Me2: What are you doing?
Me1: Trying to get us laid, buddy! Stand back!
Me2: I don't think this is the best way to go about it. You're coming off as obnoxious and crass. Besides, you're going to scare of the cool women who might make cool friends or even have long term potential.
Me1: Naw, man. Chicks dig the forceful, direct approach. I'm all about truth in advertising.
Me2: They might also appreciate a little subtlety. It's like your pushing our, uh, endowment into their faces before they get to know our other qualities.
Me1: Your doing a bang up job convincing them otherwise, by butting in. Now they're going to think that we're a schizophrenic nut case.
Me2: Ok, first of all, you're referring to Multiple Personality Disorder, which is quite different from Schizophrenia. The women that *I* want to attract are intelligent enough to know the difference between a Socratic dialogue and MPD.
Me1: It's still weird. Most are not going to view this "dialogue" as creative or intelligent. It's going to trigger red flags that you're some kind of weirdo with emotional issues.
Me2: I hate to throw this back in your face (not really), but aren't you the half that's all about "truth in advertising"? Besides which, we've come along way with the emotional issues.
Me1: That's true. We learned a lot from that restraining order.
[Me3: That was a joke! We've never been under a restraining order.]
Me2: What the hell was that?
Me1: That was an editorial comment. It was "Meta", as the kids say.
Me2: I thought this dialogue was already meta. Now I've lost my train of thought.
Me1: You were talking about how we've made progress on the emotional issues.
Me2: Right. We have. Years of therapy. A year of three times a week psychoanalysis. Almost 20 years of sobriety. Overcoming depression.
Me1: I think it's a little early to start talking about the depression. Besides which, it's still an ongoing issue. Save this for second or third date.
Me2: But we've made so much progress with the depression. Besides, there won't be a second or third date, or even a first one, with your approach.
Me1: Well can we at least focus on our good qualities, what makes us interesting and all that. Save the complicated stuff for later?
Me2: A compromise? OK, we can do that.
I am a writer living in San Miguel de Allende, Mexico. Born and raised in Los Angeles, I worked in the movie business until I quit it forever for the 6th time and it finally took. I'm an animal lover and I currently have two dogs. I volunteer with an dog adoption group. I love motorcycling, camping, walking/hiking. Books are my drug of choice, but music comes in a close second. I like smart movies. I like art. I spend a lot time just thinking about things and ideas, i.e., I have a very rich interior life. I'm very smart, and I like to hang out with people that are even smarter than I am.
Me1: You didn't mention penis size.
Me2: Will you stop!
Me1: Girth! It's all about girth, ladies! You know what I mean!
Me:2 OK, that's it. This interview is OVER!