.

-A list of the seven essential things a woman must write to have a knockout online dating profile.

-Trying to get all cats removed from NYC by 2013. It's something I feel strongly about. Look for my book titled "Cats: The Widening Gap Between Men And Women And Why Cats Are To Blame." Let's discuss it.

Riding my bike over bridges, smiling, and writing silly things in my profile. And I'm great at responding. If you make the effort to send a message, I'll make the effort to write back. Why? Because it is important to spread goodwill and courtesy throughout the online dating community. Also, I'm pretty good (maybe not "really" good yet) at finding places in NYC to eat and drink. For that I thank my subscription to TimeOut New York.

My grades from college, which I have tattooed on both my forearms. My brown eyes and disarming smile. I have red sneakers. Men look at them and say "gee, I wish I had the balls to wear red sneakers," and women say "damn cutie in those red sneakers, what's up?"

Update: I have blue sneakers now too. You'd notice them and be like "damn cutie in those blue sneakers, what's up?" when I'm walking down the street.

The Great Gatsby, 12 Angry Men, The New York Times Book Review, chocolate-covered pretzels (only on Thursdays), rainbow cookies from Caputo's, and LCD Soundsystem.

I just finished People Who Eat Darkness. It's a work of non-fiction. All I can write is "whoa." Send me an e-mail if you want to know what I mean by "whoa."

Watching MMA, ice cream, online dating websites, the need to be desired, and love of stuff (ask me what stuff).

Hipsters. I'm concerned about their growing numbers. Where do they come from and why do they flock to Brooklyn? We
need to educate the young children now and make them aware of the dangers of hipsterism so they can avoid the shiftlessness,
irresponsibility, skinny jeans, and addictions to cheap beer and
irony that plague those people.

WARNING: Hipsters often use the words "like" and "literally" when
speaking. If you have a friend who, like, can't tell a story
without using those words literally like nine times each, then you
should give strong consideration to whether you want to continue
associating with them.

I just recently learned that there is a thing called "math
anxiety." And I also learned that those who suffer from it are
women, because, you know, they aren't good at math. Then I laughed.
Hey, don't get mad at me, it's just what I read. Prove them wrong:
what's 24x5? E-mail me the answer (don't Google it either).

Could a woman with tattoos ever think I'm cute?

Trying to better understand the mystery of online dating. And being careful not to send someone a message on Friday since then they might figure out I don't have any plans, thus making me less attractive.

The first thing I notice on a woman are her calves. Ask me if you'd like more information about that statement. And sometimes, when I just want to see something breathtaking, I ride my bike past the Crossfit gym in Brooklyn to watch those lovely ladies.

I love it when women post photos of themselves smiling. Those photos say "it's ok, you can write to me, I won't be mean or anything."

Truth is, I don't have much relationship experience. You'd be getting a starter boyfriend but I would try my best to be an A student.

I took four years of Puerto Rican in high school but I can't speak a word of it.

When meeting a woman from online, I wear my sexiest boxer briefs. Ask me what color they are.

You read this whole profile and laughed at some point while looking at it. You have beautiful calves and/or are strong and athletic and dance, lift weights, ride a bike, do martial arts (fill in the physical activity and sell me on it), etc. You're okay with my Dad coming along if we get together. He worries about me meeting strange women online. You like chocolate-chip pancakes.